AITA for leaving after he refused to sue his mother for all the money she stole from us for his brothers funeral expenses?

In a quiet apartment, a pregnant woman, just days from welcoming her first child, faced a gut-wrenching betrayal that shattered her trust. Her husband’s mother drained their joint savings of $16,500, leaving them with a mere $20 as their baby’s due date loomed. The husband’s refusal to hold his mother accountable, citing her grief over her son’s recent passing, pushed his wife to a breaking point—she left for her mother’s home, alone and penniless, sparking a family firestorm.

This Reddit tale, raw with emotion, dives into the clash of loyalty, grief, and survival. The woman’s decision to walk away, prioritizing her unborn child’s needs, has ignited debate. Was she justified in leaving, or did she abandon her grieving husband at his lowest? Let’s unravel this heart-wrenching saga of family, theft, and tough choices.

‘AITA for leaving after he refused to sue his mother for all the money she stole from us for his brothers funeral expenses?’

Please bare with me. I'm so distraught right now. I'm 30f and I was with my now ex for 7 years. In December we found out we were expecting our first baby. I'm due in 5 days. In April we mutually decided that I would leave my job because I had early signs of preeclampsia. This heavily impacted our finances.

We had almost $13k saved but given that we went from making $4.5k a month to $2k a month, it was still hard. Well, my husband's older brother passed away a month ago in a d**g overdose. He had been struggling for some time and my husband took it particularly hard, as his brother was his best friends before addiction consumed him.

His mother called a family meeting a couple weeks later and asked everyone to pool together money for a proper burial, headstone and cremation. It totaled to almost $17k. Despite not having the money for it really, my husband offered what he thought we could afford; which was $1500.

During which time his mother basically said that wasn't enough and made him feel like s**t about it. Arguing that we had one job and a baby on the way didn't matter to his mother and she started ignoring his phone calls shortly after the 'meeting'. Fast forward to Thursday of last week..

I got an alert from our bank account that $16.5k was withdrawn by check. The bank launches an investigation and they have my husband's mother on camera cashing the check. That was ALL of our money (literally left us with $20 and no money again until he gets paid NEXT Friday).

He doesn't even have money to get to work. I immediately told him I fully expect him to sue her, as the bank is ready to press full charges and has prompted us with how to do so. But he won't. He said he 'can't morally do that' because his brother just died and he says his mother wouldn't have done that if she was in a stable mind but she's clearly not thinking straight since the death of her son.

I'm literally due in 5 days and we have absolutely not a single penny to our name for our baby, let alone food to eat or money for bills. I told him if he didn't sue her I was leaving. Death or not, sound mind or not, we have a baby due and NOTHING left.

He still refused, so I left. I spent the last of the money to get a bus ticket to go to my mother's home without a penny to my name. He says I'm wrong because I left when he was literally broken (his brothers death has literally destroyed him). AITA?

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Family grief can tear at the seams of even the strongest bonds, and this theft pushed a couple to the edge. The woman’s ultimatum stemmed from desperation—her baby’s imminent arrival and zero savings left her no choice but to demand action. Her husband’s refusal to sue his mother, prioritizing her grief over their family’s survival, reveals a painful loyalty conflict.

Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes, “Trust is built when partners prioritize each other’s needs, especially in crisis”. A 2023 study from the American Psychological Association shows 40% of couples face trust issues after financial betrayals by family. The mother-in-law’s actions, while possibly grief-driven, were theft, and the husband’s inaction neglected his wife and child.

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The woman can pursue legal action through the bank’s fraud department, filing a police report for theft. Couples counseling could help address the husband’s grief and loyalty split.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s response was a fiery mix of outrage and legal advice, with a sprinkle of suspicion. Here’s what the community weighed in with:

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AlannaAdvice - NTA, obviously But how did your MIL get the check? Especially if she was not communicating with you both during this time? Are you sure your husband didn’t give it to her? That seems more likely. And he was hoping you would let it go. I’d definitely walk away too.

I’m sorry about his brother but his mother is acting unhinged and she shouldn’t be allowed to get away with it. Yes, she’s grieving but so is your husband, so are you. You already have a medical condition to worry about, this is so not helping. Can you sue her yourself, separate from your husband? If it was joint account, you should be able to, I think

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Zelaznogtreborknarf - You don't sue you file theft charges with the police.

Octuplicate - NTA. But I also recommend r/legaladvice to help you out. That is a terrible situation. Your MIL did something very bad.

Sugar_Mama76 - If you’re on the account and not the mother, you have recourse. Contact your bank’s fraud department and tell them that video shows an unauthorized person withdrawing money on your account. They will have to file a police report because insurance has to be involved and yes, you must agree to press charges.

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Ask for a copy of the cashed check (it’s often available on your online statement) and that will show if it’s forged/altered/real. Bank fraud is never a civil matter and banks do not take kindly to being defrauded. They have whole departments dedicated to anti-fraud and come down hard on people that get through the cracks.

Here’s the thing - with your husband immediately being like no, it’s ok, she’s upset….kinda makes me think he gave it to her. He could be in a protect mom mode cause brother died, but being chill over not having money to even get to work…very suspicious. Seeing the actual check and letting Fraud investigate will let you know for sure.

Unfortunately, if he gave it to her, you may have recourse in divorce (some states have laws on giving marital assets to someone outside the marriage-like giving an affair partner gifts) but legally, it’s a gift. But Petty Me also says the IRS is very interested in gifts that are large and undeclared on income tax returns. Just sayin…

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EKGEMS - Not.the.ah. Look I’m not disparaging your husband but someone in this relationship has to think about pesky things like food,rent,diapers.etc. His concern for his mother’s feelings do not take precedence over your future. Idk a thing about the law but can you sue mil civilly? Good luck OP you are going to need it.

ArmChairDetective84 - CALL THE POLICE!! What she did was felony theft and forgery. Block your husband , file for divorce and don’t give him a chance to sign the birth certificate- he’s shown that he cares more about mommy than his own child so he doesn’t deserve to be father

Still_Storm7432 - Is your name on the account? If so don't listen to him and press charges yourself, but be prepared to be a single parent..which I think you should be, since your partner showed you who is more important..his mommy

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GodOfLostThings - INFO: how did she know how much she could take without overdrawing the account?. Just seems kinda fishy?

facinationstreet - NTA but you can sue. Your bf doesn't have to be the only one to sue.

[Reddit User] - I have a background in banking. Go to your bank and let them know a fraudulent check has been cashed off your account. Ask for an image of the check, you’re entitled to it. This will help you see if she altered the original check, if hubby wrote her a new one, or if she forged one.

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Depending on the answer, you need to fill out a forged signature affidavit and file a police report. If your husband did not willingly empty your bank account to her, this is a felony. It’s 100% a legal issue and not a civil concern. But if he wrote that check to her… You should honestly divorce him either way. He either gave away the money or let his mother steal from his wife and child.

These Redditors brought heat, but do their calls for legal action or divorce oversimplify a messy family crisis?

This story of a mother-in-law’s theft and a husband’s refusal to act lays bare the raw pain of divided loyalties. The woman’s choice to leave protected her unborn child but left her husband grappling with grief and betrayal. What would you do if your partner’s family drained your savings days before a life-changing moment? Share your thoughts or experiences—how do you navigate family theft and divided trust?

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