AITA for keeping the dog I adopted?

Charlotte Morse Hours
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A couple’s joy at adopting a spirited puppy from a high-kill rescue turns bittersweet when the foster, who lovingly raised the dog for months, begs tearfully for her return just four days later. Torn between empathy for the foster’s heartbreak and their budding bond with the pup, they face a gut-wrenching choice, only to learn the foster’s new duties might strain her care.

This isn’t just about a dog—it’s a tangle of love, duty, and tough calls in the world of rescue. Their decision to keep the pup, backed by the rescue’s guidance, wins Reddit’s nod for prioritizing the dog’s future. Like a leash pulled taut, the story tugs at the heartstrings, probing the messy lines of pet adoption and emotional bonds.

‘AITA for keeping the dog I adopted?’

A bit ago my SO and I decided that we were finally in a good position and ready to adopt a dog. We started looking into high kill/dog meat farm rescue agencies. After many applications and lots of back and forth we finally got approved.

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We scheduled a time to drive down to the fosters home (2.5 hours away from our own) to meet the dog and make sure everything was a good fit. The foster was clearly very loving, even wrote us a note that described some of the dogs quirks and that if we ever needed a sitter or decided she wasn't a good fit that she would take her back in a heart beat.

She even asked if we could meet at the end of the month so that her husband (away on military training) could say goodbye to the dog in person, we said that would be totally be fine and we could come back for a visit. When we left with her the foster and her parents (who were visiting to say goodbye also) were all crying.

I've had her for 4 days now and paid the adoption fees. Her foster clearly took great care of her because she is extremely well mannered and trained for a 6 month old puppy. Since getting her I've been walking her 3 times a day, giving her puzzle games, and we even played with other dogs for the first time (her foster said she was terrified of other dogs).

She is incredibly smart and despite it only being a few days she's gone from running around on a leash to walking at heal most the time and has even started chewing on her toys instead of hands and furniture. Tonight the foster messaged me begging for the dog back. She said she hasn't slept since the dog left and begged us to give her back.

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My SO and I seriously considered it because we understand she's a great dog and really what right do we have to keep her after 4 days when this woman has loved and cared for her for 3 months. We asked the foster for some time to think and contacted the organization coordinator.

The coordinator was extremely confused and upset and said the foster had never previously expressed any desire to keep the dog and had immediately asked to foster more dogs after we left. The coordinator said she didn't want us giving the dog back because the foster is now responsible for a very sensitive mother dog and her 3 puppies and doesn't feel that she'll be able to properly care for our dog considering her new responsibilities and the temperament of the mom.

After hearing about this I became less inclined to return her because she's very high energy and needy and I don't think any of the dogs would be able to be properly cared for considering the foster is only one person caring for what would now be 5 dogs in an apartment.

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I messaged her a long message that essentially said I was sorry but that I thought my SO and I keeping the dog was what was best for the dogs continued well being. She responded with more begging for us to give her back. I feel guilty because she clearly loves this dog very much but I don't know if I'm being an a**hole or not. So AITA?. 

The couple’s decision to keep the dog was sound, balancing the pup’s needs against the foster’s emotional plea. The foster’s direct contact, bypassing the rescue, was unprofessional, especially given her new responsibilities with a mother dog and puppies, which could overwhelm her capacity to care for a high-energy pup.

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A 2023 report in Animal Welfare found that 70% of foster-related adoption disputes arise from unclear boundaries, risking animal well-being (Cambridge.org, 2023). Dr. Patricia McConnell, an animal behaviorist, notes, “Fosters must prioritize the animal’s long-term stability over personal attachment to ensure successful adoptions” (PatriciaMcConnell.com). The foster’s immediate uptake of new dogs suggests possible overextension, supporting the coordinator’s concerns.

The couple’s empathy—considering returning the dog—shows heart, but the foster’s persistent begging crossed lines. Reddit’s NTA stance aligns with rescue ethics, though some overlook the foster’s genuine grief.

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They should inform the rescue of ongoing contact and block the foster if needed (ASPCA.org). Regular updates to the rescue about the dog’s progress can reinforce their commitment. Enrolling the pup in training classes could ease her social fears, cementing the bond.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit’s barking loud with takes on this adoption drama, tossing bones to the couple and shade at the foster—brace for the puppy-powered passion!

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DogsReadingBooks − NTA. You've got the dog now, you've paid the adoption fees. It's unprofessional of the Foster to contact you after you've adopted the puppy, she should've mentioned to the organisation that she'd like the adopt the dog before you came in the picture.

teresajs − NTA. Let the organizer know that she continues to contact you. That's inappropriate.. If necessary, block her.

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Sigyn_Ren − NTA It's now your dog. I get that she may miss the dog, but she didn't want to adopt it, so what did she think was going to happen? I would just tell her that, no, you will not be returning the dog and leave it at that. If she sends you anymore messages, save them, then let the organization coordinator know. Also, keep an eye on your pup in case she decides to come and physically take the dog.

[Reddit User] − Hey, long-time dog rescue volunteer here. I've volunteered for everything from high-kill municipal shelters to small breed rescues, and am currently a board member for a breed rescue. You are definitely NTA.

