AITA for hiring a nanny to babysit my siblings instead of babysitting them myself, without telling my mom?

A feverish haze settles over a quiet afternoon, where a 16-year-old girl is left in charge of her toddler siblings. Suddenly, a wave of illness hits, turning her routine babysitting gig into a desperate scramble. Unable to reach her mother, she makes a quick call to a trusted nanny, ensuring her siblings’ safety. But when Mom returns, gratitude is nowhere in sight—only anger. What should have been a moment of pride becomes a family showdown.

This Reddit saga pulls us into a teen’s struggle to balance duty and health, only to face harsh judgment. Was her decision to call for help a shining example of responsibility, or did she cross a line? Let’s unpack her story, dive into expert insights, and hear the Reddit crowd’s fiery takes, all while wondering—how would you handle this parental curveball?

‘AITA for hiring a nanny to babysit my siblings instead of babysitting them myself, without telling my mom?’

I (f16) i'm in charge of babysitting my siblings (f2) (m3) some days while mom goes out. This past friday they stayed with me as usual and everything was going okay until i started feeling unwell out of nowhere. I waited for some time but i was definitely not feeling better and there was no way i could take good care of my siblings.

ADVERTISEMENT

It was really bad. I tried to call my mom a few times but she didn't answer and i didn't know what to do. I ended up calling their nanny, she used to stay with my siblings every day they were here last year and has stayed with them lots this year too. She has been following the rules of Covid perfectly and i payed her with my own money.

Mom came home a few hours later and when she found out i wasn't the one babysitting them she was raging. I was laying in my bed and she came to my room screaming about how irresponsible and lazy i had been. I tried to explain to her that i wasn't okay but she said that she didn't care. I am now punished and she is super mad at me and i really don't know if i was wrong?

Like i get that it was my responsibility but also, i really couldn't do it.. QUICK UPDATE: Hiiii i'm alive. Someone from here convinced me to call someone last night and i ended up having an emergency appendix surgery at like 3 am. I'm still really tired but i got lots of replies here and i'll try to reply to everything later.. I'm truly sorry to have bothered everyone.

Parenting dynamics can blur lines between responsibility and unfair expectations. This teen’s choice to hire a nanny while ill reflects maturity, yet her mother’s reaction reveals a troubling disconnect.

ADVERTISEMENT

The conflict hinges on duty versus well-being. Dr. Lisa Damour, a clinical psychologist, states, “Teens need support, not blame, when navigating adult responsibilities” . Here, the girl prioritized her siblings’ safety, but her mother’s dismissal of her illness—later revealed as a surgical emergency—suggests neglect.

This taps into a broader issue: parentification. Studies show 15% of teens regularly care for siblings, often at personal cost . The mother’s absence and unavailability exacerbated the crisis, leaving the teen to fend alone.

Damour’s advice emphasizes communication. The mother should apologize and establish backup plans, like emergency contacts. Teens in similar spots can seek trusted adults or counselors.

ADVERTISEMENT

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit brought the heat with this one, serving up support with a side of shade! The community rallied behind the teen, slamming the mother’s response. Here’s what they had to say:

BNHAisOnePunch100 − NTA What kind of mother puts her 16 year old child in charge of 2 toddlers and doesn’t checker her phone enough to realize she missed several calls until after she returned home. That’s just irresponsible.

ADVERTISEMENT

Affectionate-Youth21 − You definitely are NTA you tried to ring your mum and she didn’t answer, you put the safety of your siblings first when you weren’t feeling great, you got in someone they know and are familiar with and you paid with your own money, your mum is the A especially for not caring how you were after you tried to tell her you were ill

burntcucumberxyz − NTA - Why exactly was your mom upset? You did the best you could -- you tried to contact her, then you hired a trusted nanny with your own money. You seem really responsible!

ADVERTISEMENT

Kettlewise − NTA. I tried to explain to her that i wasn't okay but she said that she didn't care.. This says so much, and nothing good :(

mirmaidkitten − NTA, im sorry you're having to act like a reasonable adult because your mother isn't. You deserve better than this.

ADVERTISEMENT

nothing_666_ − NTA. Your mom is though. You didn't make those kids so regardless of whether you want to or not taking care of them isn't your responsibility. I think you're very responsible for paying for a nanny in her place while you're sick. She needs to raise her own damn kids and stop expecting the older sibling to do so. And that goes for all parents. Your oldest child is not your unpaid laborer for kids you decided to create.

mmekare79 − NTA It's my opinion that older siblings should not parent the younger ones. A few quick watches occasionally is fine, but it sounds like this is more than that. And if you were sick what else could you do?

ADVERTISEMENT

You behaved responsible by making sure someone was there who could watch them. Also, if nanny has watched them since the lockdowns began and took proper precautions I'm not sure how you calling her is any different from mom calling her.

Dcaim − NTA. You paid the nanny with your own money and still stayed in the house, not like you left. And your mom didn’t answer nor call you back which is inexcusable unless the phone died. Your mom is calling you lazy yet leaving you with two children and gone for hours.

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − NTA. Okay sweetie, you are obviously a very responsible young woman. However, however, this responsibility at a young age has made you think some things are normal when they are not. Here's how a good parent- hell, here's how I- would have handled this.

I had to go out. I ask my responsible teen daughter to watch the kids. I ensure she has my number, plus one other adult she can call. I go out. If I get a call, I answer.. Let's say my phone doesn't work. The other adult should have been available. Let's say their phone malfunctions.

ADVERTISEMENT

I come home and find my poor daughter is ill. I am concerned she is ill, and get her whatever she needs- doctor, meds, tea- to feel better. I'm mortified she was ill and couldn't reach me, but so proud she thought to call the babysitter she knew was trustworthy. I pay her back for using her own money.

In future, I give THREE adults she can call, make damn sure my phone is fixed, and text in the time I'm away to be sure she is okay but even then only if she agreed to watch the kids prior, or if it was an emergency.. You did everything right, honey. I'm proud of you x

ADVERTISEMENT

Dragaril − NTA if you are sick and can't take care for them,then it is your responsibility to get them the best care possible. Which is exactly what you did! The fault is with your mom as she wasn't reachable. You absolutely have to be reachable for your babysitter!!! You were in an emergency and got yourself help.. You did the right thing to keep your siblings safe.

These Reddit takes are spicy, but do they nail the real issue, or are they just cheering from the sidelines?

This teen’s quick thinking turned a health crisis into a lesson in resilience, yet her mother’s rage stole the spotlight. It’s a stark reminder that family roles can blur into unfair burdens. Was the teen wrong to call for help, or was her mother’s reaction the real misstep? If you were in her shoes, what would you do? Drop your thoughts below—let’s keep this convo rolling!

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *