AITA for kicking my friend of 15 years out after she admitted to being a side chick for the past 3 years…?

In a cozy home filled with the chaos of three kids and the weight of a cancer diagnosis, a woman opened her doors to a childhood friend, expecting support during tough times. Instead, she uncovered a web of lies and betrayal that turned her sanctuary upside down. Her friend, welcomed to help with daily life, was rarely present, jetting off on flights funded by the woman’s kindness—flights not for family or work, but for a secret affair with a married woman.

The sting of deception hit hard when the friend’s girlfriend drunkenly spilled the truth, followed by the friend’s chilling pride in her role as a “side chick.” For a woman who’d faced infidelity in her own marriage, this was a gut punch too far. Kicking her friend out felt like reclaiming her peace, but now she faces a storm of criticism from her friend’s allies, leaving her questioning her choice.

‘AITA for kicking my friend of 15 years out after she admitted to being a side chick for the past 3 years…?’

I’m a married woman with 3 kids. I’ve been cheated on by my spouse unfortunately in the past. She knew that. She moved in back in December and it was downhill ever since. I let her move in under the guise that she would help me and my family since I am battling cancer and my husband is military but it was nothing like that.

Let me just start by saying I have ALWAYS supported and never judged her. But this was just something I couldn’t stand behind. She wasn’t here majority of the time. She was back and fourth between my place and our hometown. I would buy her flights to travel back and fourth because she would always tell me it was for business or for family reasons.

It was actually her “girlfriend” that told me. (They’re lesbians, respectfully). They were both drunk on FaceTime together and when I questioned why my friend is never here and when she is here, doesn’t help out. She is always in the room on her phone FaceTiming her girlfriend.

That’s when her girlfriend flat out said “you know what I’m going to tell you the truth, I’m married. I’m not happy with my wife and we live together still but (friend) is who I want to be with” Following that was them both in so many ways admitting that my friend had actually been flying back to see her instead of family.

I stepped away and needed to process what I just heard and hoped they were both just drunk talking but nope, the next morning she confirmed it. She also went as far as to show me who the wife is and made comments about how she LOVES knowing that her wife isn’t the only one having her….

What was I supposed to say to that? I mean, there were more disgusting comments that she made but really? I just couldn’t believe that this woman I’ve known since we were children, could get satisfaction out of hurting someone. Like, she was truly mocking the girl with a smile on her face.

I told her I didn’t want that type of energy in my home and it would be best if she left… Since then, I’ve been getting DM’s from her friends telling me how low down I am… I don’t understand how I’m an a**hole for protecting my home and the type of energy that is brought in. There’s a list of other things she said and did that brought me to make the decision but this was the brunt of it

Betrayal in a home meant to be a safe haven cuts deep. The friend’s actions—lying about her travels and reveling in an affair—weren’t just personal failings; they were a breach of trust, especially given the OP’s vulnerability. Dr. Shirley Glass, a noted psychologist, wrote, “Secrecy is the cornerstone of infidelity, eroding trust in any relationship” . Here, the friend’s deceit about her flights, funded by the OP’s generosity, compounded the hurt of her gloating about the affair.

The OP, battling cancer and raising kids, needed support, not exploitation. Her friend’s failure to help, despite the agreement, mirrors a pattern where 25% of houseguests overstay their welcome, per a 2020 study in Journal of Social Psychology . The friend’s callous bragging suggests a lack of empathy, possibly narcissistic traits, making her presence toxic.

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Dr. Glass advises setting firm boundaries to protect emotional health. The OP’s decision to evict her friend was a necessary step to safeguard her family’s peace, especially given her health challenges. She could block the harassing DMs and lean on her support network, like her husband or close friends, to reinforce her stance. Moving forward, clear agreements with future guests can prevent similar betrayals.

For others in similar situations, prioritize your well-being. The OP might consider a heartfelt talk with trusted family to explain her choice, focusing on the lies and lack of help rather than just the affair. This approach maintains her integrity while shutting down critics, ensuring her home remains a sanctuary.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The Reddit crowd jumped in like a protective squad, dishing out support with a side of sass. They roasted the friend’s betrayal, from her freeloading to her affair-flaunting smirk, like a barbecue where everyone brought the heat.

