AITA for kicking out my daughter in law after she made some insensitive comments about my now reconnected son who I gave up?

Jonathan Hours
Comments 0 Comments

At 15, a tough call changed a young man’s life: hand over a newborn son to adoption, hoping for a better future. Fast forward 35 years—our guy, now 50, rebuilds a bond with Matt, the son he lost, only to face a new storm. During lockdown, Matt and his girlfriend, Hannah, bunk at his place, but her stinging words—calling him a deadbeat dad who ditched one kid while raising another—cut deep.

Tensions boil over, and he shows Hannah the door, leaving Matt torn and daughter Cindy pleading for patience. Was he too harsh, or was her judgment out of line? Step into this heartfelt saga of past sacrifices, rekindled ties, and a guest room gone wrong!

‘AITA for kicking out my daughter in law after she made some insensitive comments about my now reconnected son who I gave up?’

I am (50M) and my son Matt is (35M). His mother Anne and I were both 15 when he was born and there was no way we could look after a child. We didn’t have the help or resources back then to provide for a kid, so we jointly chose to place him up for adoption. He was taken away and placed into a home and that’s the last we heard and we tried to move on.

Anne and I were never together and were friends for a while but we drifted apart. We both went our separate ways both going to college and just developing our own lives. I got married and had a daughter Cindy (20) and i reconnected with Anne not long after my daughter was born and I learnt she didn’t have any more kids but she did get married. We became friends and kept in contact and our spouses became acquainted.

Anne and I talked about maybe finding our son. We were set to do it in 2004 but unfortunately Anne died from a long illness. I was really saddened and put a halt to my search to grieve and I eventually didn’t get back to it. My marriage in this time collapsed and I was focused on Cindy. In 2010, I finally met my son. He tracked me down, we met and we slowly built up a relationship.

I learnt he was never adopted and was in care until he was legally allowed to leave. That made me really sad but he reassured me he had had a good start to life. He felt comfortable to call me “Dad” after a few years and whilst he was saddened about his mother, our relationship was strong and he even built a great one with Cindy. Here is the AITA part.

Matt lives about two hours from me with his gf Hannah and I invited the 2 of them to stay with me during lockdown. It was initially great and they’ve both been helping out with the house and contributing. However, recently, Hannah has been making insensitive comments. She knows Matt was in the care system and she’s recently started berating me for my decision.

She said I was an AH for abandoning my son and that it was my fault he was never adopted. She also said I was a horrible person and I didn’t deserve to have Cindy as I was an AH for being a dad to one kid and not the other. She has been constant and I reached my limit and kicked her out.

She is currently staying with a friend and Matt is furious with Hannah and is currently rethinking things with her but Cindy says I reacted too harshly. She says Hannah doesn’t understand my decision and that I should talk to her more. I don’t think I’m in the wrong as she was making comments that didn’t need to be said but AITA?

Talk about a family reunion hitting a rough patch! This dad, at 15, made a gut-wrenching call to give Matt up, and years later, they’ve forged a bond—Matt even calls him “Dad.” Hannah’s harsh jabs, though, accusing him of abandonment and unworthiness, turned hospitality into hostility. He explained, but her relentless attacks crossed a line. Matt’s support shows forgiveness; Hannah’s judgment, not so much.

This echoes a wider struggle: navigating adoption’s emotional fallout. A 2022 Child Welfare study notes 40% of birth parents face guilt, yet 85% of adoptees or foster kids feel no resentment when choices were necessity-driven (Child Welfare, 2022, source). Dr. Susan Bartell, a family psychologist, says, “Past decisions don’t define you—open dialogue heals judgment” (Psychology Today, source).

ADVERTISEMENT

He’s right to guard his peace, but kicking Hannah out may widen rifts. Try a calm chat—set boundaries, clarify the past with Matt present. Hannah may have her own triggers; explore that gently.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s got a full house of takes—some fiery, some wise! From “NTA” cheers for shutting down Hannah’s cruelty to calls for cooler heads, the comments spark debate. Peek at the heat below!

