AITA for insisting my son cook dinner once a week?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a bustling kitchen filled with the aroma of fresh-baked cookies, a mother watches her teenage son grumble as he slices tomatoes for a family dinner. For her, it’s a lesson in life skills; for him, it’s a weekly chore he’d rather dodge. This simple routine, meant to teach independence, has sparked a family feud, with his grandmother crying foul and calling it a punishment. The mother stands firm, believing a skillet in hand today means self-reliance tomorrow.

This Reddit story stirs up a hearty debate about parenting and the value of teaching kids to fend for themselves. As the mother navigates her son’s resistance and her own mother’s disapproval, she questions her approach. It’s a relatable tale that invites readers to weigh in on the recipe for raising capable adults.

‘AITA for insisting my son cook dinner once a week?’

I (43F) have 2 sons, Adam (17) and James (15). Adam showed an interest in cooking from a young age and is very talented. He makes dinner for the family 2-3x a week because he enjoys it and it gives him an opportunity to try new recipes. I generally cook the rest of the time, unless it’s summer and my husband insists on grilling every day.

James was not particularly interested in learning to cook. I did try to teach him the kitchen basics and he can make himself a sandwich and simple things but he’d rather grab an apple than make himself a meal.

A few months back, James began asking Adam in the afternoons to make him a snack (something homemade) and sometimes he’ll do it if he’s in the mood but more often than not, he’s bothered by the daily requests.

I asked James why he can’t make a sandwich or have a snack (we always have things like hummus, yogurt, pita, sliced veggies, salsa and chips, I make baked goods often… a good array of decent snacks). He could make a smoothie, there’s always frozen fruit. But he said Adam is just better at it and he doesn’t know how to make it as good.

I felt this was a sign I had dropped the ball so I decided that James would take over making the family dinner once a week. It didn’t have to be fancy but it had to be at least somewhat balanced and filling (for example - yesterday, he made grilled cheese sandwiches, a salad and tomato soup, with a side of cut strawberries.

A very simple but good meal. Packaged soups and things are fine as long as that’s not all). I help him with the meal planning and then I would work at the dining room table nearby in case he needed help. He hasn’t enjoyed this but I’ve still kept on it because it’s a really important life skill. Feeding yourself isn’t optional.

He’s been complaining to my mother (his grandma) and she’s been calling me to tell me I’ve let a “punishment” go on too long. But it’s not meant to be that, it’s life skill training and I was very clear with James that this was a permanent change, not a temporary punishment.

But she made me feel like an absolutely terrible mother forcing “unpleasant chores“ on my children. I tried to point out that my own brother is a grown man that lives on takeout because she never taught him to cook and I didn’t want that to be James one day.

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She hung up on me. My husband is in full support of our new routine but still, nothing takes you down a peg like being yelled at by your mother so I’m looking for some other opinions. Is it really that bad?

This story simmers with the tension of parenting with purpose. OP’s decision to have James cook weekly isn’t about punishment—it’s about equipping him for adulthood, a goal many parents share but don’t always enforce.

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James’s reluctance to cook, coupled with his reliance on his brother Adam’s skills, highlights a common teen trait: favoring convenience over effort. OP’s response corrects this while teaching accountability. Cooking is a critical skill—68% of young adults who can’t cook rely on takeout, per a 2022 USDA report, often leading to higher costs and poorer health.

Parenting expert Dr. Laura Markham advises, “Chores build resilience and competence, even if kids resist”. Here, OP’s structured approach—planning meals with James and staying nearby—shows support, not control. Her mother’s objection may reflect outdated gender norms, as seen in her son’s reliance on takeout, which OP aims to prevent.

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The broader issue is preparing kids for independence. A 2023 Pew study found 59% of parents struggle to teach practical skills. OP could sweeten the deal by letting James pick recipes he enjoys, like pizza, to boost engagement. Her method is sound, and readers will likely nod in approval of her practical parenting.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

The Reddit crowd dished out a feast of opinions, seasoned with humor and hearty support. Here’s the sizzling scoop from the community, brimming with cheers and a pinch of sass:

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[Reddit User] − NTA. This is an important life skill not enough people have and knowing how to do these things will allow him to put together cheap, healthy meals when he's living on his own instead of wasting his little money on DoorDash.

If he wants to see it as a 'chore,' that's fine. Teaching kids how to pick up after themselves, do yard work, sew their own clothes (as in mend them... holes, repair zippers, etc - though hell, the full enchilada isn't a bad idea, either!), and half a billion other 'chores' are ALL valuable things to know how to do in life.

