AITA for leaning on a nearby wall after being denied use of gym equipment by a woman doing supersets?

Shared gym spaces, whether in apartment buildings or public facilities, often operate on a set of unwritten rules and expectations regarding equipment usage and general etiquette. While most people aim to be considerate of others, conflicts can arise when these unspoken rules are perceived to be violated. A recent Reddit post delves into just such a scenario, where a simple request to use a piece of gym equipment escalated into a heated argument involving accusations of rudeness and privilege.

The protagonist in this story found himself in a mostly empty gym, wanting to use a bench that was seemingly being held by another individual engaged in supersets on a nearby machine. What followed was a clash of perspectives on gym etiquette, personal space, and the appropriate way to handle waiting for equipment. Was the protagonist in the wrong for simply waiting nearby, or was the other gym-goer being inconsiderate by monopolizing multiple pieces of equipment? Let’s examine this gym floor face-off and see what the online community had to say.

‘AITA for leaning on a nearby wall after being denied use of gym equipment by a woman doing supersets?’

So my apartment building has a small exercise area including a cable crossover machine, an adjustable bench, dumbbells, some treadmills, and a small side room for yoga or other bodyweight/kettlebell exercises. The gym was empty this morning except for one woman doing row exercises on the cable crossover machine.

I noticed that she had placed her phone next to the bench with a couple of dumbbells. For context, I’m a tall-ish guy and she’s shortish and appears nonbinary (which is fine by me, I’ll refer to her as “she” here because I don’t know her pronouns or how she personally identifies).

I specify this because it seems like that plays into the dynamic from her perspective.. “Can I use this bench?” I ask.. “No,” she replies. “I’m doing supersets.” I was a bit taken aback. There is room for two, maybe three people in the resistance/weight training area, and she was using every piece of equipment.

Not sure what to do, I lean on a nearby wall and start looking at my phone. I’m a bit miffed and I look up every so often to see when she’ll be done. She takes her earphone out and says something to the effect of, “Are you just going to stand there?” and we get in a big argument.

I say something to the effect of “What else am I supposed to do? You won’t let me work in.”. “I don’t want you up in my space. Go do something else,” she says.. “So I can’t do pullups on the cable crossover while you’re using the bench?” I reply.. “No. I don’t want you up in my space,” she says.. “That’s just bad etiquette,” I reply. It then continues like this for a bit. I accuse her of being rude, she accuses me (verbatim) of using my “male privilege.”

Eventually she finishes her sets and leaves. In every gym I’ve worked out at it would be considered rude to bogart multiple pieces of equipment while others have to wait. I lived abroad for years before this - is this still the case in US gym culture? AITA for leaning on a nearby wall and waiting, rather than going and stretching or running on the treadmill?

Gym etiquette, while often informal, plays a crucial role in ensuring a positive and respectful environment for everyone using the shared space. Generally, it’s considered courteous to allow others to “work in” on equipment during rest periods, especially when the gym is busy. Hogging multiple pieces of equipment simultaneously, particularly in a smaller gym with limited resources, is often viewed as inconsiderate.

As fitness experts and gym managers often advise, communication is key in navigating shared gym spaces. A polite request to use equipment or to work in between sets is usually well-received. However, the situation described in the Reddit post escalated beyond a simple request due to differing perceptions of etiquette and personal space.

The woman’s refusal to allow the OP to use the bench while she was using the cable crossover for rows, citing “supersets,” is where the conflict began. While supersets are a legitimate training technique, in a shared gym, it’s generally expected that individuals will be mindful of others waiting to use equipment. Holding onto multiple pieces of equipment when others are present can be seen as monopolizing the space.

The OP’s decision to lean against a wall and wait, while perhaps passive-aggressive in some interpretations, could also be seen as his way of indicating that he needed the equipment without directly confronting the woman further after her initial refusal. The woman’s subsequent confrontation and accusation of “male privilege” are where the situation became more complex. The accusation suggests she perceived the OP’s presence and waiting as an attempt to intimidate or rush her, possibly influenced by their size difference or gender dynamics.

