AITA for introducing my boyfriend’s parents as “Grandma and Grandpa” to my son?

The Thanksgiving table is set, warm with the glow of family and the promise of connection. A single mom, smitten with her boyfriend of a year and a half, brings her 4-year-old son to his home, hoping to blend their worlds. In a spontaneous moment, she introduces her boyfriend’s parents as “Grandma and Grandpa,” envisioning a future family. But the room chills, silence falls, and awkwardness lingers through dinner.

Her boyfriend’s fury later erupts, accusing her of overstepping, while his parents question her motives. As her sister’s doubts echo the misstep, she grapples with guilt, fearing she’s confused her son. This tale of love, assumptions, and family ties pulls readers into a heartfelt blunder, where a hopeful gesture sparks a holiday clash.

‘AITA for introducing my boyfriend’s parents as “Grandma and Grandpa” to my son?’

This last Thursday I (29 F) went over to my boyfriend 'Jay's' (25 M) house for thanksgiving and brought my son (4) with me. I and Jay have been together for a year and a half now, and he is the most amazing man in the world. He's been amazing with my son (his bio father is not in his life) and I can genuinely see him as 'the one'.

Jay's parents came over as well. It's not that I don't get along with them, it's just I have only ever seen them 3 times before this thanksgiving. I have not had any time to really bond with them I guess. They had never met my son in person either, but they both knew about him.

By the time I arrived Jay's parents were already there and helping him finish up dinner. We greeted each other and Jay's dad asked 'And who's this little guy.' I introduced them to my son and then introduced Jay's parents as 'Grandma and Grandpa' to my precious boy.

I didn't notice at the time, but all three of them became quiet almost immediately. I ended up waiting in the living room alone for almost half an hour before dinner and things just were incredibly awkward for the rest of the night.

My son did end up calling his parents by grandpa and grandma and I quickly noticed both of them would be very disingenuous and awkward about it over dinner but they did not say anything to me about it. They didn't stick around for long after either but when they left both were very cold to me.

I asked Jay what was their deal and he lost it at me. He claims I put him in an incredibly awkward position. His parents apparently didn't think we were 'That serious' yet and began to question him if I was only using him as a 'replacement daddy.' He said that it was way out of line to introduce them that way without even talking to him beforehand. I think it's ridiculous

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If one day he's going to be my son's stepdad then why go through this formal nonsense? He claimed that's 'Not the point' and we ended up fighting till I stormed out. We have not talked since and I have simply been waiting for an apology

I talked with my sister about it last night and she said she was mortified to hear this. Saying she also didn't geat the read that we were all that serious and she never felt like Jay intended to take on a 'Dad' role. This has got me questioning if I was wrong..

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edit:. Ok, I messed up. I genuinely thought Jay would be ok with this. Jay has always treated my son so well, I guess I misread treating him kindly as being ok with being his father figure. I'm pretty sure I ruined this for myself,

but most importantly I hurt my son through all this.. Edit 2: I called Jay and apologized. We're going to be taking a break. I'm going to look into making sure I didn't scar my kid with this.

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Merging families requires delicate steps, and this misjudged introduction highlights the risks of assumptions. Dr. Susan Newman, a family dynamics expert, notes in The Book of No (Psychology Today), “Unspoken expectations in relationships can lead to hurt when not aligned.” The woman’s choice to use “Grandma and Grandpa” assumed a shared vision of family that neither her boyfriend nor his parents had embraced.

Her boyfriend’s reaction reflects a boundary violation—only 25% of stepparents assume a parental role within two years (Journal of Family Psychology, 2024, Stepfamily Dynamics). His parents’ discomfort and suspicions about her motives suggest a lack of prior bonding, making the titles feel premature and presumptuous.

Newman advises open communication to mend such rifts. The woman’s apology and decision to take a break are steps toward accountability, but she could further protect her son by discussing the incident age-appropriately, reassuring him of stability. Therapy, as she’s considering, could help navigate her son’s feelings.

For readers, discussing major family steps with partners first prevents such blunders. If mistakes happen, swift apologies and child-focused care can rebuild trust, ensuring relationships grow on solid ground.

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Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

The Reddit squad unloaded with candor, serving up tough love and cringe-worthy reactions. From slamming the woman’s overreach to urging apologies, the comments were a wake-up call. Here’s the raw scoop:

TheAshenDemon4 − YTA. You basically made the decision that Jay and his family are now your son’s family all on your own, with no discussion beforehand, and THAT is why everyone is upset. While I’m sure no one is AGAINST the idea outright, the “formal nonsense” is a very necessary step when it comes to merging families.

And to be honest, you probably need to have a serious discussion with Jay about where this is heading sooner rather than later if both his parents and your sister did not think you two were that serious.

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What if he does not actually see himself as a father to your child, or does not see the relationship that seriously either? THIS is why we need the “formal nonsense”, and talking it through with everyone involved.

rncikwb − #YIKES

Kris82868 − YTA. That's a major leap to introduce them with those terms when they don't fulfill that role. And the fact that he may one day be stepdad doesn't mean he's Dad unless you had a serious discussion about if he will take on that role.

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greenseraphima − Are you really shocked that the parents of a 25 year old aren't ready to be called 'grandma and grandpa' yet? YTA. You massively overstepped. It was not your place to introduce them at all, and especially not without asking if they were okay with that title.

TheLovelyMadamToh − Wow wow WOW YTA. How EXTREMELY awkward. Also, did you think for half a second how devastated your son will be WHEN you guys break up and 'grandma and grandpa' are no longer in his life...how utterly confusing for him..

You didn't think about anyone but yourself and your childish fantasy. YTA big-time. You created an unnecessary core memory for your poor son. He'll likely never forget the moment he was introduced to people you called his 'grandparents',

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and will develop feelings of r**ection and abandonment all because of YOUR selfishness. And even though I'm a woman, if I were your boyfriend I WOULD break up with you over this. There was a line and you just trah-la-la skipped over that line.

Sallymander404 − Let me get this straight.. 1) you’ve been dating Jay for a year and a half.. 2) you’ve only met Jay’s parents three times and this is the first time they’ve met your son. 3) you introduced people your son has never met as his grandparents. 4) YOU are waiting on an apology because YOU blindsided everyone with this proclamation.. Yeah YTA and I’m really not sure why you think everyone else is..

SoSleepySue − YTA. It's quite a big assumption for you to have your kid refer to anyone by grandma/grandpa. You should've run it by your boyfriend beforehand.

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petuniaplant − YTA - You always, ALWAYS discuss those things with everybody involved.. And, by the way, you should not be waiting for an apology. YOU should be apologizing to him.

angiedrumm − This post put me into a full-body cringe. YTA and you owe everyone, including your son, an apology.

whatsmypassword73 − YTA, that as a massive over reach, just shocking. You need to apologize, I am sorry, it may have been unintentional but that was so wrong.

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Redditors called the move a major misstep, worrying for the son’s emotional fallout while critiquing the lack of discussion. But do these sharp takes capture the full story, or overlook her intentions?

This holiday hiccup shows how a well-meaning gesture can unravel when assumptions outpace communication. The woman’s hopeful introduction clashed with unready hearts, leaving her to mend bonds with her son and boyfriend. Her story challenges us to tread carefully when weaving new family ties. What would you do if your vision for family outpaced your partner’s? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s carve into this one!

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