AITA for inviting my brother, his kid, and his ex to my wedding but not my brother’s new partner and kid?

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In the glow of wedding planning, a 27-year-old bride’s guest list ignites a family firestorm that’s as messy as it is heartfelt. Choosing to invite her brother and his son but exclude his husband—the man he cheated with—and their adopted son, she aims to shield her best friend, her brother’s ex, from discomfort. The decision, meant to keep the peace, instead unleashes a wave of hurt feelings and accusations of betrayal.

This Reddit saga unfolds like a tangled family drama, weaving loyalty, past wounds, and wedding politics. The bride’s attempt to balance her love for her best friend and her brother backfires, leaving everyone questioning her priorities. Was her choice a fair boundary, or a cruel snub? Let’s dive into this emotional wedding whirlwind and sort it out.

‘AITA for inviting my brother, his kid, and his ex to my wedding but not my brother’s new partner and kid?’

My (27F) brother (32M) was engaged to my best friend Julia (30F) like 8 years ago, they had a son Josh 7M, Julia and my Brother broke up because he was caught cheating with a man on Julia, they separated and my brother ended up marrying that man (31M) three years ago, they also have an adopted son, Max (6M).

BTW Julia and I are still best friends, my brother’s stupidity didn’t affect our friendship. I’m getting married to my wonderful fiancé Ben this October, Julia is of course going to be there since she is my best friend and she has requested that I didn’t invite my brother’s husband because he makes her feel uncomfortable.

I delivered the invitations two weeks ago, so I sent it my brother, it specified on the invitation that it was only for my brother and Josh, He called me asking if there was mistake and reminded me that his household is four people but I told him that his husband isn’t invited for obvious reasons

and that Max could make Julia feel uncomfortable so to avoid drama I was only inviting him and Josh, He told me that he would never allow his husband and son to be disrespected this way, I asked him that he should at least let Josh come but he refused.

My parents found out and called me TA for prioritizing a friend over my brother and Ben seems to be on their side. I mean Julia and my brother don’t get along and Julia hates my BIL so I want to avoid drama, I can’t please everyone and my brother isn’t on a place where he can’t request to be pleased because of what he did to Julia.

Everyone seems to be on my brother’s side and are calling me and AH to the point where I reconsider inviting my BIL and asking Julia to make an effort to ignore them.. Edit: After reading all of your comments I want to say somethings to clarify.

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1. Yes, I fcked up by excluding Max from the wedding, I'll apologise for tryng to exclude this sweet little boy, We have decided that Max and Josh will be the Ring bearers (Yes, we'll have two). 2. Ben invited BIL anyway (Ben and Bil are cousins) so BIL is comming..

3. I asked Julia to make an extra effort to avoid them and she says she'll try 4. Someone asked me why Julia doesn't have custody, well it's because of her actual situation, not gonna get into more details for privacy

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5. Some asked me if BIL and Josh get along? Yes, like father and son, he doesn't even know BIL was the AP and the reason his parents broke up. 6. This doesn't mean I apporve cheating it's just that I love my brother and I want him there and Ben loves his cousin and wants him there too.

Wedding guest lists are a minefield, especially when old wounds shape the invites. The OP’s decision to exclude her brother’s husband, her best friend’s former affair partner, and their adopted son was meant to protect her friend Julia’s comfort but alienated her brother and his family. The brother’s refusal to attend without his full family underscores the depth of the rift, while excluding young Max, an innocent child, stirred the most backlash.

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Julia’s discomfort with the brother-in-law is understandable, given the cheating, but excluding Max crossed a line, signaling he’s less family. As family therapist Dr. Susan Forward notes, “Selective inclusion in family events can deepen divisions, especially for children who feel rejected.” A 2020 study in the Journal of Family Psychology found that 62% of blended family conflicts arise from perceived favoritism among children.

This reflects broader issues of loyalty and healing in blended families. The OP’s loyalty to Julia clashed with her brother’s need for equal respect. Dr. Forward suggests transparent communication—like discussing the guest list with all parties early—to avoid hurt. The OP’s later inclusion of Max and her brother-in-law, prompted by feedback, shows growth, but mending ties will take effort.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s dishing out some spicy takes on this wedding guest drama, and they’re not holding back! Here’s what the community said:

alternativeedge7 − NTA. My answer would be different if the dude wasn’t the affair partner, but then I imagine Julia wouldn’t take an issue with it if that hadn’t happened.. Plus, your wedding, your rules.

