AITA for kicking my brother and his boyfriend out for insulting my husband’s condition?

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When you open your home to family in need, you expect some bumps—but not a full-blown showdown over dinner. One woman thought she was doing the right thing by giving her brother and his boyfriend a place to stay after they were rejected by their conservative parents.

But when the boyfriend’s cooking triggered her husband’s serious vomiting condition, what started as a kind gesture turned into a storm of accusations and hurt feelings. After a second round of drama and disrespect, she kicked them out. Now her brother claims she ruined his life. But did she really cross a line—or was she right to protect her partner?

‘AITA for kicking my brother and his boyfriend out for insulting my husband’s condition?’

My brother (19) is gay and our parents are not really accepting of that due to their religious background. He didn't feel comfortable staying with them so about a week ago he asked me if he could stay with his boyfriend with my husband and I. After some discussion with the spouse we agreed to let them use the guest room temporarily until he can get his own place.

Anyways his boyfriend is an aspiring chef and he wanted to pay us back for letting them stay with us. The problem is, it's only his fantasy, he's not actually any good at cooking. I wouldn't describe it as awful, but it's certainly not great. My husband is very prone to vomiting

and it's not something he can control (he's seen an allergist for this btw, but she wasn't really helpful and I now know his tastes so I can cater to them; he did in fact throw up a lot of stuff involuntarily back when we first started dating and I'm a *good* cook!).

I suppose you can guess what happened. Brother's boyfriend tried cooked something (some sort of enchilada with custom made meatballs I think?) and it made husband nauseous; my husband hurled his creation in the sink. This upset my brother's boyfriend, and he started to berate my husband about respect.

My husband argued with him, and my brother joined in, berating my husband as well. I saw red and told off my brother about respecting my household, but he brushed it off. Anyways the boyfriend tried cooking again yesterday and again made my husband throw up,

and again the boyfriend went off on my husband, worse than the day before and accusing him of just faking it. My brother once *again* joined in; I had enough and told him to just get out if he wasn't going to respect us. After a screaming match he went back to our parents

and now has been sending me angry texts about how I ruined his life and he never wants to see me again. I'm really conflicted; I had to defend hubby here but was the way went about it too much? Husband didn't really say anything about the kick out, he preferred not to get involved in my family.

This situation is a classic case of good intentions turning into a conflict due to poor communication and emotional immaturity. The husband’s vomiting issue may seem extreme, but conditions like cyclic vomiting syndrome or extreme food sensitivities can cause strong physical reactions—even if the food isn’t objectively bad. It’s not about being rude or dramatic; it’s a genuine, involuntary response that needs understanding and accommodation.

That said, the way the boyfriend and brother reacted shows a lack of empathy. Rather than showing concern, they accused the husband of faking and made the situation about their hurt feelings. It’s never okay to berate someone for a medical issue they can’t control, especially as guests in someone else’s home.

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Still, some blame lies with the hosts as well. If they knew the boyfriend wanted to cook, it would have been respectful to explain the husband’s condition beforehand. A simple heads-up might have avoided the entire misunderstanding.

Ultimately, the decision to ask them to leave wasn’t just about bad food—it was about repeated disrespect. Protecting your partner and setting boundaries in your own home isn’t cruelty; it’s necessary when others refuse to listen.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Let’s dive into what Reddit had to say:

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meltedcheeser - NTA. Your brother is immature. His partner is worse. They tried to do something kind, cool, and when it caused a challenge, they made it about them. Their egos. Their insecurities. Their drama.. Your husband has a difficult stomach.

He didn’t insult them, he had a reaction. As two people who had just experienced no empathy from their family, it’s remarkable how quickly they assumed that role.. Not the a**hole. Tell your brother to stop hate texting.

comingtogetyoubabs - NTA Not even a little bit. Who the hell berates someone for getting sick? I don't quite understand why your husband agreed to try it in the first place, especially a second time, but still. Terrible guest behavior.. Block him on your phone and consider seeing other specialists, that doesn't sound healthy or pleasant.

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Overall-Bus - I'm so confused? Did they know about this issue before hand or did you tell them during it?. If so, NTA.

Kellogz27 - Unpopular, but ESH. While your husband is not at fault for having this reaction, your communication skills did not help. Why wait after he threw up to tell your brother this? If I cooked and someone ran to the toilet to throw up and then they come with 'I have a condition' I would feel they would be lying too.. I also have the feeling I'm missing a lot of information here.

Araucaria2024 - I think that you and your husband need to shoulder some blame here. 'Im seeing a doctor for food issues, so whilst it's being investigated I need to stick to certain foods. I appreciate the thought though.'. Instead he there it in the sink, which seems like a temper tantrum and overreaction. ESH. If you have food issues, you need to manage it.

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[Reddit User] - ESH. It's strange that your husband seems to manage your cooking just fine and yet you say there are no specific trigger foods. You are a good cook, so if he was throwing up at the beginning of your relationship, it shows that it's not just an issue of the quality of cooking.

You two failed to give the cook a heads up, you failed to share your insights as to what works when you do the cooking. They failed to keep their emotions in check. I don't know why any of you thought it was a good idea for him to cook a second time. Because I see everyone as being at fault, I think kicking him out was a bit much.

ostentia - ESH. From the comments, you didn’t mention that your husband even had this condition until after he threw up the first meal. So, you guys just let the boyfriend cook a full meal without mentioning the issue or informing him of the triggers of the condition.

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How were you thinking that would work out? Were you just sort of hoping that the boyfriend would happen upon a recipe without any of the triggers? And then you let him cook again the next night, again without mentioning the triggers?

Come on. I understand not wanting to share medical information, but when you have a stomach condition with triggers you’re well aware of and you’re letting someone else cook for you, it’s incumbent on you to share that information.

SummerBerryCake - INFO: when did they learn about your husband’s condition? If before these incidents (or even after the first) NTA.

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meepmeepcuriouscat - NTA. It sounds like your brother and his boyfriend aren't exactly understanding people. It may just be that they're immature. I hope things are bearable for them at your parents' place, and that your husband is fine.

Buying_Bagels - ESH. If you have any allergies, dietary conditions, dietary choices or anything like that, you should tell people who are preparing food for you. Instead of letting them figure it out. You should have sat them down either the morning after he throw up, to explain it, or the third morning.

Away from the incident but still make it known. They were a bit of assholes yes for how they acted screaming at him, yes. This doesn’t sound like a healthy home if someone is yelling at someone else for throwing up, so maybe it is best you all separated.

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Some Redditors pointed out the irony: the brother, recently hurt by parental rejection, showed the same kind of intolerance to someone else’s challenges. Others found the boyfriend’s behavior to be driven by ego, not gratitude.

This isn’t just a story about a bad meal—it’s about miscommunication, respect, and drawing the line when kindness is abused. OP tried to offer a safe haven but was met with accusations and emotional chaos. But the core question remains: Was she right to evict her brother and his boyfriend? Or did her failure to properly prepare them play a role in the breakdown? What do you think? Should she have tried harder to keep peace, or was standing up for her husband the right call? Let us know in the comments.

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