AITA for leaving Christmas dinner early because my SIL wanted to name her daughter the same name as mine but spelt different?

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The crackle of a Christmas fire warmed the room as families gathered, laughter filling the air—until a name announcement turned festive cheer into tension. A mom of an 8-year-old, Madelyn, sat stunned as her sister-in-law (SIL) revealed her unborn daughter would be named Madilyn, a twist on the same name. The holiday glow dimmed fast.

What started as a casual chat spiraled into a heated debate over ownership and confusion, ending with the mom storming out with her husband and daughter. Her SIL’s infertility struggles added layers to the drama, but the name clash left her feeling disrespected. Was her early exit a justified stand, or a holiday overreaction? The dinner table became a battleground for family pride.

‘AITA for leaving Christmas dinner early because my SIL wanted to name her daughter the same name as mine but spelt different?’

I'm a 30f and my husband is a 32m. We have one daughter, Madelyn (8f). I have a SIL, Jasmin (32f) and she has been having infertility issues for a while now and has had a couple of miscarriages. Jasmin and I aren't that close but we're friendly to each other..

She got pregnant a few months ago and she had her gender reveal party about 2 weeks ago. Everyone was so excited and happy when we found out she was having a girl.. During this year's family Christmas dinner, she announced that she was going to name her kid Madelyn,

but spelt differently of course! (as if that made it any better) Her daughter's name was going to be Madilyn. I was completely shocked. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect that Jasmin would want to name her kid Madelyn as well. If she told me before we named our daughter, I probably would've taken that into consideration before naming her..

I asked Jasmin why she would want to name her daughter the same name as mine, and she said that technically it wasn't the same name since it was going to be spelt different. She also said that her great aunt's name was also Madilyn and that she thought that Madilyn was a cute name.

Jasmin also mentioned that Madilyn was supposed to be the name of her kid before she had a miscarriage (this was before Madelyn was born). I never even knew that was what she wanted to name her kid because she never told anyone!.

I was really upset and told her she could've just told me before I named my daughter that she also wanted to name her daughter Madelyn. She said that I was always such a witch and that I probably would've named my daughter Madelyn either way. I don't even know what I ever did to this woman.

I then asked what we were going to do about the confusion of them having the same name and she told me we could use my daughter's middle name! Like, what? I told her if anything, we should be calling her daughter by her middle name since my daughter came first..

We went back and forth a few more times before I decided to leave early with my husband and Madelyn. My daughter was also pretty confused and asked why her aunt would want to name her daughter the same name as her. I'm still really upset and hopes she changes her mind,

but this morning my BIL texted me and said that I should try to better understand Jasmin and her feelings. I texted him back and told him that she should stop being such a witch and try to understand my feelings instead. I really don't think I'm an a**hole, but AITA?

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Family gatherings are meant to unite, but this name dispute fractured the peace. The mom felt blindsided when her SIL chose Madilyn, a variation of her daughter’s name, Madelyn, especially after the SIL’s infertility journey. Both have a point: the mom seeks to protect her daughter’s identity, while the SIL sees it as a personal tribute. The clash exposes raw emotions beneath the surface.

This situation reflects a broader family dynamic issue: navigating personal choices in shared spaces. Studies show name similarities can cause identity confusion, especially for young kids, but no one owns a name. The mom’s reaction might stem from feeling her daughter’s uniqueness threatened, amplified by the SIL’s past losses. Her exit, though dramatic, was a bid to reclaim control in a tense moment.

Dr. Joshua Coleman, a family therapist, notes, “Family conflicts often escalate when personal significance is ignored.” His insight suggests the SIL could have consulted the mom to avoid hurt, while the mom might have stayed to discuss it calmly. Leaving early vented frustration but risked alienating family, especially with the SIL’s sensitive history.

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For solutions, experts recommend open dialogue. The mom could revisit the topic with her SIL, proposing nicknames or middle-name use to ease confusion. If tensions persist, a family mediator might help.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit’s serving up a mix of support and skepticism, with some calling her reaction over the top. Here’s what the crowd said:

Judgement_Bot_AITA − Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole.

