AITA for Keeping My Boss’s Identity Secret from My Judgmental Mother?

In a bustling car ride through the city, the hum of a Bluetooth connection betrayed a closely guarded secret. A Redditor, proud of their new job in the House working for a moderate figure, had kept the details from their conservative mother to preserve peace. But when their boss’s name flashed on the car’s screen, the truth spilled out, igniting a firestorm. The mother’s fury—calling them a liar and demanding they quit—turned a visit into a painful standoff, with her checking into a hotel and vowing silence until they comply.

This clash of values and expectations pulls at the heartstrings, exposing the raw tension between personal convictions and family loyalty. As the Redditor grapples with their mother’s ultimatum, readers are left wondering: how do you balance honesty with the need to protect your own path? This story dives into the messy, emotional terrain of growing up and standing firm.

‘AITA for Keeping My Boss’s Identity Secret from My Judgmental Mother?’

This might be vague due to privacy reasons, so apologies! A few months ago, I got a job in the House! The person I work for is moderate, but my mom is very conservative. So, from the beginning, I made the decision not to provide details about who I work for.

When she asked for specifics about my boss, I told her that it’s private information! She would accept that and always say some version of, “As long as they make me proud!” My mom is in town for a visit right now.

We were in my car earlier today, and like an absolute i**ot, I accidentally left my work phone connected to my Bluetooth when my boss called me, and their contact info popped up on the screen. She recognized the last name and absolutely lost it on me.

She called me a liar: which technically is true since it was a lie of omission - told me that I should consider quitting because I’m not representing the values she raised me with, that now she feels like she can’t be proud of me, etc.

The biggest hit came when she said that clearly working for this person has changed me because I’ve never lied to her before. Anyway, she has checked herself into a hotel, and is making the long drive home tomorrow because she doesn’t want to spend anymore time with me. Her parting words were, “Don’t call me until you quit your job.”

I’m too close to this situation to be unbiased. I support my boss, and our ideologies align, which is why I took this job. I understand why she’s upset about me lying, but also I’m an adult and feel like I shouldn’t have to tell her everything about my job? Ugh I don’t know. AITA?

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Family rifts over differing beliefs can sting like a fresh wound, and this Redditor’s clash with their mother is no exception. By hiding their job to avoid conflict, they made a calculated choice, only for an accidental reveal to spark accusations of betrayal. The mother’s demand to quit feels like a power play, rooted in her conservative values clashing with her child’s moderate stance. Meanwhile, the Redditor, now an adult, asserts their right to privacy and career choice.

This scenario mirrors a broader issue: generational divides over political and personal values. A 2021 Pew Research study found that 59% of Americans say political differences strain family ties, often leading to estrangement. The mother’s ultimatum reflects a struggle to accept her child’s autonomy, while the Redditor’s omission was a shield against judgment.

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Dr. John Gottman, a renowned family therapist, notes, “Healthy families allow for individuation—letting each member grow into their own beliefs while maintaining connection”. Here, the mother’s reaction stifles this growth, using emotional withdrawal as leverage. The Redditor, however, isn’t obligated to share every detail of their life, especially when it risks conflict.

For resolution, open communication could help. The Redditor might express their commitment to their job while acknowledging their mother’s hurt, perhaps suggesting a boundary: personal beliefs stay separate from family love.

Check out how the community responded:

The Reddit crew came out swinging with wit and wisdom, serving up a mix of support and sharp takes on family dynamics. From calling out the mother’s manipulation to cheering the Redditor’s independence, the comments don’t hold back. Check out the highlights:

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bigbuttfucker - NTA, but she certainly is. Anyway, she has checked herself into a hotel, and is making the long drive home tomorrow because she doesn’t want to spend anymore time with me. Her parting words were, “Don’t call me until you quit your job.”.

She loves you unconditionally with conditions. She'd rather not spend time with you than have you think for yourself. I'd text her, 'It's a shame you're not representing the values you raised me with. It's no wonder I work for XX.'

monday-night-fuckbal - NTA. being asked to quit your job because you work for someone progressive is a huge over reaction. You omitted details to preserve your relationship with your mother, and her behavior has justified your decision.

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friendlily - I’m not representing the values she raised me with, that now she feels like she can’t be proud of me, etc. she doesn’t want to spend anymore time with me. Her parting words were, “Don’t call me until you quit your job.” This is emotional manipulation. She didn't raise you to be your own person and live your own life.

She wants you to be a carbon copy of her, and if you're not, she's not proud of you and won't talk to you. Let that sink in. Cause that's some terrible parenting. Also, yeah, technically it's a lie by omission, but the thing about being an adult is that you don't owe anyone information about your life.

You correctly assessed that she would not act right if she found out who you work for, so to mitigate conflict, you didn't tell her. She has no right to scold you for that. NTA and please call her bluff. Do not contact her and do not apologize. She has some work to do.

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sociablemonkey74 - NTA. You are adult. You are free to make you own choices. You are free to support political and religious leaders that align with your views. Clearly your views have changed as you got older.. I’m sorry she is making the choice she is. Losing family over politics is sad.

[Reddit User] - NTA.. Don’t call her until you leave that job. Once you leave that job, keep on not calling her.. What’s next, you have to quit a job with Google because she uses Bing?

[Reddit User] - NTA. Let her stay mad. You probably should have just had it out with her when you took the job, but it’s too late now. You’re a grown person, who made a choice in career based on what you believe in, not what your mom wants you to believe in.

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readsomething1968 - She can’t be the mother you want her to be, and you can’t be the (compliant, obedient, docile) offspring she wants you to be.. How old are you? 19? 20? 35? This is her moment of reckoning. She thinks she’s punishing you.

But what is really happening is that she is FREAKED OUT (and very confused) by the fact that you have a mind of her own. You are NTA. AT ALL. DO NOT, for one second, let yourself think that you are! For what? For living your life according to your values??

(That is, by the way, the exact same thing she did — she lived HER life according to her values.) She will get over it. Or she won’t. That’s up to her. Whatever you do, don’t let her temper tantrum hold you hostage. Live your life. If she chooses not to be part of it, that’s up to her.

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princessofperky - NTA I'm sorry she had this reaction but it seems like you were justified in keeping it a secret.

[Reddit User] - NTA. Aren’t they the ones who are always saying that only “snowflakes” “cancel” people for their “different opinion”? Now you mom is cutting you off for your difference of “opinion”.

SnowFallenMemories - NTA. You're allowed to have different opinions from your parents. You're also allowed to keep your job and any information regarding that job secret from your parents, especially if you know it will cause arguments.

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These Reddit opinions are spicy, but do they nail the heart of the issue? Is the mother’s reaction just hurt, or is it a deeper control tactic?

This story of a job hidden and a family fractured leaves us reflecting on the tightrope of honesty and independence. The Redditor’s choice to shield their career from their mother’s judgment collided with her demand for control, turning a visit into a showdown. As they navigate this fallout, the question lingers: where’s the line between respecting family and living your truth? Have you ever faced a family ultimatum over your beliefs or choices? Share your stories below—what would you do in this Redditor’s shoes?

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