AITA for kicking out my jobless friend who turned a “few days” visit into a three-week stay?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Picture a cozy apartment, barely big enough for one, suddenly hosting an unexpected guest who’s unpacked her emotional baggage along with her suitcase. A 24-year-old woman opened her door to a college friend in need, expecting a brief stay to soothe a broken heart and jobless woes. But as days stretched into weeks, the guest’s presence turned from comforting to chaotic, testing patience and boundaries with every loud FaceTime call and empty grocery shelf.

What started as a kind gesture morphed into a living-room saga of clashing priorities. The host, juggling work-from-home demands, faced a friend who seemed oblivious to her need for space. The situation begs the question: when does hospitality become a burden? Readers can’t help but wonder how they’d handle a friend who treats their home like a free hostel.

‘AITA for kicking out my jobless friend who turned a “few days” visit into a three-week stay?’

I (24F) have been friends with my college roommate for 6 years. We were super close in school but grew apart after graduation. She moved across the country and we mostly kept in touch through social media. Last month, she messaged me saying she was going through a rough patch (lost her job, boyfriend dumped her) and wanted to visit for 'a few days to clear her head.'

I felt bad and said yes. Well, those 'few days' turned into THREE WEEKS. She's been sleeping on my couch, eating my food, using my stuff, and not contributing ANYTHiNG. I work from home and she's constantly interrupting my workday with her drama.

When I suggested maybe it's time to look for a ticket home, she burst into tears saying she has nowhere to go and I'm her 'only support system.' Yesterday i had an important Zoom meeting and specifically asked her to be quiet for one hour.

halfway through, she starts blasting music and FaceTiming someone in the living room. My boss definitely heard and I was mortified. That night, I finally snapped and told her she needed to leave by the end of the week. I even offered to help buy her plane ticket.

She called me heartless and said a real friend would support her 'no matter what.' She's been posting vague stuff on social media about 'finding out who your true friends are during hard times.' i feel guilty because she IS going through a lot,

but I'm also exhausted from the constant emotional labor and lack of boundaries. My apartment is tiny and I never signed up to be someone's indefinite crash pad and therapist.. So, AITA for kicking out my friend when she's down on her luck?

Navigating a friend’s extended stay can feel like tiptoeing through a minefield of guilt and resentment. The OP’s predicament—balancing empathy with personal boundaries—highlights a common struggle in friendships. Her friend’s disregard for basic courtesy, like blasting music during a work meeting, pushed the limits of hospitality. Both sides have valid feelings: the friend’s desperation is real, but so is the OP’s need for a functional living space.

This scenario reflects broader issues of boundary-setting in relationships. According to a Psychology Today article, poorly defined boundaries often lead to resentment, especially when one party feels taken advantage of. Here, the friend’s vague social media posts hint at emotional manipulation, a tactic to extend her stay. The OP’s guilt is understandable but misplaced—her home isn’t a charity hostel.

Dr. Irene S. Levine, a psychologist quoted in the same Psychology Today article, notes, “Setting boundaries is a way of caring for yourself. It doesn’t make you mean, selfish, or uncaring.” For the OP, enforcing a deadline was a necessary act of self-preservation. Her offer to help with a plane ticket shows compassion, but her friend’s refusal to plan her exit suggests a deeper reliance on external support.

To move forward, the OP should stick to her deadline, clearly restating her expectations with empathy but firmness, as in, “I care about you, but I need my space back by Friday.” If resistance persists, consulting local tenancy laws, as some Redditors suggested, can prevent legal complications. Readers facing similar issues should prioritize open communication early to avoid resentment, and we’d love to hear your strategies for handling overstaying guests.

Check out how the community responded:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support and snark for the OP’s couch-crisis. Their takes range from practical advice to outright calls for eviction, with a side of humor to lighten the mood. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the community:

StarsForget − NTA, this is a common story. Couch surfing friend rides the goodwill wave as long as they can then moves on to the next friend. If they're serious about getting back on their feet they'll be applying for jobs and housing, helping around the house, or if nothing else trying to process their feelings so they can move on, using you as a sounding board in lieu of a therapist.

If not, they're a b**, and you have to give them the boot the minute they inconvenience you. It seems harsh but it's necessary to prevent them from sinking any further. Hopefully in a few years she'll apologize for her embarrassing behavior.

