AITA for ignoring my SIL and her husband when they showed up to a family gathering?

Picture a lively family party, balloons bobbing and cake gleaming, as an Irish woman navigates the crowd with her lilting accent—a badge of her heritage. For years, her sister-in-law and brother-in-law have turned her words into punchlines, mocking everything from “telly” to her pronunciation of “three.” Fed up, she gives them the cold shoulder at her mother-in-law’s 60th birthday bash, sparking whispers of rudeness.

This Reddit tale is a spicy stew of cultural pride and family friction. Was her silent snub a bold stand against mockery, or did it toss a wet blanket over the celebration? It’s a story that dances between standing up for oneself and keeping the peace, leaving readers to weigh the cost of self-respect.

‘AITA for ignoring my SIL and her husband when they showed up to a family gathering?’

This Reddit post spills the tea on a woman’s struggle with her in-laws’ relentless teasing. Here’s her story, straight from the heart:

This is about my SIL, my husbands sister, and her husband, my husbands BIL. I'm Irish. I moved to the US 5 years ago after meeting my husband, we've been married for 3 years now. My accent has not faded at all in the 5 years I have lived here. Actually, it stands out a little more than ever to be perfectly honest.

My SIL has made some comments in the past about how I talk, little jokey things that were annoying but I let it go for the sake of peace. A few times she has said my name wrong too. About a year ago she started outright mocking how I talk. Making fun of the way I say three and th words in general.

Or the way some words are said differently like aluminum. My husband told her to knock it off. Her husband was joining in too. If it wasn't words it was Irish names they would mock or laugh about. I always attempted to be good humoured about it but it was so feckin hard to hear it. More than once I held back so I wouldn't give out to them.

The breaking point was his joke that I sounded dumb and illiterate for dropping letters or saying them a different way. Telly was a word they went crazy over me saying. They said it was childish. My husband told them if they were going to treat me that way then we'd just not see each other anymore.

They didn't think he was serious but outside of bigger family occasions we don't interact now. Not even a phone call or text. My MIL turned 60 a few days ago and there was a small family party to celebrate. SIL and her husband were there and did attempt to talk to me, but I ignored them and walked away, not wanting to be mocked by them again.

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They didn't like that and went around complaining. My MILs two sisters told me I should have been a civil adult and engaged with them briefly to not be rude. MIL and FIL told them it was better than the alternative of an out and out fight. It did put a damper on MILs birthday and she's been lovely to me, so I feel a little bad about it.. AITA?

This family feud boils down to respect—or the lack of it. The woman’s decision to ignore her SIL and her husband at the party was a shield against their ongoing mockery of her Irish accent, a sore spot that cuts deeper than a casual jest.

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Cultural psychologist Dr. Pamela Hays notes, “Mocking someone’s accent can feel like an attack on their identity, especially for immigrants” (Source). The SIL’s jabs, from mimicking “telly” to calling her “illiterate,” dismiss the woman’s heritage, creating a hostile dynamic. A 2021 study in Cultural Diversity and Ethnic Minority Psychology found that 70% of immigrants report accent-based microaggressions, which erode self-esteem (Source).

The woman’s husband set clear boundaries, but the SIL’s attempt to engage at the party—without an apology—suggests little growth. Ignoring them was a non-confrontational way to protect herself, though it stirred tension. “Setting boundaries is healthy, but communication can prevent escalation,” Hays advises. She could consider a calm discussion with her husband present to address the mockery directly.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit brought the craic, dishing out opinions with the gusto of a pub sing-along. Here’s what the crowd had to say:

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Deucalion666 − NTA they knew you would no longer be interacting with them. They went out of their way to try to talk with you, and then proceeded to go around and complain when you wouldn’t. They are the ones that put a dampener on the party, not you.

allieadventurer − NTA you stayed quiet and kept the peace by not entertaining their bs. You don’t owe anyone a conversation if their initial reaction is just to mock you and make you the b**t of their joke.

tigerz0973 − NTA. Your SIL is the AH as someone who has an accent (Scottish) it really grates when people think they're being funny when they're just being plain rude!!

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Your husband sounds great and I'm glad he had your back. If anyone queries again why you refuse to speak to SIL just explain politely you were brought up to be respectful but also not a mug and for decency sake you will no longer interact with rude people.

[Reddit User] − NTA you chose to respect yourself by not getting engaged with them and maintain a peaceful atmosphere .

LAET_BarnebyOfJones − NTA. I know a few yanks who get super pissed when I make fun of anything American but constantly take the p**s out of my accent/Australia.. TBH I just lost respect for and started spending less time with them.

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markroth69 − NTA. It is off how many people think its rude to appear to be rude towards rude people. How is that possibly worse?

MasterpieceOk4688 − NTA. You were Civil. You didn't start a fight, you just avoided them.. Your MILs sister obviously didn't ask you to be Civil but more of a pushover. Ummm ... no?

RedheadedTati19 − NTA. and thank you for sprinkling that ‘fecking’ in there 😉!. Your husband sounds like a great guy to stick up for you like that.

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Global_Monk_5778 − NTA. I’m from northern England and living in southern England and they take the p**s out of me for my accent all the time. It really gets on my nerves and there’s only so many times you can laugh about it.

I use odd words and phrases too and people talk to me as though I’m thick because they can’t understand some of what I come out with. You have my sympathy and outright respect for having controlled yourself and not clobbered them!!

dragonsfriend-9271 − NTA because there's a line between peace-keeping and being a doormat and why should you step over it?. But don't tell me you can't smile sweetly while telling them -in Irish- to go f\*\*\* themselves.

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These Reddit takes are as bold as a pint of stout, but do they capture the full weight of navigating cultural disrespect in a family setting?

This story is a hearty mix of pride, pain, and party drama. The woman’s choice to sidestep her mocking in-laws protected her peace but left a chill at the celebration. Was her silence the best defense, or could a sharp-witted comeback have set the record straight? What would you do if family turned your identity into a punchline? Share your thoughts—have you ever had to shut down mockery to stand up for yourself?

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