AITA for insisting my newly vegetarian wife still cook meat for me?

Picture a steaming plate of vegetarian curry on the dinner table, a culinary masterpiece by a stay-at-home wife, but her meat-loving husband’s fork hovers in protest. For this 28-year-old couple, a year-long deal—she quits her job, he works overtime, and she handles chores and cooking—hits a snag when she turns vegetarian and refuses to prepare his beloved meat. His pushback, threatening to end their arrangement, has her crying “financial abuse.” Is he a bully, or just craving his chicken?

This Reddit saga serves up a sizzling clash of diets, duties, and deals. With the wife’s vegetarian pivot upending their agreement, and the husband flexing his overtime card, their marriage is at a crossroads. Reddit’s got a buffet of opinions, so let’s dig into this domestic dish with a sprinkle of spice and humor.

‘AITA for insisting my newly vegetarian wife still cook meat for me?’

Wife \[28F\] and I \[28M\] have been married for 2 years now. About a year ago Wife came home and informed me that she had quit her job. She hated her job and only made about $1000 a month there so it really wasn't worth how unhappy it made her.

I certainly would have appreciated a heads up, but I couldn't be too upset.. I told her I would dip into my personal savings for 2 months to make up for her lost income until she can find another job. She instead informed me that she already had everything figured out.

She would become a SAHW but we wouldn't adjust our lifestyle because I would work 8 hours of OT a week to make up for the $1000 a month. I looked at her like she lost her g**damn mind, but she explained she would take over all of my chores, she'd be able to run all of our errands, and she could cook all of our meals.

When I got home I would be able to just relax. All I would have to do is focus on work and with her cooking every meal we'd be eating better and healthier. Sounded nice, but I was a bit skeptical because she only worked part-time prior, so theres no reason she couldn'tve been doing some of that stuff already.

But she was so excited about it and I hadn't seen her that happy in awhile so I agreed to try it out.. ​The results have been less than advertised. I still do my own laundry and run errands on the weekends. She's maybe cooked breakfast (before I leave for work) 10 times in the past year.

But one thing she has been really good about, and is by far the most important thing to me, is that she does the grocery shopping and cooks dinner 5x a week. She's a great cook and her food is delicious.. ​Yesterday, she informed me that she is going vegetarian.

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Awesome! I fully support that. I told her she can just cook my meat on the side, and when necessary I'll mix it in with my food. She said no. She will no longer be cooking meat at all. In fact, she will no longer be buying meat from the grocery store.

If I didn't want to eat her vegetarian dishes I would have to go to the store myself, buy meat, bring it home and cook it myself. I'm an avid weight lifter, I eat a ton of meat daily. But I still said OK, f**k it.

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I'll stop working OT so I can come home and cook my own meals with meat, and you can just go back to work to contribute to our household because if you're no longer going to do the only thing you've been consistent with, then we need to end this arrangement.

She began to cry and called me financially abusive and I'm holding it over her head that I make the money and forcing her to be my personal chef who cooks what I demand when all she wants to do is become more ethically conscious.

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I don't feel that way at all. All I wanna do is eat meals with meat, I don't care who cooks it. But obviously if its going to be me, then I need to get off work a little earlier, and she needs to start working at least part-time.

When a meat-and-potatoes guy and a new vegetarian share a kitchen, sparks fly. The husband’s frustration stems from his wife’s refusal to cook meat, a key part of their stay-at-home agreement, while she accuses him of financial control. Marriage counselor Dr. Gary Chapman notes, “Mutual agreements in relationships require mutual effort to sustain trust”. Her unilateral dietary shift feels like a breach to him, especially since he’s funding it with overtime.

This mirrors broader tensions in modern marriages over household roles. A 2022 Pew Research study found 29% of couples disagree on chore division, with financial dependency amplifying conflicts. The wife’s failure to uphold most promised chores, except dinner, fuels his skepticism.

Dr. Chapman’s advice emphasizes renegotiating terms calmly. The husband could propose splitting cooking duties, with him prepping meat dishes on weekends. Her accusation of abuse seems overblown, but addressing her feelings is key to de-escalation.

