AITA for kicking out my sister after she refused to help with my son?

In a cozy suburban home, a young mother’s patience frays like an overused dishcloth. At 25, she’s juggling motherhood, a bustling household, and an unexpected guest: her older sister, who’s turned her living room into a personal lounge. Seven months ago, this sister, down on her luck, moved in with promises of sisterly bonding. Instead, the air crackles with tension as she sidesteps chores and childcare, leaving dirty diapers and family dreams in her wake.

What started as a gesture of kindness has spiraled into a domestic standoff. The young mother, chopping vegetables for a shared dinner, faces a sister who’d rather scroll her phone than change a diaper. When push comes to shove, she draws a line, sparking a family firestorm. Readers, brace yourselves: is this a tale of justified boundaries or a sibling betrayal?

‘AITA for kicking out my sister after she refused to help with my son?’

My parents had me (25F) at a very old age. All my siblings are significantly older than me and they tolerated me for the most part. My oldest sister took it a step further and barely interacted with me. I learned quickly that she disliked me and I kept my space from her afterwards.

Although we live in the same town, we didn’t really interact with each other and only talked during family events/calls. Recently my sister lost her job. She is widowed with adult children who live on their own in different cities.

My mom begged me to let her move in with me and framed as a chance for us to bond and become actual sisters. My sister has been living with me for about 7 months now. She doesn’t help with anything, she doesn’t cook, clean or even contribute to utility bills.

The only thing she does is play with my son 1 year old. And even then it’s like 15-20 minutes, and if he needs a diaper change or need to be fed, she calls on me. I was making dinner for the three of us, my husband was still at work at this time and my sister was playing in the living room with my son.

She called me that I should come and change my son’s diapers. I asked her to please change it since I was cutting vegetables. She said it can wait and that she’s been there and done that. I stopped cooking and changed my son’s diapers. After the dinner was done, I didn’t call my sister to come and eat and I’m sure she got the memo.

The next day, I told my sister that I can’t live with her anymore and that she needs to find a new place to live. She called me names. My parents are saying I’m wicked for kicking out my own sister and so are my siblings. They also said that my sister isn’t my nanny and it’s unfair of me to expect free child care.

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Family dynamics can turn a home into a pressure cooker, especially when generosity meets entitlement. This young mother’s clash with her sister highlights a classic boundary issue. The sister, living rent-free, treats the household like a hotel, contributing little beyond fleeting playtime with her nephew. The refusal to change a diaper while her host cooked dinner underscores a deeper disconnect—expectations were never aligned.

This scenario reflects a broader issue: cohabitation without clear agreements often breeds resentment. According to a 2023 study by the American Psychological Association, 68% of adults living with family report conflicts over shared responsibilities (apa.org). Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Clear communication about roles prevents assumptions from derailing relationships” (gottman.com). Here, the sister’s inaction suggests she views her stay as a right, not a privilege, while the host expected mutual support.

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Gottman’s insight applies directly: without upfront discussions, both parties assumed different rules. The mother’s frustration is valid—she’s not asking for a nanny, just basic reciprocity. The sister’s dismissal of a simple task like diaper-changing signals entitlement, clashing with the mother’s need for fairness.

Advice: Set clear expectations early. If cohabitating, draft a simple agreement on chores, bills, or tasks. For the mother, a calm conversation outlining contributions (e.g., “Can you handle dishes or occasional childcare?”) might defuse tension. If resistance persists, suggest alternative living arrangements.

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Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit’s verdict is in, and it’s a lively mix of support and shade. Here’s what the community had to say, with some spicy takes that cut to the chase:

TeemReddit − NTA. If you can't expect free childcare, then she shouldn't expect a place to live of which she contributes nothing to. If she doesn't help pay bills, she should be EXPECTED to help out in other ways whether it be chores or helping out with your baby. The entitlement is disgusting.

grindelwaldd − If she doesn’t contribute to ANYTHING, she can help out with child care - especially if that child care is when you’re cooking/cleaning for her. NTA.

anonn86753099 − NTA. Your sister is mooching off you and your husband. I get that she lost her job but she can still help out around the house to help out. She’s been living rent free for 7 months. Time for her to live with someone else if she won’t step up and help. Cooking, cleaning, laundry watching your son.

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If she really didn’t want to change your son she could have offered to finish up dinner while you spent time with him. Good luck. Also does your family who is complaining realize she does nothing but mooch off of you and your hubby or do they think she helps out and you are just booting her out?

Alert-Potato − NTA - Free childcare? You aren’t asking for free childcare. You asked for her to change one diaper while you prepared supper for her. If she’s so ungrateful for having a roof over her head and food to eat that’s cooked by someone else that she can’t even change the occasional diaper, she doesn’t deserve to live with you.

rmhnll − NTA able bodied adults should contribute in some way to household in which they live.

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TogarSucks − INFO: have you talked to her at all about taking on more responsibilities in the house, or just ask her this time?

the_last_basselope − NTA. Your sister may not be your nanny, but you aren't her mother, either, which means she doesn't get to expect free room and board. Personally, I would tell her she can stay, but she has to pay rent, utilities, and help with the chores.

If she doesn't want to do those things, she can go live with your parents or siblings since they're so 'concerned' about her having a place. If they keep it up, you should go no contact with all of them indefinitely.

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lincmidd − NTA. They think your wrong for wanting “free” child care but sis is entitled to free housing, utilities, food and housekeeping? Let the rest of them take her in. Your are TA only for letting this last for so long.

radleynope − ESH. If you don't like her and don't want to live with her, then you don't like her and don't have to live with her. However-- you really should have outlined her expected contribution before permitting her to move in.

Details like if she's going to pay certain utilities, or how food will work out, or if she needs to provide certain services. Otherwise, it is natural for her to assume she doesn't need to do anything, and a bit AH-ly to kick her out for not meeting unspoken expectations.

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Things like providing free childcare, which is a huge ask and involved task, need to be decided on in advance. You don't just assume the other person is going to know. And for the record, there are many professional nannies who refuse to do diapers.

Sure, she could be more helpful and 'grateful', but she's a 40 ish year old widow with grown kids, who's used to living on her own, likely believes she paid her diaper dues long ago, and probably isn't interested in being your housekeeper.

If that's what you thought you'd be getting, you should have communicated that from the start. I would chalk the actual reason up to personality mismatch, since neither of you ever really got along, and your power trip over the diaper thing was your looking for an excuse to move her out.

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RainahReddit − Gentle ESH as it seems like you didn't set out expectations or communicate at all. Your sister has been living with you for 7 months. She's been presumably doing nothing the entire time. Have you requested she help out or pay rent?

Have you laid out what you need from her? Have you explained that if she doesn't help, you don't want her to stay with you?. Yes she's an a**hole for not volunteering and chipping in regardless as a show of gratitude. But if you told her to change a diaper, she said no,

and you promptly kicked her out of your house (and her home of the last 7 months) then that's an a**hole move too. Not wanting to change a diaper of a kid that's not yours is reasonable. Not doing anything to help out in the home you're living in is not, but I can see how she came by that belief.

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These Redditors aren’t holding back, but do their hot takes mirror real-world fairness, or are they just fanning the drama flames?

This tale of sisters and unspoken expectations leaves us pondering: where’s the line between family duty and personal boundaries? The young mother opened her home, only to find her generosity stretched thin. Was she right to show her sister the door, or should she have clarified the rules upfront? Share your thoughts—what would you do if a family member treated your home like a free ride? Drop your experiences below and let’s unpack this family feud together!

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