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corgi_crazy − YTA. OK, I think is ridiculous your SIL giving almost the same name to her daughter unless she is not lying about it being a family name from her side. You don't own the name and she can name her daughter as she please and she didn't need to consult you or warn you or get your approval.

Aquatichive − It’s spelled Madeline

mskmoc2 − I think if you simply sit back and wait, she will realise it is not a great idea all on her own. Other people will also point out how it is impractical. You kind of blew it by arguing because now that’s all she and maybe others remember. I get it but if you had been able to sit tight- others would make the valid points and Jasmine would appear irrational and you would appear dignified. So, NTA necessarily but not great either.

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[Reddit User] − You don't own a name. She can name her daughter whatever she wants. But don't let anyone rename your daughter. NAH mostly. You are hurt, understandably, but you don't own that name and you aren't close enough for her to ask.. That said, it's wild that either of you would suggest renaming the others child to the middle name.

And I get you would have chose a different name, but that is moot right now. I would just let it go. You guys clearly aren't on great terms in general either so no shock this escalated. eta also, the fact she wants to reuse the name, that is odd to me but it was over 8 years ago.

Sufficient-Rock2243 − NTA the issue quite clearly isn't 'its pretty much the same name', the issue is 'its pretty much the same name and the SIL is saying the 8 year old will have to go by a different name to stop the confusion she's creating by naming her child also the same name' Y T A would be if SIL had said 'we're naming her Madilyn, but don't worry we'll call her Little Madilyn/Little Maddy to avoid confusion' or even just 'we'll work the confusion out later'

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jennawade322 − Yes, YTA for leaving dinner early (to answer your question). So, your question: “AITA for leaving dinner early because....”. Yes, YTA because there’s No reason to leave holiday gathering early. 1) Your Mom (or whomever the Hostess was), did NOT deserve to have dinner ruined because you are upset about an unborn child’s name.

2) Your Family (and whomever else attended), did NOT deserve to have holiday gathering ruined because you are upset about an unborn child’s name. 3) YOUR reason (to justify leaving early) is your Sister plans to name her unborn child the same name as your 8yo daughter (I.e. Madelyn).

That’s good reason to leave your Hostess and Family early—in middle of drama—you created because you’re hurt.. YTA for leaving early—from a family holiday gathering—over a name.. So, YTA leaving early. As for text conversation with your BIL that you also inquired about at the end.

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Yes, YTA for keeping argument going next day, without “considering Jasmin’s feelings” as your BIL asked. It was your opportunity to discuss the matter (or schedule a discussion), and keep up the anger from prior evening. So, instead of considering Jasmin’s feelings (and taking time to discuss or make your case) you become angrier. So, YTA here too.. So, YTA keeping up anger and issue..

So, twice, yes YTA. Please keep in mind that your Family—and your Daughter—are very aware of your anger—and has a Holiday Dinner Gathering ruined because of your Anger. Don’t you want better for your daughter?? You want to protect her name but not her (exposing her to anger and leaving early)??? Poor Madelyn caught in all this.. Wishing Everyone the Best..... 🙏🍀🙏

kikogi − I mean she can name her anything she wants. It’ll all work out. My cousin Sarah has a cousin Sarah full first and last name the same. They grew up together and all was fine

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La_Peregrina − YTA people have the same names. It's no big deal. Forgodssake give it a rest. The baby can have a nickname. A shortened version of the name. Your daughter can have a nickname. There are so many solutions other than your bizarre reaction. Why make a big deal out of nothing.

elgatostacos − INFO: Why can't either of you spell Madeline correctly?

These Reddit takes are lively—do they get the heart of this holiday spat, or miss the emotional stakes?

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This Christmas clash shows how a name can ignite family fireworks. The mom’s early exit protected her feelings but left a holiday mess. Names are personal, but so is family harmony—did she overreact, or stand her ground? Would you walk out over a name dispute, or work it out? Drop your thoughts below and share your holiday harmony tips!

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