AITA for kicking out him and his kid after they didn’t do dishes?

Step into a kitchen where a sink brims with unwashed pans, sparking a showdown that ends a three-week stay. This Reddit saga unfolds as a woman, fed up with her boyfriend and his daughter’s refusal to clean despite her pleas, kicks them out after finding a messy kitchen post-work. Was her outburst too harsh? Reddit and experts dive into this clash of boundaries and respect, revealing tensions in shared spaces.

Her home became a battleground of ignored chores and broken promises. This tale of frustration and fairness pulls us into a debate about household respect and relationship red flags. Let’s unpack the story, community reactions, and expert insights.

‘AITA for kicking out him and his kid after they didn’t do dishes?’

My BF of 2 1/2 years needed a place to stay for 3 weeks while his house was being renovated. He has full custody of his daughter, 11yo 'Hannah'. To cut right to the chase, I've been to their home several times and it is not dirty by any means. It's always clean.

So why they feel it necessary to never, not once, pick up a damn broom or sponge to clean up messes they've made in my home makes absolutely no sense to me. My BF has a habit of dirtying every pan in the house it seems to make a single meal and then just lets them pile up in the sink or on the counter/stove. He will re-do their laundry 8 times because he leaves it in the washer until it stinks.

Hannah's clothing (socks/pants/shirts) strewn all over my house because she takes them off and tossed them wherever they land (she wears PJ shorts and tank tops underneath absolutely everything so as soon as she comes in the door from school she just takes off her clothes and tosses them). I think I've seen my BF clean a single fork since being here.

So a few days ago I lost my s**t a bit and told them either they start cleaning up or they could leave. I told them BOTH before I left for work that my sink had better not be filled with dishes when I get home from work because it was my day to cook and I'm not cleaning dishes before cooking. I walk in a half hour ago (both had been home for over an hour) and my sink is completely filled.

I flipped the f**k out, told them to pack it up and leave immediately. My BF started protesting, saying he simply 'forgot' and rushed to the sink and I told him it was too late and to get out because I couldn't stomach seeing either of them right now. So they leave. But I'm being told I'm an AH and 'too harsh' because they simply 'forgot to clean'. AITA?

ETA: just a quick add here. No I did not go from 0 to 100 without talking to them about it first in a calm fashion. It's been two weeks and I had asked them several times in the first week to please help me out and pick up after themselves because it was frustrating that I had to pick up after them immediately following me returning from work. Neither of them have cleaned at all despite me asking several times.

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This woman’s eviction of her boyfriend and his daughter was a stand for her boundaries after repeated disrespect. Their refusal to clean, despite clear requests, turned her home into a hotel. Dr. Amy Canevello, a relationship psychologist, notes, “Mutual respect in shared spaces builds trust; neglect erodes it.” The boyfriend’s inaction and his daughter’s messiness signal a lack of consideration, testing the relationship’s foundation.

The situation reflects a broader issue: unequal chore distribution in relationships. Studies show women often bear 60% more household labor, even as guests. The boyfriend’s clean home suggests he’s capable but chose not to contribute, possibly assuming OP would handle it.

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Canevello’s work emphasizes clear communication and consequences. The woman’s ultimatum was fair, though a calmer approach might have de-escalated. Couples facing this could set chore schedules early.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit’s dishing out a bold “NTA” with a sprinkle of spice. Here’s their fiery take:

duchessofcheezit - NTA. His home is clean because he doesn't have a woman living there to do it for him. In your home, you're the default cleaner. This may be a glimpse into your future should you live with him permanently.. ETA: my first awards—thank you!

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[Reddit User] - NTA. They didn't forget, they simply didn't believe you would have a spine.

TreadingLife1038 - NTA I keep seeing so many comments about whether she had a calm conversation with them first. Like wtf… an 11 year old and a grown man should know to clean up after themselves. There shouldn’t need to be a conversation.

Tekira85 - NTA. When people show you who they are, believe them. You've had a preview of what your life will be like if you continue this relationship.

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ScammerC - NTA. Do they forget to eat and flush the toilet too? Are you supposed to play hotel housekeeping for three days so they can have a vacation?. Consider yourself lucky you found out before you decided to live together.

AlmostxAngel - NTA They were taking advance of you. If you end up marrying and living with this guy then he is going to expect you to do all the cleaning and chores from the sound of it. His daughter is young so I could give her a pass but if he wasn't parenting and getting on to her about laundry and what not then she'll never change.

Due_Manufacturer_157 - NTA. You set a boundary, they crossed it, now he has to deal with the consequences. I wonder if you ever brought up to him that his place never seemed to be this messy, so why are they suddenly not cleaning up after themselves? Sounds like they're treating your home as a hotel, which is maybe where they belong.

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NightNurse14 - NTA they're taking advantage of you.

AlphaTokerProweller - So you're giving them a free place to stay while their house gets renovated and they decide they don't know how to pick up after themselves any more? I don't blame you if you're kicking them out that is not harsh at all in my honest opinion. NTA. Edit to say, you should probably clarify the time period that they were there just so that's a little more clear on your part how long it's been going on.

Far_Anteater_256 - NTA. They had one job: make sure the dishes were done by the time you got home from work. One job is not an easy thing to 'forget'. It's far more likely that they just didn't think you'd really kick them out over it & decided to call your bluff.

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These opinions hit hard, but do they miss nuances? Reddit’s a vibrant stage—let’s see if they land the mark.

This story stirs a pot of frustration, respect, and broken dishes. The woman’s eviction was a cry for fairness, but was it the only way to clean house? Her boyfriend’s neglect speaks volumes. What would you do if guests treated your home like a dumping ground? Share your stories—how do you handle disrespect in shared spaces?

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