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For now, they could trial a part-time job for her to ease financial strain, allowing shared meal prep time.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s dishing out a carnivore’s feast of reactions, from cheers for the husband’s stand to shade at the wife’s shaky logic. Here’s the raw scoop, fresh from the relationship grill:

sirdkuyp - NTA. But good f**king luck with this can of worms.. Edit: my first award! And second!

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catsaway9 - NTA. You need to renegotiate this arrangement. She's taking advantage of you.

StatusSnow - NTA.. Being a SAHM is completely different than being a SAHW. Yeah, if you expected a SAHM (of young children) to make you gourmet breakfast, lunch and dinner ever and do 100% of the chores, you’d be the a**hole, because the job of a SAHM is primarily childcare. But you guys don’t have kids!!

If your wife isn’t taking care of children, and she isn’t doing chores beyond cooking dinner — what is she even doing all day?  As a vegetarian, I don’t get why she cares about cooking meat for you. If you’re going to be eating it anyways, it’s not her cooking it is going to result in more dead animals.

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[Reddit User] - You both need to cook and you both need a job. This is the beginning of the end if you don’t figure this out with her. Even if she starts cooking meat it’s minor to all the other things that’ll arise . NTA

[Reddit User] - NTA. Sir, your wife is bananas. She’s lucky you even went along with her arrangement in the first place. I would have gone to a hotel for the night and had a great big steak dinner. I would not share a roof with someone

that accused me of abuse for following through with an arrangement she insisted on. Words matter, and that’s not one you throw around to get your way.. Hope she’s got some vegetarian lunch prep ideas for when she goes back to work.

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lucia-pacciola - NTA. Also:. all she wants to do is become more ethically conscious. She can start by being more ethically conscious of her responsibility to uphold her end of the partnership.

Apprehensive-Mess-97 - How are you financially abusive? It’s not like you’re stopping her from making her own money. Also, NTA, the reason being she sounds super controlling and like she wants to be a trophy wife. I get her not wanting to cook the meat if she’s gone veg., but not buying it at least sounds stupid.

rs_plays_ac - Based on the title I was ready to call you TA, but tbh after reading you are definitely NTA. Tbh she kinda shouldn’t have forced you to support her anyway, you did it as a kindness and now she’s being unfair.

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[Reddit User] - Red flags tally was at five, potentially six, when I finished reading this.. She.... 1. Unilaterally made the decision to quit work because she hates it and didn't discuss with you. 2. Decided that she would become a kept wi- I mean 'STAHW' and that you'd work extra without even asking

3. Did not up hold her end of that particular bargain, barely kept up anything really beyond a routine meal.. 4. Decided to try and force a dietary change on you through this set up.. 5. Immediately started with the water works when told this deal wasn't fair and you weren't doing it anymore..

6. Cried 'financial abuse' because you want her to justify the eight hours extra you're working weekly. BTW financial abuse is a very specific thing, like one spouse controlling all assets and restricting access to the other spouse or imposing harsh restrictions on what they spend on or buy.

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You're not doing this. You want her to work and have money of her own. You're saying, 'if you're not upholding your end of the bargain than I'm not doing it anymore.' It's no longer a fair exchange, and yeah I realize people say tit for tat isn't good for relationships, but there has to be give and take on both sides.

You being expected to work extra so she can essentially sit at home huffing her ethical eating vibes isn't really fair to you. You're being effectively used by your own wife. NTA, but it's entirely on her to realize her selfishness, and at this juncture it kind of sounds like couples therapy might be a lost cause. That said, it's your marriage in the end. Do you.

totorroros - Hard NTA. You guys had a deal and her behavior is absurd.

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These takes are as juicy as a steak, but do they oversimplify a marriage teetering on trust? Can this couple find a recipe for harmony, or is their deal cooked?

This isn’t just about meat—it’s about promises, power, and partnership. The husband’s push for his wife to cook non-vegetarian meals stems from a deal she’s only half-kept, but her tears and accusations hint at deeper rifts. Can they renegotiate their roles, or is this the end of their kitchen truce? Have you ever faced a partner who changed the rules mid-game? Share your stories—how do you keep love and fairness on the menu?

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