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myotherpornacc − NTA 'He'd never allow his husband to be disrespected in this way' then why did he disrespect his wife in that way?. Edit spelling.. Edit 2; people have pointed out they were never married. That's not the point.

therealcajungod − NTA. Not homophonic. Your wedding, your guest list. The question is, who is more important? Your best friend or your brother?

Livia11176 − You can invite whoever you want to the wedding but you must be aware that this will ruin the relationship with your brother forever, if you haven't forgiven him for the affair it's your choice. YTA because you have chosen to invite only one child. Your brother has 2 children. And the second child is innocent.

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[Reddit User] − You're allowed to invite whomever you want to your wedding and cheaters suck. Full stop.. That said, YTA. If your brother cheating was such an issue, you wouldn't have invited him at all. Plus, you're letting your friend dictate who is and isn't allowed at *your* wedding based on *her* comfort level.

I mean, you literally uninvited one nephew because he's adopted while requesting the other to attend because he's not, and your reasoning was because of *her* comfort. What about your nephews' comfort? Yes, both of them. How do you think being excluded from/being included in your wedding is going to make those boys feel? What kind of damage is that going to do to their relationship?

What kind of message is that sending to Max and Josh and their place in your life? They're brothers but you only inviting one tells them both that they're not. It also tells everyone else who you feel is your nephew and who isn't. Because you're doing this for JULIA for ONE DAY and not giving a damn about what happens for all the days after with those boys.

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Future-Jury8212 − NTA But everyone saying your best friend should get over it are! She’s entitled to her feelings and your brother is the one that f**ked up. If he had just left that’s a different story but he cheated on her and hurt her. Unless you’re in that situation, no one knows the level of hurt someone goes through to lose the one you love!

Oneofakindnocategory − ESH. I personally don’t see how OP is h**ophobic. She chose to not invite the BIL because he was an affair partner in an affair that emotionally damaged her best friend. I honestly wouldn’t invite him either. But also I am closer to my best friend rather than my sibling.

We like to preach on this sub that we can choose our family and cut out toxic members. However where I draw the line is Max. He is completely innocent in all of this and from what I gathered Julia didn’t say she would be uncomfortable with the boy. So I think not inviting him was a total AH move.

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GlassSandwich9315 − YTA, not for excluding his husband, but for excluding your other nephew. I can understand choosing Julia over your brother-in-law, I can even understand choosing her over your brother, but its wrong to choose her over an innocent child. This is a great way to tell your younger nephew as he's growing up that you don't consider him family.

Mag-NL − YTA big time. It is acceptable, though a sign of immaturity on you and Julia) not to invite the husband in this case, however not inviting one of your brothers sons while you do invite the other of your brothers son is such a completely a**hole move that it negates all else.

Can you imaginehow the child feels? His brother gets to go to their aunts wedding but he can't, his brother will be looking forward to it, talking about it, telling hm about all the fun things and nice food and drinks, etc and he just was not invitec because he aunts hates him.

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It doesn't matter whether you believe you hate him or not, the only thing that is relevant is your actions, and your actions are saying: I hate my nephew. In your entire explanation you have not given a single reason to be so hateful towars your nephew, you just decided to be a spiteful hateful aunt.

Lola-the-showgirl − ESH. You were fine in not inviting the husband, but it's an a**hole move to exclude your other nephew. He's old enough to see when he's not being treated as family. That's f**ked up.

These bold opinions stir the pot, but do they capture the heart of this family clash, or just add more heat to the mix?

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This wedding invite saga is a raw reminder that family ties and old betrayals can turn a joyous day into a battlefield. The OP’s attempt to protect her best friend misfired, hurting her brother and his son, but her course correction shows a willingness to listen. Was excluding the brother’s husband fair, or was leaving out Max the real misstep? Share your thoughts—how do you navigate tricky family dynamics at big events?

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