AITA for laughing at my brother’s girlfriend after she asked me why none of us like her?

The air crackled with awkwardness during a tense phone call as a 20-year-old woman faced her brother’s girlfriend, Jane, who demanded to know why the family shunned her. After a year of biting comments—especially her jab at their autistic sister’s needs—this question caught her off guard, sparking an involuntary laugh. The fallout has left the family split, with emotions running high.

This isn’t just about a laugh; it’s a window into a family wrestling with respect and boundaries. Readers can feel the sting of Jane’s past behavior and the OP’s shock, wondering if her reaction was fair or fuel on the fire. It’s a relatable drama that pulls you right in.

‘AITA for laughing at my brother’s girlfriend after she asked me why none of us like her?’

My (20f)’s brother (Mark-23m) has been with his girlfriend (22f-Jane) for a year. She is one of the most passive-aggressive, snarky people you will ever meet. Her middle name is ‘petty’. The thing that caused our family to keep her at arm’s length,

was when she got mad at our mum for accommodating our younger sister’s autism and not force-feeding her as well as allowing her to read at the table (something that calms her down). She got on mum’s arse for ‘enabling an entitled brat’.

Another example was when my mum supported Mark’s decision to get the tattoo he had been saving up for, for years. Jane proceeded to call mum up to complain that he made the deposit (with his hard earned, saved money) and had an appointment set.

She told mum that was wasn’t going to allow this ‘emotional i**est’ anymore and that she’s happy to make an appointment for all of us for family therapy as this ‘enmeshment’ is making her uncomfortable.

She has continued to make comments like these, specifically to mum and it’s disgusting how little respect she has for pretty much everyone but herself. She’s not been invited to Christmas this year but Mark is.

It’s unclear what they’re planning to do yet. A few days ago, Jane called me as mum had blocked her. She said she was 3 months pregnant and went on a long rant about the family dynamic. She then asked ‘why don’t you all like me?’

I laughed out of pure shock and asked if she was serious. She didn't even respond, just said 'I'll call you when you're in the mood to be more mature.' and hung up. I told mum about the situation and she's on my side but Mark is fuming at me for laughing at Jane's question

and angry at mum for being on my side. Mum just told him that he needs to talk to Jane about her constant comments and insults and she's expecting an apology.. Mark won't talk to me and Jane blocked my number.. AITA?

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EDIT: The tattoo has got nothing to do with our mum. It's an octopus up his arm that my brother designed himself (he does art and wanted to be a tattoo artist).

This family rift over a laugh reveals deeper cracks. The 20-year-old’s chuckle at Jane’s question—after a year of passive-aggressive jabs, like criticizing support for her autistic sister—stems from shock, not malice. Jane’s pregnancy and confrontational style have amplified tensions, with her brother caught in the middle, leaving the OP questioning her stance.

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This mirrors a common issue: family conflict over in-law dynamics. A 2023 study by the Journal of Marriage and Family notes 30% of families report strain from a partner’s disrespectful behavior. Jane’s actions suggest a need for control, possibly insecurity masked as critique.

Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, states in a 2021 article, “Respect is the foundation of family harmony. When it’s absent, boundaries are essential to protect emotional well-being”. The OP might suggest a family talk to address Jane’s behavior directly, setting clear expectations.

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit community jumped in with fiery takes, blending support with practical advice. Here’s what they had to say about this family showdown:

Regular_Swordfish_85 - NTA, u guys should have talked with Mark a long time ago to dump this girl. She is a nightmare, and now pregnant it will only get worse

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[Reddit User] - NTA - I get the reaction. It’s been a lot. The girl needs to be given an intervention and directly told what she is doing is wrong. You need to prepare a list together with your mom. And your brother needs to attend. Don’t be mean just direct. “When you did this, it made me feel that.” “We will not tolerate in our family x,y,z”.

Going after your younger autistic sister, I would have flown off the handle. I can’t believe your brother is okay with that. I have high functioning autism myself but didn’t know it until I was 40. But as a kid I had behaviours and my mom always protected me. I was dyslexic and hypo glycemic so my mom just passed off the behaviours as that.

I would only eat mayo and cheese sandwiches with carrots and milk for lunch. And my mom defended me against so many “concerned mothers”. I remember that. It matters. It helped myself worth knowing she wouldn’t let anyone hurt me. Your sister knows. She needs to be protected from that nut job.

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I would shut down any comments she would make around her and be direct. I would also provide her with education on autism. She probably won’t digest but give her the benefit of the doubt. The truth is after all of this, she probably still will be an ass. She doesn’t sound to have any ability to manage her behaviour.

She would need therapy. Recommend it but doubt she’d take it. So if she doesn’t change her behaviour high boundaries. And grey rock her. She has already been dangerous to your mom and you.. I also highly recommend therapy for your brother to make sure he grows strength and isn’t tumbled over by her.

Verdukians - This is one of those situations where a manipulative person went to therapy... and learned how to better manipulate people. She's weaponising modern mental health terms against the family and brother to try to get what she wants. 'Emotional i**est' genuinely sounds like a term someone would use in this sub, and that is not a compliment to us.. NTA

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Icy_Session3326 - Definitely NTA. I wonder if Jane knows that there’s a possibility that the child she’s about to have could also be autistic .. if it’s in the family then it’s likely in the genetics .

A9J9B - NTA! But if your brother is going to have a baby with her and she actually seems oblivious to the fact what the problem is ...then maybe you should actually give it a shot at discussing this. What i would do is write a well-formed letter. Answer her question 'why don't you guys like me' honestly. No accusations, no emotional attacks...

just describe why your family has a problem and name the individual situations.. Explain what would need to change for a better family dynamic. Because it seems like your brother is going to spend the rest of his life with this woman. So you might feel bad about loosing him and never trying to make it work with her.

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[Reddit User] - NTA. That's an abuser trying to isolate your brother from his friends and family. And succeeding. You need to all get together and fix this before it gets worse.

ImmunocompromisedAle - NTA Jane sounds like she is falling for all the anti-MIL stuff she sees online and was looking for “emotional i**est” and all the other nonsense because he’s a man who is close with his family.

Some women really cannot handle the dynamics with in-laws, some men too of course. Jane sounds like she could be an unsafe person for your sister to be around. Mark has chosen her, so treat her with respect and basic kindness you would show anyone.

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Keep your sister out of her way. Let Mark know you guys will always support and love him but you expect basic manners to go both ways.. If she is down the Justnomil drama hole it’s all you can do.

Sebscreen - NTA. Jane isn't even passive aggressive. She is outright combative and rude. While it would have been nice to sit down and list all the ways her badgering your poor mother or trying to control your brother's bodily autonomy makes her unlikeable, if you already knew she wouldn't listen... why bother.

tiganisback - Anybody calls my family member, let alone an autistic kid a brat, they will be literally dragged and kicked out of house. Same with anybody who disrespects my mother. Your brother is a sucker for tolerating such behavior.You don't owe him s**t

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Davethema - NTA I feel sorry for your brother. Keep your distance from her, she seems like she wants to bring everyone down around her

These responses sizzle with outrage and empathy, backing the OP while urging action. The debate over confrontation versus distance adds layers to explore.

This laugh-turned-feud highlights a family’s struggle to balance love and limits. The 20-year-old’s reaction was a spontaneous shield against Jane’s insensitivity, but the real issue lies in her brother’s choice and Jane’s behavior. Can they find common ground, or is this a sign to draw firmer lines? What would you do if a partner challenged your family’s ways? Drop your thoughts below and keep the conversation flowing!

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