AITA for kicking my mom out of my house?

Jonathan Hours
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Imagine the buzz of a college graduation weekend, a 28-year-old ready to toss their cap under a sunlit sky, surrounded by proud parents. But instead of hugs and cheers, a storm brews in a cozy townhouse. The graduate’s mom, still nursing a 20-year-old divorce grudge, drops a bombshell: she’s fleeing town right after the ceremony to avoid her ex-husband and his new wife. Her bitterness threatens to steal the spotlight from her child’s milestone.

Tensions flare as the graduate pushes back, refusing to let old wounds ruin their big day. What started as a celebration spirals into a heated showdown, ending with the mom storming out and cutting contact. Was the graduate wrong to demand both parents show up and act civil? This tale unpacks the messy clash of family loyalty, personal boundaries, and a long-overdue reckoning.

‘AITA for kicking my mom out of my house?’

I'm graduating college in a few days, my mom and dad flew into town to see me. My dad brought his wife. My mom went and visited her parents while I spent time with my dad. My mom is staying at my house and my dad is in a hotel. I got home last night and my mom tells me she's changing her plane ticket to leave immediately after I graduate.

I ask her why and she says she hates my dad and his wife and doesn't want them around. She literally hasn't seen my dad yet on this trip or since I was 18 which was nearly ten years ago. I told her if she doesn't want to be here then she should just leave. Then she said that I love my dad more than her, that I'm calling her a s**t parent, etc.

I never said those things, then she claimed my dad put me up to it to kick her out. None of its true. I told her I'm not picking sides, I'm picking me. This is my weekend, I want both of my parents at my graduation. I told her she divorced him over 20 years ago and to get the HELL over it and she's not going to make me feel guilty for wanting a relationship with my dad and told her to get out.

Yes my dad was a bad husband (no he wasn't abusive mentally or physically to my mom) he had poor money issues and often picked his family over her, SHE divorced him. But he was a good father to me all my life. She let me take her to her parents house after an hour of her walking around my town because she stormed out. I dropped her off and she said 'thanks for nothing.' and now she won't talk to me.. AITA?

Family milestones like graduations should be about unity, but old grudges can turn joy into chaos. The graduate’s mom, unable to face her ex after 20 years, put her child in an impossible spot. Her accusations—that her child loves their dad more or is conspiring against her—reveal deep insecurities, likely rooted in feeling sidelined during her marriage. The graduate’s firm stance, “I’m picking me,” prioritizes their own peace, but the ultimatum may have escalated the rift.

Divorce leaves lasting scars, especially when parents involve kids in their conflicts. A 2019 study from the American Psychological Association found that 20% of adult children of divorce report strained parental relationships due to ongoing resentment . Here, the mom’s refusal to move on burdens her child unfairly, while the graduate’s reaction reflects a need for boundaries.

Dr. Joshua Coleman, a psychologist specializing in family estrangement, says, “Adult children often feel caught in a loyalty trap when parents refuse to co-parent civilly” . The mom’s behavior suggests unresolved trauma, possibly triggered by seeing her ex’s new life. The graduate’s ultimatum, though harsh, was a stand for self-respect. Therapy could help both process these wounds.

For readers in similar spots, setting clear boundaries while offering empathy—like suggesting a separate celebration—can reduce conflict.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit’s got some spicy takes on this family feud, and they’re serving truth with a side of sass.

plinky4 - NTA. I'm not picking sides, I'm picking me. godlike response

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runedued - NTA. It sucks when parents make kids choose sides, regardless of age. You are not in the wrong here especially since you did your best to accommodate both sides.

doodles2019 - NTA, you can’t accommodate everyone else all of the time. However, I think your mum has some challenges that stem from being not the priority and feeling that someone else has been picked over her - you can see this in the way she reacted to you, and by your comment that your father was a bad husband because he prioritised his family over her.

devlin94 - INFO: If I'm good at math that makes you 28, so definitely not a child. Has your mom ever acted like this before? I wonder if visiting her parents set something off and she was in the midst of an anxiety attack.

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CaroSCP - NTA, it's been 20 years, she needs some therapy if she hasn't moved forward.

mellybelly1023 - INFO: How long was she going to stay after the graduation? And I don't fully understand why you were upset with her leaving right after anyway. I can see her bad attitude really bothering you because that does truly emotionally suck, but was it really worth the ultimatum? Those never really seem to work out, especially with parents like her (you don't love me, he's turning you against me, etc).

There is something to be said for both keeping the peace and standing up for yourself, but which choice would have put you in a better place today? I'm gunna say ESH, with a strong emphasis on your mom and the situation she created. She is a waaaay bigger AH, but ultimatums are always an AH thing to do.

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(also the 'not picking sides, I'm picking me' is the best thing a divorce child can do, and I feel you so deeply with that. I hope both parents can one day understand what that truly means and why it is so important. NTA for choosing you, still AH for ultimatums)

oksccrlvr - NTA. Your mother needs some serious psychological help, but it is NOT your responsibility to get it for her. As a divorced parent with two adult children, I would NEVER do this to my children. I love them more than I have ever hated my ex-husband. In fact, we have worked hard to have a positive relationship for the benefit of our children.. Congrats on your graduation. I wish it had been drama-free.

mycrookedwang - I don't know. ESH in my opinion. Your mom was really out of pocket for saying what she did. You want both your parents at the weekend. It's not wrong to expect an adult to, for literally two days out of 20 years, just deal with another human for their child. Especially since you and that human are that child's parents.

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However, your mom DID offer to come to your graduation right? Correct me if I'm wrong. She would've been at the ceremony. She's just leaving after meaning she wont be going to any dinners or anything? I feel like that's ok.... telling her to leave period so that she wouldn't even be at the graduation ceremony sounds extreme. Unless I'm getting this incorrect.

I would be frustrated if I were you too but I wouldn't have then just told her to leave period. I'd be annoyed but I'd be ok with it since she'd still be at the ceremony. Unless you're saying she wouldn't have even greeted you after because she's afraid to see your dad? In which case, maybe you could've just asked her to stay and have a meal with you after just the two of you.

Then you can do something with your dad separately. Being a child of divorce is frustrating I'm sure but that seems ok... Again, I think your mom was maybe goading you into a fight by saying she's going to leave when you were hoping she'd stay and hoping they could bury their beef and just being adults with you for once. That really sucks. But I also don't know if you had to then tell her to forget the entire weekend.

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[Reddit User] - NTA she is majorly projecting. Don't fall for it, it's just manipulation tactics.

The_Changed_Cola - INFO She was going to stay for your graduation but you kicked her out before the graduation? I think she was venting because your dad hurt her in the past. It's not easy to just 'get over it' if you were in a battered marriage. With that said I do not believe in putting your children in the middle and she shouldn't have said anything to you.

It's perfectly normal to 'hate your dad and his wife' without involving the children. Life isn't black and white though and many adults aren't able to contain themselves. Hopefully she'll at least go to your graduation. She does owe you an apology for her behavior. She is only human.

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These comments light up the debate, but do they nail the heart of this drama?

This graduation saga shows how fast old family wounds can bleed into new milestones. The graduate’s bold move to kick their mom out was a stand for their own happiness, but it came at the cost of a painful rift. Could they have found a middle ground, or was the mom’s tantrum a dealbreaker? If you were in their shoes, how would you handle parents who can’t let go of the past? Jump into the comments and spill your thoughts!

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