Ultimately, while the woman’s training methods are her prerogative, her refusal to share equipment in a relatively empty gym and her subsequent accusations seem to be the crux of the issue. The OP’s reaction, while perhaps not the most assertive, doesn’t necessarily warrant an “asshole” judgment, especially given the woman’s initial stance, and her escalation of the conflict with the privilege accusation. A more constructive approach from both parties, involving clearer communication and a willingness to compromise on equipment usage, could have likely avoided the argument.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit community overwhelmingly sided with the OP, with a resounding “NTA” (Not the A**hole) verdict. Commenters widely agreed that the woman’s behavior of hogging multiple pieces of equipment for supersets in a shared gym was rude and against common gym etiquette.

Several commenters suggested that the OP should report the woman’s behavior to the apartment complex management to establish a paper trail and potentially prevent future incidents. The consensus was that the woman was in the wrong for monopolizing the equipment and for escalating the situation with unwarranted accusations. These are popular opinions on Reddit, but do they really reflect reality?

NotCreativeAtAll16 − NTA.. She doesn't get to bogart all of the machines meant for the use of everyone in the complex. Moreso, she can't demand that you not even be in her space. If she wants private gym time, she needs to reserve and pay for that in a space that's not meant for the use of everyone living in the complex. Next time, I would report her to the main office so there is a paper tail in case she tries to make s**t up.. Edit: typos

GirlDad2023_ − Don't ask next time, just start using them. No one has put her in charge of the rules of the gym. If she wants to try to dominate the gym that's on her. Just do it without asking. NTA.

magicmom17 − NTA Supersets are a luxury in a public gym and should only be done until someone wants to use the second machine. If you want to do supersets, be rich enough to have the space and equipment for a home gym or pay for a personal training gym.

extinct_diplodocus − NTA. The way you reserve a piece of equipment is to be using it. As far as leaning on a wall and waiting, no she doesn't get to wish you out of existence. All she had to do to avoid that was not give you grief for using the available pieces of equipment. This is not her personal home gym.

Mgnolry − NTA. Woman who lifts weights, if that matters. Doing circuits or super-setting in a small gym without letting others work in is just inconsiderate.

ClackamasLivesMatter − NTA. You need to get in front of this and report it to your apartment complex's management. I know this sounds like tattling and you're going to feel totally lame, but you need to do it anyway to CYA: the first person to report the conflict in situations like this gets to control the narrative.

So, just to make sure you don't get in trouble with your landlord, you need to call your property manager and report the incident. It is what it is. As to your question, at the gym, you are entitled to the use of **one** piece of equipment. Not two, not three, not twenty. If Ms. Olympia wants to do supersets she can either let you work in or set up a home gym in her spare bedroom. She was rude and you handled it better than most of us would have.

Odd_Task8211 − NTA. She apparently either doesn’t know gym etiquette or doesn’t care and is just rude. No “male privilege” there - just common courtesy that she chooses to ignore.

Catracas − INFO: how close were you standing? were you trying to stay in her line of sight, so she'd have to see you waiting? I'll already say I think she's TA for the bad gym etiquette; taking up a lot of equipment for supersets and not letting you work in. But if someone said no to sharing gym equipment, and you were standing close or hovering around, it could look like you're trying to pressure/intimidate/rush them, which is also not cool.

🤷‍♀ Don't think it was your intention necessarily. I'm with you, I'd be annoyed too! As others have suggested, might be an idea to report it for the paper trail. Also, if residents can't work out sharing, you guys might have to start some sort of booking system.

ShallotEvening7494 − Dude, this is where you inform the front that somebody is hogging all the machines.

StacyB125 − NTA if she wants access to a private gym, she should go figure that out elsewhere. That particular workout room is for all residents. I would make a a complaint to avoid future encounters as this person is obviously not reasonable.

This story highlights the importance of courtesy and communication in shared spaces like gyms. While everyone has the right to pursue their fitness goals, it’s also essential to be mindful of others who are trying to do the same. The woman’s decision to monopolize equipment for supersets in a relatively empty gym and her subsequent accusation of “male privilege” created an unnecessary conflict.

The OP’s reaction, while perhaps not perfectly assertive, doesn’t warrant being labeled the asshole in this situation. Ultimately, fostering a positive gym environment requires mutual respect and a willingness to share resources. Perhaps a friendly reminder of gym etiquette or clear guidelines from the apartment management could help prevent such conflicts in the future. What would you do if you encountered a similar situation at your gym?

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