AITA for kicking my housemate’s girlfriend out?

Picture a cozy apartment, a haven for three friends who’ve turned a shared space into a home filled with laughter and camaraderie. The OP, a generous 25-year-old who inherited the place, treated his housemates like family—until one friend’s new girlfriend moved in unannounced, stirring the pot. What started as a gesture of goodwill spiraled into a clash of boundaries when S’s girlfriend, D, set up camp without a word, leaving the OP to draw a line in the sand.

The tension boiled over into an awkward confrontation, a heated argument, and a threat to move out, testing the bonds of friendship. Reddit’s weighing in, and the verdict’s spicy, but was the OP’s call to evict the uninvited guest fair or too harsh? Dive into this drama where respect and roommates collide, and the stakes feel all too personal.

‘AITA for kicking my housemate’s girlfriend out?’

Alright so first of all a little context. We are three guys living together in a three bedroom one living room apt that I inherited from my parents who died when I was a teenager. I'm 25M, second guy we're gonna call R 24m and third guy is gonna be S 22m.

I'd also like to believe we are friends instead of just housemates and I've told them both numerous times that as long as they stay here they can treat my home as their own. Now what happened is that S got a new gf two months ago, we'll call her D. The girl is 20f, a student and she lives on campus.

Without speaking to me or our other house mate he asked D to move in with him in his bedroom, she has been living with us rent free for about a month or so. I didn't say anything at first because I figured hey he has a new girl they want to spend time together, it's a new relationship they want to see each other a lot this is completely normal.

About a week or so I talked to him about asking her to move back on campus while making sure to make it abundantly clear that she is welcome to visit, the way I put it to him is '2-3 days here then 2-3 days back home is fine'. S didn't respond to it so yesterday night I asked him to talk to her again, he left me on read.

This morning I talked to her myself, explained that she can't move in but that she is welcome to visit. I think I was kind of awkward as I am usually nonconfrontational. She got upset, left in a hurry despite me telling her she didn't have to leave right away and that she just needs to keep it in mind.

Afterwards S was very aggresive, got into an argument with me, said he'll pay this month's rent and move out next month. I feel bad, I'm not sure if this is my fault. R is on my side, said that what I told him is normal and how rented places are supposed to work.

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My colleagues from work tell me that I am a way too permissive beta and that I should've kicked them both out this morning. I don't want to, I still consider S my friend. Somehow I still feel like an a**hole and like the bad guy and I resent both S and D for making me feel this way.. What do you guys think?

Moving someone into a shared home without a group chat first? That’s a bold move, and not the good kind. The OP’s attempt to set boundaries with S’s girlfriend was a reasonable response to an overstep, but S’s aggressive reaction turned a manageable issue into a full-blown feud. Let’s unpack this with some expert perspective.

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Dr. Irene Levine, a friendship expert, notes in Psychology Today that “clear communication is the cornerstone of successful roommate relationships” (Psychology Today). S’s failure to discuss D’s move-in breached this trust, putting the OP in a tough spot. Levine emphasizes that unspoken assumptions, like S’s, often lead to conflict in shared living, as seen here.

This situation reflects broader issues of respect in cohabitation. A 2022 survey by Apartment Therapy found that 41% of roommates face disputes over unapproved guests, highlighting how common these tensions are. S’s refusal to engage after the OP’s polite requests escalated the issue, making the direct approach to D necessary, if awkward.

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For the OP, maintaining open dialogue is key. He could propose a house meeting to reset expectations, ensuring all roommates agree on guest policies. If S moves out, the OP should seek a housemate who respects shared rules. His generosity is admirable, but firm boundaries will preserve both his home and friendships moving forward.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The Reddit gang brought their A-game, serving up support and a few choice words like a potluck with extra spice. Here’s the unfiltered take from the crowd:

CleaRae − NTA - it’s how things work in a share home. You don’t make a major change like moving someone in with our discussion. It’s also expected with new partners you do it in a way not to inconvenience others. Such as the split you suggested.

thepalebeast91 − NTA. Your friend probably didn’t want to be a schmuck by having to tell her, so at least you had the guts to. You did the right thing.

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troll_pvd − NTA. He had no right to move someone in without first asking you and R. I think you were very generous offering to let her stay a couple nights in a row after moving in without asking. And it's ridiculous that S is aggressive with you now. Let him move out. You don't want that kind of person living with you.

External_Outcome5678 − NTA. Even if you didn’t own the place and you guys were just roommates, you don’t just invite an SO to move in without oking if with the other roommates.

CarpeCyprinidae − NTA. Its cool that you paid no attention to your toxic colleagues.. their beta/alpha s**t isn't healthy.. Your house, you get to set the levels of tension...

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ShadyBookDealer − NTA This is how I would have approached the situation. It's very obvious your friend knew he was doing something wrong when he didn't talk to anybody before moving in. It's very obvious your friend knew he was doing something wrong when he ignored your texts. Now your friend is ashamed that the wrong things he was doing has affected his life and needs to take it out on an easy target, you.

Darcy-Pennell − NTA. You did nothing wrong. Your roommate was taking advantage and when you reasonably asked him to change he was a jerk about it. Your coworkers are also huge assholes for calling you a “beta” for being a decent friend and landlord. Sounds like they want you to be an AH like them.

CyberShooter211 − NTA, if he had asked and you had talked none of this wouldve happened

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QAB1974 − NTA. Even if they didn’t think they were doing it, they were taking advantage of your kindness. You did the right thing by speaking to her. I kind of doubt S will really move, but unless they apologize, I’d be asking him to leave. That’s YOUR home. You make the rules, not S.

bubbleuj − NTA. He didn’t talk to you before having her over and you tried to talk to him and he wasn’t into it.. Renting when you’re also living in the place is a totally different deal. It’s ok to have rules.

Reddit’s rallying behind the OP, praising his restraint while calling out S’s audacity for moving D in without a heads-up. Some see S’s tantrum as a red flag, urging the OP to let him go. But do these hot takes capture the full story, or are they just fanning the roommate drama flames?

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This roommate rumble shows how fast generosity can turn to resentment when boundaries get trampled. The OP’s effort to keep his home harmonious clashed with S’s unilateral move, leaving friendships on shaky ground. Respect in shared spaces isn’t just nice—it’s non-negotiable. Have you ever had to set boundaries with a roommate’s guest? Share your stories and thoughts—would you have handled this differently, or was the OP’s call the right one?

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