AITA for keeping my extra income a secret from my roommate/brother?

A veteran’s quiet decision to keep his increased disability compensation under wraps has sparked a dilemma rooted in family expectations. Sharing an apartment with his younger brother, he fears that revealing his boosted income—nearly four times his brother’s—will lead to demands to cover more rent, driven by their family’s traditional view that older siblings must always support younger ones.

This isn’t just about money; it’s a clash of privacy and duty. The narrative pulls us into a shared apartment where personal sacrifices meet familial pressures, raising questions about fairness and financial boundaries.

‘AITA for keeping my extra income a secret from my roommate/brother?’

A veteran’s choice to conceal his increased disability compensation from his brother reflects a valid need to protect his financial autonomy against family pressures. His current 60/40 rent split, justified by securing the master bedroom and garage, is fair, especially since his brother agreed to it 1.5 years ago.

The disability payments, meant to cover medical needs and lost work time, aren’t a family resource, yet his family’s traditional expectation that he, as the older sibling, should shoulder more burdens threatens his boundaries. Keeping the increase private prevents entitled demands, especially since his brother earns a decent income.

Financial privacy is critical: a 2022 Journal of Family and Economic Issues study found 35% of adults face family pressure to share income, often leading to resentment. Financial therapist Dr. Megan McCoy advises, “Maintaining financial boundaries, even with close family, preserves personal well-being and prevents dependency”.

He should save the extra funds for his health and future, like retirement or a home, and firmly maintain the current rent split. If family presses, he can redirect conversations to shared responsibilities, not guilt. He’s not wrong—his disability income is his to manage.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit overwhelmingly supported the veteran, declaring him NTA for keeping his disability income increase private, emphasizing that his brother, a grown adult, shouldn’t rely on him for a free ride. They praised the fairness of the current 60/40 rent split, noting his extra perks (master bedroom, garage) justify it, and urged him to save the additional funds for his health or investments, like a house.

Many criticized the family’s expectation that he “take care” of his brother as outdated, arguing his disability compensation is personal, not communal. The consensus advised maintaining financial privacy and rejecting any guilt-driven demands to cover more rent.

This wasn’t just about a paycheck—it was about a veteran safeguarding his hard-earned stability against family expectations. His decision to keep his disability income private protects his autonomy while maintaining a fair living arrangement with his brother.

As he navigates these pressures, it’s a reminder that personal boundaries trump outdated traditions. How do you handle family expectations around money? Share your story—what’s your key to keeping finances fair?