AITA for leaving my brother and his family homeless?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Growing up, a 28-year-old woman watched her 33-year-old brother bask in golden-child glory—college paid, gifts galore, and chores skipped—while she and her sister scraped by with loans and grit. Now, with parents eyeing retirement and a smaller home, her brother, his wife, and 3-year-old son face a move, leaning on her for shelter or a guarantor.

She dug in her heels—no way to lazy habits and a spoilt tot in her space, or risky rent promises. Parents pushed, he called, tempers flared, and guilt bubbled up. A family once skewed by favoritism now teeters on tough choices and tangled ties.

‘AITA for leaving my brother and his family homeless?’

Growing up my (28F) brother (33M) was definitely the golden child of the family as my dad had always wanted a son and he was also the first grandchild. This meant that he had his college paid for in full whilst me and my sister (31F) had to take out loans/apply for scholarships.

Our grandparents would always give him better gifts and he was the only grandkid to receive an inheritance from them. Our parents never made him do any chores and would fund whatever new hobby he wanted to try.

Despite having everything paid for, my brother ended up dropping out in his third year after failing most of his classes. He has since worked only low paying jobs and currently lives with our parents with his wife and son (3 years old). My parents are planning to retire next year and will be downsizing their house so they can afford to.

My brother now has to either 1. Move in with another family member (i.e. me or my sister) or 2. Rent his own place for the first time ever. My sister is completely no contact with our parents, so they asked me to let them move in with me and my fiancé as we have the space. There is no way I’m going to let this happen.

For one, my brother and his wife are both incredibly lazy and do no housework despite my SIL not working and being home all of the time. Second, my nephew is a mini version of my brother and completely spoilt and undisciplined.

When I told my parents no they suggested (i.e. demanded) I help my brother get his own place by offering to be the guarantor (he can’t get his own place without one). Their logic is that me and my fiancé could afford the risk, but it’s not one I want to take.

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My brother has since phoned me multiple times demanding why I feel okay with leaving his family homeless and if I think I don’t need them anymore because I have a “b\*tch boy fiancé”. My parents are also giving me the silent treatment and I’m starting to feel guilty. I could technically afford to be the guarantor

But I don’t have much faith in my brother to pay the rent. He’s horrible with money and has never had to worry about bills or rent before so I feel like he’ll keep living the way he currently does and just expect me to bail him out.

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I explained the situation to my sister, and she found it hilarious and said he was finally going to have to be an adult like the rest of us. I do feel bad because if I don’t help my parents probably won’t be able to retire and they’re getting old.. AITA?

Saying no to housing a brother and his family sparked a storm for this 28-year-old. Her parents’ golden boy, long pampered, flunked college and leans on low-pay jobs, yet expects a free pass into her home or wallet. His calls and parents’ silence pile on guilt. A wry grin fits: favoritism’s tab finally comes due.

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Family dynamics bend under uneven support. A 2022 study from the Journal of Family Issues shows 55% of siblings report tension from perceived parental bias, often lasting into adulthood. Dr. Susan Forward, a family therapist, notes, “Enabling adult children breeds dependency; boundaries free others to grow.”. Her take backs this sister’s stance coddling’s a parental misstep.

The clash shines: she guards her peace and finances, while parents and brother lean on her to fix his mess. Years of no chores, funded hobbies, and an inheritance squandered left him unready—her sister’s no-contact choice echoes the strain. Pushing her to risk money or space ignores her hard-won stability.

Healing starts with a firm line. Tell parents and brother you’re out  no home, no guarantor— and urge him to job up, budget, and stand tall. Suggest they delay downsizing if they must, but hold steady. Tough love and a chuckle might nudge this family toward balance.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit poured in with NTA, cheering the sister for dodging a mess. Users slammed parents for crafting a dependent “golden child,” leaving him clueless about adulting. His demands and insults calling her fiancé names drew no sympathy.

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Guarantor risks and lazy habits fueled the verdict: he’s a grown man, time to swim or sink. A light laugh rippled bed made, now lie in it, bro!

TheoBlanc − NTA. Sorry you're in this position, but you have to take care of yourself, and as your sister told you 'let your borther be an adult'.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Don't set yourself on fire to keep him warm.

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Reditnd971 − NTA. Your parents created this mess, and they will have to deal with it. It’s sad, but not your fault and shouldn’t be your responsibility to fix. Your brother is the one who can change all of this.

It sounds like they aren’t retiring immediately so he could possibly get his b**t to work (along with your SIL) and save up. He’s been given a college education and an inheritance, and wasted both. Please do not risk your financial and emotional health over this.

ReganX − NTA. Your parents have created this problem, and they can't expect you or your sister to take over supporting your brother. Their choice is a simple one: either they cancel their plans to downsize

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and retire so they can work and continue to support your brother in the style to which they have allowed him to grow accustomed until they either die or he deigns to support himself, or they cut him loose to sink or swim by himself.

Do not allow him to move in with you, even for a short space of time, or you'll never be rid of him. Do not act as a guarantor, because you can bet that rent will become his lowest priority expense if he knows that you will be the one on the hook if he refuses to pay. There is a very good reason why your parents are not acting as guarantors. They **know** that he isn't going to keep up with his rent payments.

Elesia − Wait, what? Not only are you NTA, why are YOU ok with leaving his family homeless? Let's flip the script, why is HE ok with that? You didn't make that marriage, you didn't conceive those kids

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it's not on you to do anything except maybe send funny birthday cards. Bed. Made. Lie. And you might want to consider some strategic blocking, assholes like that rarely go down without a fight.. ETA thanks for the award!

chrisanow9696 − NTA. Your brother and his fiancée are both adults. They can figure this out on their own. It is not on you to help, regardless of what your parents say or think. From your description, they left you to fend for yourself through college, your brother can now fend for himself through life.

RepresentativeThis49 − What did he do with his inheritance? Sounds like your sister made the wise choice going NC. This is not your problem.

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belonephobiac − NTA. If your parents are so confident he will pay, they can be the guarantors. He’s a grown man. He can figure this out like the rest of us. Also, if this is how your family is, I can see why your sister has gone no contact. Seems like a good idea for you to follow on.

NCKALA − NTA also why should YOU feel bad because your parents are aging and can't retire? You did not cause this, they did. I understand you feeling sad for them, but not responsible for the choices they made to support a grown man. They caused this, not you.

TooManyAnts − Growing up my (28F) brother (33M) was definitely the golden child of the family as my dad had always wanted a son and he was also the first grandchild. This meant that he had his college paid for in full whilst me and my sister (31F) had to take out loans/apply for scholarships.

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Our grandparents would always give him better gifts and he was the only grandkid to receive an inheritance from them. Our parents never made him do any chores and would fund whatever new hobby he wanted to try..

This is called 'making your bed'. I do feel bad because if I don’t help my parents probably won’t be able to retire and they’re getting old.. And this is 'lying in it'.. NTA, he will drag you down. Don't sacrifice your future.

A golden child’s free ride crashed when a sister said no to housing or backing his rent, leaving parents sulky and brother fuming. Reddit and experts nod to her boundary, urging him to step up. Family ties twist, but clarity might mend them. Share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences below! What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation?

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