NeedForSpeed98 − NTA. She might have tough things at the moment but your helping her doesn't allow her to take over your home and your life. She wants to wallow, I get that, but she now needs to help herself. If she's video calling people, you're not her only contact in life. Time for her to step back up into adulting - find a job being the priority!

snarkness_monster − 'a few days to clear her head'. That's what you agreed to, NOT three weeks! Your friend sounds like she's using you and has no respect for your boundaries. She's emotionally manipulating you into letting her stay longer.. Disrupting your work is the last straw. You need to kick this freeloader to the curb. NTA

TriggerWarning12345 − You need to get rid of her before she's been there for 28 days. Many states give people housing rights once they hit a specific number of days, which means you'd need to go through an actual eviction process to get rid of her.

Your lease may stipulate how long you can have guests, usually 14 days in a one month period, or three months timeframe. This is to protect both the resident and landlord from potentially having to evict any guests. You want to protect yourself. This friend isn't a friend, they are a freeloader that is hoping that they can stay long enough to get the housing protection.

I'm sure that she's done SOMETHING to show when she started living there, JUST for this kind of situation. I suspect that you'll suddenly find yourself being told that she can stay as long as she likes, since she's stayed long enough for the protections. And then it's going to be a massive fight to get her out. For some, it's taken a year or longer, to get rid of homeless people or friends/family.

Threed1c17 − She knew what she was doing when she asked to visit. She had no plans of leaving. So look at it that way. She manipulated you. And couldn’t even be respectful to what you have going on in your life.

Tangerine_Bouquet − NTA. Send the overstaying guest on her way, before she establishes residency. If she doesn't have a return ticket, feel free to help her with that.

She may want to return to those college roommate days, but you didn't sign up for that. She needs to move forward, not back--and her manipulation are not inclining you toward any future friendship.

LavenderKitty1 − NTA. She was interfering with your work and that could have resulted in disciplinary action if it continued.

DeviantDe − NTA the 1st time she broke a boundary about work would have been a warning, the second time would have resulted in her being locked outside of the home during my work hours. You have been incredibly gracious in allowing her 3 weeks to wallow in her misery. Now she needs to do something about her situation. Kicking her out might be the only thing to motivate her unless she finds someone else to mooch off of.

miss_Saraswati − NTA. “You know I love you as a friend, which is why I said yes to a few days to clear your head when you asked. But I did not sign on for several weeks, and today you’ve been here xxxx days. As you know I work from home. We e talked about it multiple times that I need the space to focus, and do my job, and I’m no longer able to with you here.

Just yesterday you were not able to give me the 1h uninterrupted and I disturbed hour I needed and asked for before it started. I need you out before the end of the week as I cannot afford to lose my job because of you. I’ve already had to apologize to several of my colleagues and clients because of things you’ve chosen to do during my different meetings and my ability to deliver is suffering.

I still love you, but I have supported you longer than I had the ability to already. I need you out by xxx at the latest, but I hope you sort something sooner as I have xxx with yyy on xxx. “ Use the above as you see fit, don’t give her an opening of you hope she finds something else, or whatever it might be.

She’s already taken advantage if you. She’s guilt tripping you to try and stay. You already now need to consider what you’ll do if she’s not out by the requested date? Will you change the locks? Something else? With the amount she’s already stayed, do you risk having to go through a full eviction process?

Cookies_2 − NTA but be straight up with her. Tell her by Wednesday you need to see whatever her plans may be (train , bus, airline tickets etc) kr you will be calling the cops to remove her. Look into your states tenancy laws (if you’re in the U.S.) because she’s on the line of being considered a tenant which means you’d need to evict her which can be long and costly.

She’s making these vague posts while living on your couch mooching of you. Giving her to the end of the week was wildly nice. M. Also, she didn’t need a place to clear her head. She’s homeless. No one wanted her to stay with them. That or she knows the bs she’s pulling wouldn’t fly at anyone else’s.

These Redditors rallied behind the OP, praising her patience while urging her to reclaim her space. Some warned of legal risks, others called out the friend’s manipulation. But do these fiery opinions capture the full picture, or are they just adding fuel to the drama? One thing’s clear: this tale of overstayed hospitality has sparked a lively debate.

The OP’s story is a reminder that kindness has limits, and boundaries aren’t just walls—they’re bridges to healthier relationships. By setting a firm deadline, she’s not abandoning her friend but nudging her toward independence. What would you do if a friend turned your home into their personal retreat? Share your thoughts and experiences—we’d love to hear how you’d navigate this sticky situation!

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