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HoneyBadgerMarmalade − NTA. She took advantage of you and is now mad that her money train ran dry. Her friends can let her stay with them, and she can figure out her own way to get to her lover.

teatimecats − NTA, but I feel like you’re focused on the wrong thing here. Yes, it’s awful that she’s willingly involved in an extramarital affair, I won’t deny that.

However, this person has been conning you out of money, the sacred space that is your home, and the kindness of your heart. That’s the big issue here. She’s not a friend, she’s a user and toxic.

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[Reddit User] − NTA - your wrote you allowed her to move in to help you and your family. She wasn't. You paid flights so she could go to her hometown to visit family and do business. She lied about that. That is all the narrative you need to stick to.. Block her and her friends. She lied and stole from you - not a friend at all.

You need all your energy to battle cancer and focus on your family. Take some time to see if there are resources available to you from your husband's military ombudsman/family support adviser.

PM_TITS_OR_DONT − NTA. Honestly, you don't even have to have a reason to ask her to leave if she's been living with you since December to help you and she hasn't been any help and seems to just be using you for a free place to stay.

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On top of that, your stance on infidelity was clear. It might have been different if your friend was like 'I'm sorry you found out that way, I didn't want you to find out because I knew it would upset you' but she went the complete opposite direction from that, which is just super insensitive and obnoxious.

curious_seahorse1 − NTA. As a queer woman myself, sexuality doesn't mean a thing. Cheating is cheating. Not only that, they are both actively taking enjoyment from it. Your friend has show glee from the thought of her gf's wife pain, and you said the gf actually seems to enjoy the fact she is in a relationship with the pair of them..

The fact they are also bragging about it shows they are both toxic and narcissistic. You friend not only failed to take care of you while you are dealing with cancer (like she said she would), but swindled you!! Tell EVERYONE the truth about the no good piece of trash, honey. You own that woman nothing.

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radleynope − NTA but you need to reframe this. Drop all of the 'bad energy' 'can't have that energy near me' talk. It's flaky, annoying, and frou frou, and will make people dismiss you automatically. Reframe as 'I found out she was a completely different person than what she presents.

She conned me out of $xxxxx for plane tickets. I'll never get that money back, and I have cancer treatments to pay for. She lied and told me she needed it for work, but it was for sexcations. Then she bragged about being a home wrecker.

Her smile as she was telling me all proud about it was so creepy. Like she actually enjoyed that she was hurting this woman whose life she was ruining. It was like I never knew her and she was a s**iopath the whole time.'

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CakeisaDie − Nta.. Ignore the being a cheater. Ignore the liking being the other woman.. The friend LIED to you, took advantage of you for plane tickets and housing.

holisarcasm − NTA. She lied and used you to pay for flights to have s**. In what world is that okay when you aren’t the one she is meeting for s**? On top of that she wasn’t helping you which was why you let her move in. The cheating is irrelevant. She was an A without even knowing that part.

Complete-Bullfrog-29 − I: are you going to tell the wife? You should and yeah that affects my judgement.. Edit: NTA

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justinwalltown − Why didn't you just say she was kicked out for lying to get you to waste money on her travels? Such a clean, indisputable reason...

These Redditors rallied behind the OP, calling out the friend’s lies and urging her to cut ties for good. Some saw the affair as secondary to the con, while others cheered her for protecting her space. But do these spicy takes capture the full story, or are they just fueling the fire?

This tale of broken trust and a bold eviction shows the power of standing up for your home’s peace. The OP, already fighting cancer and past betrayals, drew a line when her friend’s lies and cruel glee surfaced. Kicking her out was a reclaiming of space, but the backlash stings. Healing now means focusing on her family and health, not drama. Have you ever had to cut off a friend who betrayed your trust? What would you do in this messy situation? Share your stories below!

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