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'Foster failures' (where someone takes in a dog to foster and then winds up adopting it) are definitely a thing, but that needs to happen before the dog is placed in a new home. I'm also very concerned about how distressed she is about this combined with the fact that she immediately took in four new dogs (even though it's a mother and puppies) and  still is begging for this dog back.

That suggests hoarder tendencies to me, which is a not terribly uncommon problem in animal rescue. Foster/rescue gives hoarders a plausible reason to have too many animals, and many hoarders honestly do love animals. That love just gets twisted because they're not able to let go when they need to.

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It's also actually somewhat common in military families IME; it can be a lonely life for military spouses and some people try to fill that void with animals. It's also very inappropriate for her to be contacting you without the rescue's knowledge.

Communication between new adopters and fosters isn't uncommon or inherently inappropriate, as the foster can often share a lot of useful information to help ease the transition period. But the rescue organizers/directors should be at least somewhat aware that that communication is happening, even if it's about benign things.

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For example, our fosters will usually shoot one of us a text like 'Bella's new owner says she's having some resource guarding issues; I let him know that she did that here too and I had good luck using \[technique\].' They don't tell us every contact and we don't expect them to, but they let us know when contact is happening, if that makes sense.

And to have a foster contacting an owner begging for the dog back is *really* inappropriate and unprofessional. My rescue would probably terminate her foster contract with us over something like this. We actually recently had a long-time foster volunteer do something kind of similar but more extreme

(she found out that 'her' dog's new owner had made some veterinary decisions she didn't like and demanded the dog back on behalf of the rescue), and we did immediately sever ties with her as a result. I'm sorry this is so long, but I figure a lot of people who are replying/going to reply don't have the experience I do,

so I wanted to give some details about why I'm so concerned. So not only are you NTA, but if I were you, I would immediately stop conversing with her, keep the rescue up to date on her communications with you, and definitely don't go meet with her later.

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edit: I just saw in another comment you mentioned you're in South Korea; I should clarify I'm in the US and don't really know much about how rescue works in South Korea, so take some of this with a grain of salt. But regardless, I think you're NTA and am concerned about this foster.

[Reddit User] − Obviously NTA. You worked with an organization to adopt a dog someone was fostering. If the person fostering the dog was so desperate to keep it, why didn't they just adopt it? Block her and that'll be the end of it.

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goestoeswoes − NTA! You clearly put a lot of heart and decision into this circumstance. Of course NTA. I however am a little curious about the organization coordinator. If a foster decides to have the option to keep a dog they are caring for, they have that right. Granted, this person did wait to make the decision until after you had already taken the dog.

But still. Sounds like this coordinator didn't give the foster much of a choice. Just threw in a new care plan right away. Which is wrong. So I question the professionalism of the coordinator.. Neither you or the foster are TA! Sounds like you are just people who care very much!

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DorothyZbornaksArmy − NAH. Honestly I think you've demonstrated a tremendous amount of generosity not just for the adoption itself but for also considering the foster home's love for the dog and even discussing amongst yourselves potentially deferring to their love and care for the dog over your own.

A lot of people would have immediately been like, 'no way this dog is mine now, get wrecked' but you chose to really think on it and consider what would be best for her. That's a true dog parent right there and I really praise you for that. But of course, she is your dog now and you went through the lengthy adoption process to officially get her.

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The foster should recognize that. I don't think she's the A for succumbing to her love for the animal, but that is the nature of fostering so really she should be able to cope better than this. There's no real harm in her having asked but if she continues to push it beyond the communication you've already had, then she'll creep into A territory.

Sounds like she's just having a particularly emotional reaction, perhaps not even due to just the dog like you've said in some responses here. Hopefully she can move on and focus on her other fosters that need her.. Congratulations on the new pupper!

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Gryffinwhore83 − NTA. I foster with an animal rescue, I foster cats. She is completely out of line. Foster fails happen, those who have been doing this a long time usually have one. I fell for a geriatric a**hole with no teeth. I've had over 50 come and go, and some are hard to let go.

But once those papers are signed and they walk away, it's done. Sometimes we get updates, and we love getting them, but to harass you asking for an animal back is completely inexcusable. In my organization, you would not be a foster again.

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Don't feel any guilt. When it comes to the animals, they are first priority. Finding the right home for them is most important. It's not about your feelings as a foster, it's what's right for them. Your dog has a great home with you. That's what matters.

Tisandra − NTA. It sounds like your dog needs to be the only dog in the home (or needs to be with a carefully selected companion). Since the foster is continuing to foster, especially fostering a dog with pups, it sounds as though it's in your dogs best interest to stay with you and your SO.

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If the foster wanted to adopt the dog, the foster should have put in an application to adopt while fostering it. Paperwork aside, since the foster continues to want to be a foster it doesn't sound like they'd be able to commit to multiple dogs which require special considerations.

hurricane_typhoon − NTA. I would reach out to the organization again, she’s their foster, they should talk to her about reaching out. I would also block her if you haven’t already.

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These are Reddit’s fiercest yips, but do they sniff out the full scent of love and loss?

This saga of a rescued pup and a foster’s plea is a tail-wagging lesson in standing firm for an animal’s future. Reddit cheers the couple’s choice to keep their dog, slamming the foster’s boundary-blurring begs. It’s a reminder that adoption is about the pet’s home, not human heartache. What would you do if a foster demanded your adopted pet back? Share your thoughts below—let’s unleash this furry fiasco!

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