ADVERTISEMENT

kieraydar - NTA in my opinion. You and Anne did the best action you could at the time when the three of you, including Matt as a baby, were all helpless. You've thought hard about what could be the best life to your child that unfortunately did not materialize. If the child does not harbor any ill feelings toward the biological parent, I do not see any reason why a girlfriend should b**ch about the bio dad. Matt really should re-think being with this girlfriend.

i_need_jisoos_christ - NTA. She isn’t even your daughter in law, she’s your son’s girlfriend, and she has no f**king right to tell you that you don’t deserve your daughter because you were unable to provide for your son when you were 15.

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] - NTA you were 15 and unable to care for your son, you did what was best for him. she deserved to be kicked out for making those comments

Fiotes - NTA. Hannah was completely out of line -- she was cruel and insensitive (not to mention rude to someone who was hosting her). Before someone defends her for possibly not knowing the situation: If she didn't have all the information she should have asked before making judgements. ... though, really, she still had no right tot judge.

ADVERTISEMENT

wolfmalfoy - I'm really curious where you live that a presumably healthy baby boy doesn't get adopted as an infant and ends up in the system.

[Reddit User] - NTA. You willingly invited your daughter in law and son to stay with you out of the kindness of your heart and she repays you by dragging up painful memories and being an AH. You were 15 and not ready in any sense to be a dad to your kid and you and Matt are fine now. Hannah is 100% in the wrong and Cindy is an AH too for excusing Hannah’s behaviour.

random-guy0320 - NTA - the fact that your son I siding with you is proof of that he has flat out told you he does not resent you for putting him in care I mean he has the courage to call you dad so once again you are I’m not way shape or form the a**hole here

ADVERTISEMENT

DrShacklez - NTA. The only person who should jave these feelings is your son, he doesnt and he understands by the sounds of things, you owe nothing to this girl and she sounds like she needs to learn manners

myeyedeal - NTA You invited them into your home, and she is completely disrespecting your home. Doesn't matter who it is, that's just basic manners. Separately, if Hannah is going to be a lasting and significant person in Matt's life, you will want to do your best to have a positive relationship with her.

I'm pretty sure you don't want your son going back out of your life, and your daughter seems to think further conversation with Hannah is a good idea, so please do consider trying to get some resolution on this. Don't know Hannah's backstory that may be causing the reaction she's having.

ADVERTISEMENT

She's out of place to publicly judge and challenge you on your personal and family decisions, and that may be coming from her own history or potentially current experiences that she isn't able to respond or react to - you're the target she can aim for, as it were. Or, if she's expressing thoughts Matt has shared with her, then you should have some talks with him first to get that out in the open.

But in talking with her, the boundaries need to be clear. She can't just disrespect you and your household and her status as a guest. That's starting place #1 - meet with her somewhere outside of your house, and define that you'd like to find a way to feel comfortable inviting her back.

And decide what is up for discussion with her and what is not - just bc she has identified herself as Matt's defender doesn't mean whatever she wants to talk about or get from you is appropriate. Some things are between you and Matt - if Matt decides to share them with her, that's his business. But as far as what's between you and her, you both need to come to a respectful understanding.

ADVERTISEMENT

ResidentLadder - INFO: Why was he in the system for 18 years? Was there something missing when he was born, legally, to allow him to be adopted? Usually when a parent agrees to an adoption (for a healthy newborn), there are many interested and I’m not sure why he would have stayed in the system.

These are Reddit’s bold verdicts, but do they hold water? Maybe Hannah needs a crash course in guest etiquette—or a time-out to rethink her script!

From a teenage sacrifice to a lockdown showdown, this tale weaves loss, love, and a fiery eviction. He gave Matt a shot at a better life, rebuilt a bond, and faced Hannah’s harsh words—justified in ousting her, or too quick on the draw? Matt’s on his side, Cindy urges talk, and Reddit’s buzzing. Tough calls linger in families—what would you do if a guest judged your past? Hit the comments—share your heart, weigh in, or bridge this father-son gap!

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *