AITA For Keeping Our Engagement And Alaskan Cruise Elopement A Total Secret From Our Families?

We all know that moment when the sheer magnitude of wedding planning starts to feel more like a stressful corporate merger than a celebration of love. For one young couple, the crushing weight of guest lists, family expectations, and massive student loans led to a radical, secret escape.

Faced with the daunting prospect of balancing medical school debts against a single, expensive day, they quietly made a pact. They realized that spending tens of thousands of dollars on a single party would set them back financially for years to come, so they chose a different path.

They didn’t just plan a private elopement; they kept their entire engagement a total secret for two months. Their plan culminated in a breathtaking Alaskan cruise where they exchanged intimate vows with only the ship’s captain and a pastor as witnesses.

But when they returned home to drop the double-bombshell, their families’ reactions were far from the pure joy they had envisioned. Want the juicy details? Dive into the original story below!

AITA For Keeping Our Engagement And Alaskan Cruise Elopement A Total Secret From Our Families?

AITA for secretly getting engaged, secretly getting married two months later, and then telling everyone afterward?

The dream of a perfect wedding day can quickly devolve into a logistical nightmare, forcing couples to re-evaluate what truly matters. For this couple, the pressure of planning was overshadowed by a mountain of student debt.

My husband (29M) and I (27F) have apparently caused a lot more drama than we expected, and now I'm wondering if we were the AH. A little backstory: when we...

Planning a wedding felt incredibly stressful, expensive, and honestly... it started to feel like the day was becoming more about everyone else than about us. My husband truly didn't care...

I, on the other hand, realized I didn't want to spend months stressing over guest lists, seating charts, family expectations, budgets, hurt feelings, and all the other things that seem...

My husband has a significant amount of student loan debt from medical school, and I also have student loan debt from my doctoral program. While we could have made a...

Stepping away from the noise allowed them to craft an intimate memory, but keeping the prelude entirely under wraps set a silent fuse. They decided that a complete media blackout was the only way to protect their peace.

We got engaged and didn't tell anyone. About two months later, we went on an Alaskan cruise, found a pastor through my husband's church, and got married in Alaska surrounded...

ADVERTISEMENT

It was literally just the two of us, the pastor, the captain of the boat who dropped us off (he and another person served as our witnesses), plus a photographer...

It was peaceful, intimate, and exactly what we both wanted. When we got back, we basically surprised everyone with, "We're engaged!... and actually... we already got married. " The reactions...

My husband's very Catholic parents were disappointed not only that they weren't there, but that we also didn't get married in a Catholic church. Our friends all seemed excited at...

ADVERTISEMENT

The clash between personal autonomy and family expectations is a delicate line to walk, especially when milestone moments are on the line. While their decision protected their pockets, it left their loved ones feeling entirely shut out.

From our perspective, we didn't do it to exclude anyone or because we don't love our families and friends. We genuinely wanted a day that was just ours without the...

That said, I completely understand why people feel hurt. Weddings are important to families too, and I know parents often dream about seeing their children get married. Looking back, I...

ADVERTISEMENT

It has always been our intention to have a vow renewal after 10–15 years of marriage, when we're more financially secure and have paid off a significant portion of my...

Community Opinions

The community was deeply divided, with many supporting the couple's financial wisdom while others felt keeping the engagement a secret was unnecessarily cold.

u/WildCherryLane NAH - you had the wedding you wanted but other people are allowed to be hurt. I don’t imagine any parent that remotely likes their kids wouldn’t be hurt...

ADVERTISEMENT

u/Similar_Corner8081
Nah it's your wedding but I can certainly see why they feel excluded.

u/Ok_Vast3534 Eloping is fine in theory but but I don’t blame them for being hurt and you’ll have to be okay with the ramifications of that. If someone did that...

u/morgaine125 Having a private is your choice and that’s fine. But being engaged for two months beforehand and keeping that a secret is a pretty big eff you to your...

ADVERTISEMENT

u/maybemaybenot2023
NTA- but it would have kinder to tell at least your parents beforehand.

u/DeliciousSashimi For my first marriage we got married in secret and didn’t tell anyone until a year later. Doing it this way I realized weddings serve two purposes: it’s for...

u/LiveLashLove You seem elite at planning and budgeting if you were able to get a pastor of your husband's church, a photographer and a videographer to come along on a...

ADVERTISEMENT

u/Jennilind19
As a parent, I completely understand your parents disappointment.
Ultimately, you’re an adult and can do what you want.
But yeah, kinda TAH

u/Used_Astronomer_4196
ESH! Not telling anyone of your plan I think was wrong. But what’s done is done. 

u/PittiesandParrots Yes, YTA for how you handled this. If you don't have conflict with your family, then they should have been told that you were at least engaged. Are you...

ADVERTISEMENT

u/Automatic_Fix8238 And your mum waited all those years to see you get married !!. . 😬. It’s was your day . But things will never be the same with friends...

u/graceling I mean... I probably would suggest not waiting 10 or 15 years to do a vow renewal. You don't know who will be around/alive then. And if you care...

u/its-kb-again The only thing that could possibly make you the AH here was “hinting around” to your families that there was not going to be a celebration unless they helped...

ADVERTISEMENT

u/madempress NTA. I think there were probably better options - communication is an expression of love and you didn't even communicate the engagememt. So either you're hiding a lot of...

u/Zealousideal-Bag5991 So I've always wanted an elopement, and I got that sort of, so I get that you just wanted the thing that felt best for the two of you....

Several users pointed out that while eloping is fine, the complete lack of communication during the two-month engagement was what truly stung.

ADVERTISEMENT

At its core, this situation highlights how difficult it can be to balance personal financial goals with the emotional expectations of those who love us. While saving money and avoiding wedding stress are incredibly practical, the emotional toll on parents who dreamed of sharing this milestone is a very real consequence.

Seeking the right marriage advice early on can help couples navigate these tricky family dynamics.

Do you think the couple was completely justified in keeping their joy to themselves to protect their peace, or did they cross a line by shutting out their parents entirely? How would you have handled this delicate situation?

ADVERTISEMENT

Drop your thoughts in the comments!

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *