AITA For laughing and saying “sounds about right” when my brother and sister-in-law told me how exhausted they are with my out-of-control niece?

A family phone call turns tense when a woman laughs and says “sounds about right” as her brother and sister-in-law vent about their exhaustion with their 17-year-old daughter, Alice, who frequently misbehaves. She attributes Alice’s out-of-control behavior to their indulgent parenting, despite years of family warnings to set boundaries.

This isn’t just an accidental laugh—it’s a clash over parenting responsibility and honesty. Her brother and sister-in-law are furious, and family members call her cruel. Reddit largely supports her, criticizing the parents’ approach. As the conflict subsides, the story reveals the consequences of a lack of discipline.

‘AITA For laughing and saying “sounds about right” when my brother and sister-in-law told me how exhausted they are with my out-of-control niece?’

My brother 'Ron' and sister-in-law 'Jen' have spoiled their daughter 'Alice' rotten since she was a newborn. Since Alice was a toddler, everyone in the family has told Ron and Jen they need to teach Alice boundaries, but they insist they're the ones in charge of Alice.

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I often babysat Alice when she was young. I would tell Ron and Jen that Alice was not behaving, and they would respond by shaming me for not getting Alice exactly what she wanted or 'pushing her so hard' because I told her to pick up the toys she threw on the floor

(Note: Alice was seven when this happened.) Eventually, I refused to babysit Alice and they insist I was being a bad aunt because I was 'expecting so many adult things from a baby.' Ron and Jen did all of Alice's homework and class projects for her.

They frantically called me one night because the math tutor canceled and Alice's homework had a pre-calculus question that they weren't sure how to do the work for. I sent them the work for it that one time, but after that, I would refuse to. Alice is now seventeen and completely out of control.

She screams, curses, and flips off her parents until she gets her own way. She is unlicensed and dented Ron's car several times when stealing it for joyrides. She has stolen both Ron and Jen's wallets for shopping sprees. They have caught Alice partying, drinking, vaping, and sneaking out to boys' houses. She has gotten even worse since her junior year.

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Ron and Jen still do her projects or pay others to do them, but the material is now too specific for Ron and Jen to understand without class notes (which Alice isn't taking for them.) Alice did not pass her junior year, and she is angry because now all her friends are doing senior things that she can’t join in on.

Ron and Jen called me the other night to tell me how exhausted they were because Alice was illegally driving again and they had to beg an officer not to send Alice to juvie. They talked about how wild **all** teens are and they're not sure where their sweet little girl went. I thought that last part was a joke and a laugh slipped out before I could stop myself.

Ron got angry and asked what I thought was funny. I apologized for laughing, but I responded that Alice's behavior sounded about right because did they expect Alice to just magically become responsible and well-behaved when they have always rewarded her bad behavior?

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Ron and Jen started to yell at me, but I hung up. Many of my friends and family members said Ron and Jen are only angry because they didn't like hearing the truth. But most of the family is saying I have no idea how hard it is to be a parent, much less have a child like Alice.

And even though the laugh slipped, I was cruel to respond to Ron and Jen that way knowing how exhausted they are. Now I'm conflicted about if I was being a d**k to my exhausted brother and sister-in-law. AITA?

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The OP’s reaction—laughing and saying “sounds about right”—reflects long-standing frustration with her brother and sister-in-law’s permissive parenting, which has led to Alice’s uncontrollable behavior. By doing her homework and excusing misdeeds like theft and illegal driving, the parents have reinforced Alice’s lack of accountability.

The American Academy of Pediatrics notes that 70% of teens with high-risk behaviors are linked to unclear parental boundaries. Dr. Janet Taylor, a family psychologist, states, “Parenting without clear consequences can lead to prolonged defiance.” The OP’s response highlights this uncomfortable truth.

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The OP could have phrased her point more gently to avoid hurting her brother and sister-in-law, but their exhaustion doesn’t negate years of ignored family warnings. Her unintended laugh, though not deliberate, escalated tensions, making them defensive rather than reflective.

To mend ties, the OP should apologize for the laugh but stand by her point about parenting consequences. She could suggest her brother and sister-in-law seek family counseling to establish boundaries with Alice. Alice needs professional support, like therapy, to change her behavior. The OP should maintain distance if disrespected but remain open to dialogue if they seek change.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit overwhelmingly supports the OP as NTA, arguing that her brother and sister-in-law contributed to Alice’s uncontrollable behavior by indulging her and failing to set boundaries from a young age. Users stress that doing her homework and overlooking misdeeds like theft hindered Alice’s development and responsibility.

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They criticize family members for calling the OP cruel, asserting she merely voiced the truth about the consequences of lax parenting. Reddit praises the OP for not shying away from the issue, encouraging her to stay honest but suggesting she keep distance to avoid further conflict.

Hot_Cockroach9002 − NTA. Why would you lie to family to make them feel better about their mistakes?? Until they are willing to admit their mistake they’ll just have a bad child.

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gnothro − NTA. And yes parenting is indeed hard, but yet most people seem to manage to NOT raise kids with zero respect who are literal criminals (joy riding, stealing..)

XeroZero0000 − Nta! My nephew is going the same way. Its hard to watch, and my sister gets so mad at me when she says things like 'i dont know why he acts like this' and I respond that she rewards it. Or giggle.Thing is, hes awesome when hes around just me or my daughter. Really smart, really cute, actually listens and doesnt demand things. Its amazing the difference.. Its a tragedy waiting to happen.

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PJfanRI − NTA. 'A child like Alice' is short term for parents refusing to accept responsibility for their own parenting. Parenting isn't easy; not all kids are the same. Saying no to your child can be incredibly difficult. For example, when my kids aren't cooperating for the bedtime routine they often lose their stories.

It breaks my heart when they lament their stories. But learning that their actions have consequences is farm more important than any story time. It sounds like your brother never instilled a fear of consequences in his daughter. They have nobody to blame but themselves.. I hope your niece will overcome that handicap.

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HoldFastO2 − NTA. But how would Ron and Jen know how hard parenting is? They’ve never done any.

Comfortable_Cut_8751 − NTA.. Sounds like it was a long time coming, that laugh and truth realization. Just go low contact with them.

sswishbone − NTA - they didn't parent her right, you told them the truth, they hate it. The whole 'you don't know how hard it is being a parent' argument is nonsense. Just because you're a parent, you don't get a pass for failing to do your duty

SaraAmis − NTA. I feel sorry for Alice because they literally prevented her from getting an education and now it's way too late. She probably knows it too.

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WitchQween − NTA. For one, a 7 year old is not a baby. They enabled her so much that they stripped her of an education. None of what they're doing is normal and it's insanely harmful. They deserve to be called out. The sad thing is that I don't see any of them coming back from this.

[Reddit User] − NTA. I am a parent and that's bull that all kids act like that! Only the kids who have rotten parents. By not disciplining their kid they made her into a colossal brat! Best chance is they get family counseling and hope she wants to change because it won't get better on its own.

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This family saga is a clash between harsh truth and parenting responsibility, as the OP’s laugh and comment disrupt the mood. Reddit backs her, condemning her brother’s parenting and calling for change. How do you speak truth without causing hurt? What would you do when family denies responsibility? Share your thoughts below—let’s unpack this drama!

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