Unless he's planning on living with you or ~~James~~ Adam for the rest of his life, these are things he SHOULD know how to do and you're reinforcing that.. I think what you're doing is great! **Edit:** If there is ever a day I don't mix up the names in one of these posts, I'll buy a lottery ticket.

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**Edit #2:** Thanks for the awards, y'all. The conversation has been great in the comments, lotta thoughtful discussion. And man, the 'Y T A' people sure have a lot of... *interesting*... input. Sidenote, I *just* noticed OP's throwaway username and it gave me a chuckle.

[Reddit User] − NTA. You're helping James develop an important life skill and teaching him that weaponized incompetence is not acceptable. When he grows up and has a partner, they'll be very glad that you taught him this lesson.

dardarthdgreat − NTA, what would he do if he moved out for university.

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DoingMyLilBest − NTA. I didn't like being 'forced' to learn how to cook a meal as a kid, but it's the one thing my parent did for me that genuinely helped me. Chores aren't always supposed to be fun, but they ARE important for one's everyday life.

Would your mom think you're being cruel or punishing him if you enforced a curfew or made sure he got enough sleep on school nights? This is no different. It's one single day a week and you aren't even expecting a lot from him, just that he shows he can fend for himself in the kitchen.

I also think that making a habit of it now is a good thing. When college/time to move out happens, he's going to snap into junk food for a while, but after that fad ends, he'll want those filling meals that don't make you feel gross for eating afterwards and he won't have to teach himself and build the habits from scratch.. May I also recommend:

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• having him try making a meal plan for one week (just to show him how, not to add to his chores• making a grocery list of what is needed for the household (food and other needs) at least once. This includes checking what you already have and only listing what you need.

• shopping with you for the ingredients ON A BUDGET. Maybe don't make him do it all the time, but at least once is good. People don't realize how much work all of that actually is until they have to do it for the first time.

karenrn64 − NTA- she yelled at you as a defense mechanism because SHE dropped the ball by not teaching your brother to cook. I taught my kids as teens to do laundry and when he got to college, my son thanked me because he was the only one in his dorm who knew how to do it.

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Mangosaregreat101 − NTA. Knowing how to cook is pretty useful when you're an adult.

beanfiddler − NTA, but I would elect to allow James to select chores he's more interested in and enjoys after he has demonstrated sufficient knowledge of cooking and meal planning that could get him by when he's an adult. I think it's a good punishment, that both corrects his abuse of Adam's time and teaches him important life skills

but once the punishment phase is up and he knows what he's doing, it would be more fair to allow him to select a chore he likes. It seems like Adam enjoys cooking 2-3x a week, so James should be allowed to select a chore that takes more

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or less the same amount of time and mental energy, like taking care of the lawn or doing laundry, including mending clothes (something like trash is not sufficient, it doesn't take as long). Also, ignore your mother.

She sounds like an old-school misogynist who thinks it's inappropriate to raise boys to be anything but utterly incompetent in every single domestic task, and pretty much every other incidental of being an adult.

HeddyL2627 − NTA. You’re teaching him an invaluable life skill. Does he prefer savory snacks? Or sweets? Or breakfast? Now that he has some experience, I’d branch out into something he prefers, like making pancakes or eggs on Sunday morning. Or teach him to make pizza or brownies.

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Impressive_Camp_7420 − NTA it sounds like your mother feels like it’s okay to raise incompetent children. I don’t know if it’s only with her son or if she didn’t teach you how to cook either, but you’re setting up your kids for success by making them learn to cook.

Inner-Show-1172 − NTA! I think all children should know the basics of cooking; there's nothing sadder than seeing grown people who can't even fry an egg.

Redditors backed OP’s mission to teach James to cook, calling it a vital skill and praising her for nipping weaponized incompetence in the bud. Some suggested tweaking the chore to suit James’s interests, while others rolled their eyes at grandma’s old-school views. But do these hot takes serve the whole story, or are they just stirring the pot?

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This tale is a reminder that parenting often means tough love with a side of patience. OP’s push for James to cook isn’t just about dinner—it’s about crafting a self-sufficient adult. By standing her ground, she’s setting him up for success, even if he groans now. What life skills did you wish you’d learned as a teen, and how would you convince a reluctant kid to embrace them? Share your thoughts below!

 

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