AITA for keeping my home “Too Warm” and not wanting to adjust it for my Boyfriend?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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The thermostat read 28°C, a cozy haven for Sarah, a 31-year-old battling chronic anemia that left her shivering in anything cooler. Her apartment, a warm cocoon of hoodies and socks, was her sanctuary—until her boyfriend stepped in and found himself melting in what he jokingly called a “lizard terrarium.” The clash of her medical needs and his discomfort sparked a heated debate, literally and figuratively, about compromise in relationships.

This sticky situation raises a question: how do you balance personal health with a partner’s comfort? Sarah’s struggle to stay warm collided with her boyfriend’s need for a cooler night, leaving them both questioning their choices. Readers might feel the tension of navigating love when physical needs don’t align, wondering where empathy and practicality meet.

‘AITA for keeping my home “Too Warm” and not wanting to adjust it for my Boyfriend?’

I (31F) have severe chronic anaemia a result of which is I struggle to keep myself warm and am always cold even with my iron pills and transfusions when my levels drop too low, it sucks but it has become a part of my life i'm used to.

I keep my flat at 28c and never have it lower than that as lower is uncomfortable for me and even at 28c I need to have a hoodie and socks on for additional warmth, it means my gas bill is higher than the average person but what can you do?

My Boyfriend (30M) attempted to stay overnight for the first time during the weekend and was horrified by the temperature complaining of being too hot constantly and wanting me to turn it down, I apologised but said I really couldn't explaining how it felt painful if I got too cold, for anyone who doesn't suffer as badly as me with Anaemia imagine the pins,

and needles you get when playing in the snow for hours, that's me when my temperature drops too low. I finally caved and lowered it to 25c throwing on an extra layer and offered him ice water and to give him a desktop fan to try and help him cool down while also staying warm myself but he was clearly uncomfortable and ended up going home at around 1am as he couldn't take it anymore.

I was upset by this but didn't try to stop him as if he was that uncomfortable there was no point in him suffering. On Monday he texted me telling me I seriously needed to go to the Doctor if I was that cold all the time and I tried to explain I have been to the doctors about this,

and there isn't much we can do as we don't know what causes my Anaemia no matter what tests we run. He has told me that he can't stay overnight if it's going to be that warm and compared my home to a lizards terrarium which I admit hurt a little though I know he likely meant it as a joke.

Maybe I should have just sucked it up and been cold? I'm cold when outside/in the office/in other peoples homes so why not? I just like my home being a place I can warm up a little though.. Maybe I was a rude host? I should have put his needs first.. Edit: Typo

Sarah’s story highlights the tricky dance of balancing health needs with relationship dynamics. For someone with chronic anemia, feeling cold isn’t just discomfort—it’s a painful reality. Meanwhile, her boyfriend’s struggle to sleep in a sweltering 28°C is equally valid, as most people would find it stifling. The clash isn’t about who’s right but about mismatched needs.

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This situation reflects a broader issue: navigating health-related accommodations in relationships. According to a 2021 study in The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships (journals.sagepub.com), couples often struggle when one partner’s medical needs disrupt shared routines, with 68% reporting tension over lifestyle adjustments. Clear communication is key to finding balance.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Empathy doesn’t mean agreement, but it does mean understanding your partner’s experience” (gottman.com). Sarah’s boyfriend may not grasp the severity of her cold sensitivity, while Sarah might not fully see how unbearable 28°C feels to him. His “lizard terrarium” jab, though likely a jest, hints at frustration that could’ve been better expressed.

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Solutions lie in creative compromises. Sarah could explore portable heating options, like a heated blanket, to stay warm without roasting her boyfriend. He could use cooling aids, like a fan or cooling pad, to endure short visits. Long-term, separate bedrooms with tailored climates, as one Redditor suggested, could work if they move in together. Open dialogue about needs, not demands, can keep their bond from overheating.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s hot takes are as spicy as Sarah’s apartment! The community weighed in with empathy and humor, offering perspectives that range from practical to playful. Here’s what they said:

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Publius246 − NAH, but you two are not temperature compatible.

fitney123 − I’m leaning towards NAH. 28C is very very hot especially for an indoors temperature so I understand why your boyfriend wouldn’t be able to sleep in that, I know I wouldn’t. However, you have medical conditions that make it necessary, so neither of you are in the wrong.. His comments might have been a bit unnecessary, but they did like you said, seem like a joke.

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rinky79 − NAH. You gotta do what you gotta do, but 28c/82.4F is too f**king hot for normal people. I would not want to spend a single minute in your apartment.

ImpossibleHand5086 − NAH: you have to have the heat that high ot you'll be in pain so no you don't have to adjust the temperature for anyone. But personally i wouldn't be able to sleep or be comfortable in that environment either. So it's understandable your bf left that night.

And while his 'joke' was insensitive I understand why he mentioned the doctors because if he didn't know you been to several he's thinking long term because if nothing changes it sounds like living together may be out of the question

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Missicat − NAH. Sorry you have to go through this, it does sound awful. You do need to keep warm, so turning the heat down is just not something that is going to happen.. However, I know I couldn't sleep if it's too warm either. I usually set my thermostat to 'polar bear'.

stubborn_panda26 − NAH, but 28C is _really_ warm. I have some family members with circulation issues who are also cold all the time, and keep the temperature near 27C. Some summer days I can't stand to be in their place for more than 20 minutes.

I keep my place between 20 and 22C. I sympathize with both of you. I hate being cold, but when it's too warm inside i can start feeling physically ill. My only comment would that be I find it easier to warm up if I'm cold by adding sweaters and blankets; it can be hard to cool down when you're overheated.

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However, my 'too cold' is just a chilly winter day so I definitely believe that it can be painful for you and warming up isn't that simple. I'm not sure what to suggest but it might be hard to find a comfortable compromise for both of you.

QuackLikeMe − NAH He left because he wasn’t comfortable and couldn’t get comfortable. I’ve been there - I have a friend that keeps their house at 76F (24c) and that is waaaay too hot for me. I can’t sleep when it’s that hot. I keep my house at 66f (19c) at night. He wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings by leaving, just like you weren’t trying to make him uncomfortable by keeping your house so warm.

Nightfish_ − NAH You're not a rude host if your house is comfortable to you. Everyone is allowed to make their space comfortable for them. On the other hand, 28°C is really, really hot, so I can see where your BF was coming from.

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I don't know if the terrarium comment is necessarily an insult, that's just pretty much the first thing that popped into my mind as well, as someone who's kept tropical pets. 'Oh, my Geckos would love that' It's just a very unusual temperature to intentionally have in one's home.. I don't really know what the solution is here.

indiehussle_chupac − had to look it up - 82f? I was with you, I really was. I also have anemia and keep my temperature around 73 during the day and 70 at night. however, my aunties and grandma keep it like yours. INFO: do you take iron and copper regular + eat an iron rich diet? doing those small things did wonders.

[Reddit User] − Nobody is bad here. For most people 28 celcius is just too much for sleep. But you need it. How about living together but have seperate bedrooms. He can have a small airco in his bedroom and you sleep in a comfortable room for you.

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These Reddit gems show both sides—Sarah’s need for warmth and her boyfriend’s struggle to stay cool. But do these opinions hold up in real-world relationships, or are they just armchair advice?

Sarah’s thermostat saga shows how health challenges can turn a cozy night into a heated standoff. Both she and her boyfriend have valid needs, but finding a middle ground might require more than fans or extra blankets—it demands empathy and creativity. What would you do if your health needs clashed with your partner’s comfort? Share your thoughts and experiences below—have you ever had to navigate a similar compromise?

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