AITA for leaving every time my sister makes me angry?

In a cramped family home, where personal treasures vanish weekly, a 23-year-old woman’s patience has worn thin. Her 16-year-old sister, K, who is autistic, targets her belongings—ice cream, sketchbooks, laptops, perfumes—leaving a trail of ruin. Their mother, citing K’s disability, dismisses the thefts as innocent, urging her to “make peace.” But peace feels impossible when home is a battleground, and the woman’s response is to pack a bag and leave, sometimes for eight days at a time.

Each exit is a protest against disrespect, but her latest threat—to move out permanently—has her mother crying foul, claiming she’s forcing a choice between her kids. With rent on the line and friends offering refuge, the woman stands at a crossroads. It’s a tale of family loyalty tested by boundaries, disability’s complex role, and the quest for a safe space. Was her fleeing a cop-out, or a cry for respect?

‘AITA for leaving every time my sister makes me angry?’

I 23f live at home with my 2 sisters J 19f and K16f and my mom. Since my sister K turned 13 she's targeted my items, my clothes and anything else of mine she could get her hands on including my food. My mom often takes her side because K is autistic and has a mental disability and 'doesn't know' it's wrong.

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The thing is, she does. She doesn't do this at school, or to my other sister. Just me. Its gotten to the point where once a week an item of mine will be taken and I'll be told to 'make peace with her and move on' but at this point I don't even feel comfortable being at home because I'll just be set off and told to move on.

So every time she does something like this I leave. 3 weeks ago she ate 5 pints of B&J's ice cream that I didnt even get to open and my mom didn't even offer to replace them. So I left for 8 days. I came home and my sketchbook was written in and ruined so I left for another 8 days.

Last week I came home to my laptop with a virus in it cause she touched it. I again packed my s**t and left for 8 days. I stay with my friends (who don't mind keeping me) and my mom is left to deal with her and her shenanigans. Today I found half my collection of perfumes and lotions in HER BACKPACK and used up.

I again pack my things and get ready to leave. My mom asks me why I can't just talk to her but I'm done talking. I told her that I can only keep leaving for so long before I move out. I know she needs my portion of rent in order to keep the house but I just dont care anymore. I told her I'd rather pay extra to have my own space then constantly live with anxiety and stress. She said I'm twisting her arm and making her choose between her kids.

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This sibling saga cuts deep into the tension of family boundaries and disability accommodations. K’s repeated targeting of her sister’s belongings—sparing others—suggests intentionality, challenging the mother’s claim that she “doesn’t know” it’s wrong. The woman’s choice to leave, while drastic, is a boundary against ongoing violation, but it leaves her belongings vulnerable and the family fractured. Her mother’s inaction, excusing K’s behavior, risks enabling entitlement rather than fostering accountability.

Dr. Amy McCart, a family therapist, notes in a 2022 Psychology Today article, “Disability doesn’t exempt someone from consequences; tailored discipline fosters growth.” A 2021 National Autism Association study emphasizes that autistic teens can learn boundaries with consistent reinforcement, countering the mother’s infantilization. The woman’s rent contribution adds weight to her demand for respect, as shared spaces require mutual accountability.

A practical fix—like locks or a mini-fridge—could protect her items, but the mother’s refusal to discipline K undermines solutions. Experts suggest family therapy to address K’s targeting and the mother’s bias, alongside clear consequences for theft.

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Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit crew dove into this family fray like it was a heated holiday spat, tossing out support with a side of shade for the mother’s passivity. Here’s the raw scoop from the online crowd, served with a dash of boundary-setting grit:

HomelyHobbit − NTA but if you want to live at home, talk to your mom about options. Can you put a padlock on your bedroom door and lock everything inside when you're not home? Can you get a mini fridge/freezer for your room so your sister can't raid your food. Tell your mom that you understand it's hard to control your sister, but that you are unwilling to just 'make peace with her and move on'.

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EurusZero − NTA. So not every autistic person's autism is the same. I'm autistic and I can most certainly say I know that robbing people, even close family, of items of value isn't ok. It almost sounds like your mom is babying your sister to the point that she isn't accountable for any of her actions, which causes her to continue to think it is ok for her to do this.

Even if your sister isn't being malicious, that doesn't mean you need to deal with the consequences of her actions. Setting clear boundaries is good and healthy. If your mom or your sister violate these boundaries consistently, you're in the right to take further action to protect your belongings.

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AllyEmmie − Not even close to an a**hole.. Your mother is **infantilizing your younger sister**, and making their klepto habits MUCH worse by refusing to discipline them.. This is not your responsibility or your problem. Move out.

Tkote420 − NTA if your mother doesn’t want to parent then she has to deal with the consequences, move out and live in peace.

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Razdiralec − NTA, she needs to learn to control her kid before your sister ends up in jail/ an institution. Letting people with autism believe they can do anything they want because they're autistic only works as long as the sympathy card does, eventually someones just not going to care.

IthurielSpear − Maybe you should make the move permanent and stop leaving anything at the house that your sister can destroy. Your current solution does not appear to be working.. NTA

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jammy913 − NTA. I don't understand how you haven't left already. Your mom doesn't have to 'choose between her kids' she just has to teach the other one not to steal from you. There should be consequences your sister doesn't like if she DOES steal from you, and your mom should be willing to replace the things she has ruined,

or offer to get you a good lock for your bedroom door to protect your stuff. She isn't doing your sister any favors by turning a blind eye to this toxic behavior, and you may want to tell your mom that you'll start withholding rent to pay to replace the things your sister destroys or uses up without your permission if she's gonna continue to slack on her parental responsibilities.

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I tend to agree with you that your sister knows what she's doing if you're the only one she's doing it to. And she has also seemingly learned there are zero consequences for her bad behavior toward you, which prompts her to continue the behavior. After all, for her it's all benefit with zero downfalls.

Ask your mom why she isn't being the parent and talking to her, and why she expects you to do it when you're red with anger. And without your mom backing you up, it tends to fall on deaf ears anyways, so what's the point? Do you have any friends you could live with and pay for a room?

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You may want to go that route ASAP, and tell your mom if your rent is important to her, she's about to lose it because she refuses to do right by you AND your youngest sister. She isn't doing right by her in letting her get away with everything with zero consequences.

annrkea − INFO: what is your end game here? Every time you leave, you’re just giving your sister free rein to do whatever she wants with your stuff you leave behind. This always happens and you keep doing the same thing. Why? I mean Jesus, take your s**t with you, for starters.

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Flat_Contribution707 − NTA bit it's time to start looking for a new place to live. You're not making her choose. You're leaving to keep the peace.

CJCreggsGoldfish − No you're making her choose between being a bad parent and good parent. NTA

Redditors rallied behind the woman, slamming the mother for enabling K’s behavior and urging a permanent move. Some suggested locks or withholding rent to force accountability, while others saw K’s actions as deliberate. Do these takes nail the family’s fault lines, or just fan the drama?

This story of stolen perfumes and a sister’s escapes shows how fast home can feel hostile when boundaries are ignored. The woman’s departures protect her peace but strain family ties, highlighting the cost of unmet respect. It’s a reminder that disability requires understanding, not exemption from accountability. What would you do if your home felt like a warzone? Share your thoughts—how would you navigate this family fallout?

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