AITA for kicking some groupie out of my house after she disrespected my boyfriend by trying to kiss him?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Imagine hosting a lively band practice in your cozy living room, guitars strumming and laughter echoing, only for a tipsy groupie to cross a line with your boyfriend of six years. A 30-year-old woman’s night took a sour turn when a bandmate’s guest tried to kiss her partner, sparking a fiery showdown. With her home turned stage for this drama, she sent the groupie packing, but now wonders if her bold move broke the band.

The tension didn’t end with the groupie’s exit—the drummer’s absence since that night has left the couple reeling, questioning if protecting their relationship came at too high a cost. Reddit’s weighing in with a mix of cheers and jeers, turning this tale of loyalty and boundaries into a rock ‘n’ roll saga that’ll have you humming along and picking a side.

‘AITA for kicking some groupie out of my house after she disrespected my boyfriend by trying to kiss him?’

Throwaway. So, my boyfriend plays guitar in some band with his buddies. It's more of a hobby than anything though they have played at multiple festivals in the past 8 years. There are 4 people in this band. He plays lead guitar, his best friend plays backup guitar, a guy I dont know well plays the keyboard and drums and a really nice hippy woman does vocals. I love his entire band and they are really good people.

However, more recently one of his buddies (the drummer) has been bringing various women to my home during their practice nights. Most of them are really cool and laid back but one of them has a really bad habit of hanging off all the guys.

I have discussed my distaste for this woman on multiple occasions but never actually said she couldn't be here. So two weeks ago she came up to me, pretty buzzed, and asked how long John and I have been together. So I told her 6 years. She said something like 'Wow, and you guys havent cheated yet?' Odd, but whatever.

I told her no, that we dont feel the need to sleep around. Later on I was watching from the window and my boyfriend looked uncomfortable. This woman was pretty close and talking to him. I walk out just in time to hear her say 'Oh, come on. 6 years of one woman has made you afraid of all the rest of us, huh?' And then leaned in to kiss him (on the cheek). He instantly stood and put his hands up.

I cleared my throat and panic washed over his face. I walked up, kissed him and asked 'Hunny, is this woman bothering you?' He didnt say anything at all. He was fixated on me, probably trying to see if I was mad at him. So I turned to her and said 'Get the f**k off my property and do not come here again.'

I then turned to the drummer and said 'If you even so much as think of bringing this repulsive woman back here you will be banned from my house as well.' No one said anything.

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Now the reason I ask if I am an AH here is because ever since then, the drummer has not returned. My BF has not said anything about it and hasn't been treating me differently but now I feel like an AH for breaking up their band after 8 years.

Talk about a performance gone wrong—this groupie’s antics hit all the wrong notes. The OP’s swift eviction of the disrespectful guest was a gut reaction to protect her relationship, but the drummer’s exit suggests deeper band tensions. Her boyfriend’s discomfort and silence speak volumes, while the groupie’s brazen move and the drummer’s enabling reflect a lack of respect for the OP’s home.

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This scenario highlights a broader issue: maintaining boundaries in social and romantic spaces. A 2023 study in Personal Relationships found that 54% of couples face boundary violations from external parties, straining relationships. The OP’s frustration is valid, but her heated response escalated the situation, impacting group dynamics.

Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, advises, “Defending a relationship requires clear, calm communication to set boundaries without alienating others” . The OP’s outburst, while cathartic, might have been softened by calmly asking the groupie to leave and addressing the drummer privately. Her boyfriend’s support suggests trust, but communication is key to clarify his stance.

For similar situations, experts recommend setting house rules upfront and discussing expectations with all bandmates. If tensions persist, finding a neutral practice space could prevent future drama. The OP should talk openly with her boyfriend to ensure they’re aligned, fostering unity without sacrificing their home’s sanctity.

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Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit turned up the volume on this one, delivering a mix of standing ovations and raised eyebrows. From praising the OP’s loyalty to side-eyeing her delivery, here’s the crowd’s unfiltered setlist:

Dreadifare − NTA. what a vile person. What functioning adult behaves like that

[Reddit User] − NTA. My husband is the lead guitar and vocals in a 'hobby' band that is well known locally. I banned the bassist from bring anyone to our house (where the studio and jam room are) after the 4th time I had to kick out one of his groupies. I would have lost it if one of them tried to kiss my husband in my home. Like I've made my peace with the fact that girls hang all over hubby at shows, but I'm not having that in my home.

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BeenThereAteThat − NTA. Learn the drums. Become the drummer.

PillowOfCarnage − NTA - women who purposely go after attached guys are trash.

aita_boomer − Boomer says the drummer and his female friend broke up the band. NTA

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lilacgiu − NTA this woman has tried to force herself on your bf. it’s your home and you told her not to come again it’s your right if the drummer doesn’t understand that it wasn’t about him but about this one woman he brought that’s his problem. If they want to the band can talk to him and maybe there is a way of playing together again

Anggroth − NTA - that woman was soooooo over the line that she can't even see the line anymore. You actually dealt with this pretty well imho and the fact that the drummer didn't return says less about you and more about him! Also, if the band has broken up over this it shows that the other members (or just the drummer idk) never respected you or your home anyway so good riddance.

Just for clarification what do you mean when you say your BF treats you differently? That can be so many things (positive or negative), if his long term band and I'm guessing friend group has split up he's probably feeling a bit down at the moment, talk to him about it.

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[Reddit User] − Not gonna lie, this sounds oddly fake/ fanfic. But sure, I'll play along.. NTA. Why would saying that to the drummer break up the band?

Final_Commission4160 − NTA the drummer can suck it up or they can find a new place to practice. Apparently the drummer thinks that your BF needs to branch out? That’s none of his damn business.

HygorBohmHubner − NTA. The drummer, however, is the biggest AH, even bigger than the groupie. She was probably drunk, and while it doesn't excuse her behavior, it makes her impulses crazier. The drummer, however, knew exactly that your BF loved you and had no intentions of even finding attempts to cheat, and brings many women to *YOUR* house, and the fact you even let this happen, shows you have a lot of patience.

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If your BF doesn't treat you differently since, it shows that he's not concerned about the drummer leaving the band (apparently), which shows that your BF either has had problems with him already, or puts you above the band, which is a great sign. Not gonna lie, though, when you said that you cleared your throat, and your BF almost s**t himself, I laughed. Probably shouldn't have, but I did. I was just picturing the scene in my head.

These Redditors rocked the comments, some cheering the OP’s take-no-prisoners vibe, others noting the drummer’s role in the mess. But do their riffs hit the right chord, or are they just jamming to their own tune? This story’s got everyone talking.

This tale is a backstage pass to the chaos of defending love in a crowded room. The OP’s fierce stand for her relationship was a bold riff, but the drummer’s exit leaves a lingering note of regret. Balancing personal boundaries with group harmony is no easy gig, and her story strikes a chord for anyone navigating loyalty and respect. Have you ever had to kick someone out to protect your space? What would you do in this rockstar drama? Drop your thoughts below!

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