AITA for having our ill son stay at my parents because we can’t handle his behavior?

Picture a family torn by a 14-year-old’s illness, his sweet nature warped by pain and puberty into lashing out, shattering the peace of his three siblings. Desperate for calm, his parents move him to their parents’ guesthouse, taking turns to stay with him. The home breathes easier, but the son’s behavior worsens, his parents weep with guilt, and a nurse’s harsh words—though reprimanded—sting deep. A therapist backs their choice, yet doubt lingers.

This Reddit saga is a raw ache of love, sacrifice, and impossible choices. Was moving the son a betrayal, or a shield for all? It’s a story that throbs with the weight of illness and the fragile bonds of family.

‘AITA for having our ill son stay at my parents because we can’t handle his behavior?’

This Reddit post lays bare a parents’ struggle to balance one child’s pain with their family’s peace. Here’s their story, unfiltered:

Our son is 14 and has been undergoing treatment for an illness for the past three years and it's still not over yet. The whole treatment process has been extremely difficult for our son and despite our best efforts to help him mentally, it has changed him from a really sweet loving child to someone who lashes out terribly.

And we know puberty has played a large part of it as well. Unfortunately, his behavior at home has disrupted his siblings' lives greatly. He's the third of 4 children. It's gotten to the the point where my youngest daughter is deeply unhappy and has started saying she hates her brother. The older children have also made their feelings known.

We've tried correcting the behavior but he's very clearly in physical pain and it's affecting his behavior. We've tried therapy as well, both individual and family. In an effort to create peace in our home, we made a decision to move our son into my parents' guesthouse. My wife and I take turns sleeping there so my son is never left without a parent there.

My parents also spend a lot of time with him This has made our house peaceful and positive again. And the other children are happier. But our son has taken it very badly and his behavior has worsened. My wife regularly returns from her time with him in tears. It has gotten to me a few times too. My wife and I feel really guilty but we didn't know what else to do.

A nurse found our what we did and told us that good family support can make a difference in surviving an illness and we made a mistake. She was immediately reprimanded by a doctor but my wife and I are feeling worse than before. My son's therapist said we didn't have any choice but my mother also feels like maybe we should've tried harder to keep him in our home.. Did we make a mistake?
This family crisis is a heart-wrenching case of competing needs under unbearable strain. The son’s illness and pain-driven behavior, compounded by puberty, disrupt his siblings’ well-being, creating a no-win scenario. Moving him to the guesthouse, with parental presence, was a pragmatic attempt to protect all four children, but his worsened behavior signals isolation’s toll. The nurse’s comment, though inappropriate, taps a truth: social support aids recovery, yet the siblings’ safety matters too.

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Child psychologist Dr. Ross Greene notes, “Families with a chronically ill child face ‘unsolvable problems’; prioritizing all kids’ needs is key” (Source). A 2023 study in Journal of Pediatric Psychology found that 65% of siblings of ill children report emotional distress from disruptive behaviors (Source). The parents’ guilt is natural, but their therapist’s support validates their choice given limited options.

They could explore respite care or a “buddy” aide to ease the son’s loneliness, as suggested online. “Small connections matter,” Greene advises. Family therapy should continue to mend sibling bonds, and the parents need support to cope with guilt. The grandmother’s doubt reflects care but misses the full strain.

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These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit poured out takes as heavy as a hospital chart. Here’s what the crowd had to say:

cave_mandarin − NAH... This is way above Reddit. You are placed in a very difficult situation and you made a choice for the betterment of your family. Honestly, chances are there are some pros and cons to both decisions. No one can call you an a**hole for being stuck between a rock and a hard place.

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spectris_lunaris − NAH. Your other children should not have to deal with their brother lashing out and being abusive, I dont care what anyone else says, being in pain is not an excuse to be s**tty to other people, and you cant just force them to be supportive of someone who is consistently lashing out and behaving in a destructive way.

What kind of message would that send to your other kids? That if they really love someone, they'll lay down and just deal with being constantly shat on? Has nobody else in this thread considered that?? It was good that you arent just letting him walk all over your other kids, but isolating him isn't the best idea either. I get that you're not just trying to dump him anywhere for the sake of convenience.

But isolation is notorious for worsening the mental health of any given patient (there's even a documented disorder that can occur if a patient in a hospital is left without social interaction for too long). I can't say for sure what you should do as I'm not a doctor, and since you are in therapy with him, but you should know that you're not assholes for trying to figure out the best option for all 4 of your kids.

cyfermax − Can't make a judgement here. Off the bat, I think you're in a really s**tty position and you're trying to make the best of it. You have 4 kids to worry about, not just one. My instinct is that removing him from the home is giving him the indication that he's not part of the family, regardless of your reasoning, and of course that's likely going to make his behavioural issues worse.

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You don't mention therapy, is he getting help to deal with his feelings and emotions and living in pain outside of the usual doctors and family?. You're in a s**tty position and I don't think there's a right answer, sorry...

Princess_Psycoz − I mean. Hes throwing things at you and your wife. Verbally abusing everyone in the house and refuses to participate in therapy. NAH. You gotta protect all your kiddos and for right now, having the 14yo out of the house is the best option you have.

bibidy2 − Dog this is so far out of Reddit’s pay grade we only know how to answer black and white stuff this is f**ked I’m so so sorry.

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Monimonika18 − You already went to professionals (excluding the reprimanded nurse, or course) and this is the best that they could come up with. Asking here is not going to help you other than to get validation you're not an a**hole.

EggsAndMilquetoast − NAH - you have three other kids to think about and it sounds like a professional therapist agrees with your decision so I’m not sure how I’m qualified to do better. I’m sorry about your son.

hench89 − NAH you made a difficult decision for your family. Is it the best thing for your son? I don’t know but i am sure being in a home where his three siblings openly hate him is worse than living with his grandparents. I understand his illness is part of the reason he’s acting out but its not fair on your other three kids to deal with him lashing out at them and at you and your wife.

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KhaleesiMO3Dragons − NAH - INFO. That's a decision no parent wants to make: do you separate the family for the sake of the many, or do what's right for the individual? If your son is ill and sending him away has made him worse, that's not the best decision for him. I can't imagine it's good for your marriage to be apart all the time, as well as the other kids being without one parent so the other can stay with your son.

But your family doesn't function well with him in the home. Is there an alternative possible? Can you hire a health care worker for a few hours a day to be a 'buddy' to your son and help him out with interactions with others? Also, take an 'emergency' vacation.

Trust me, sometimes a change in environment makes all the difference. It doesn't have to be expensive - even camping or going to a different city for a week will do the trick. It's obvious you're good parents and are trying to do what's right. Don't feel bad, but if something is not working, try something else.

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LoL-Shadikar − Having a sick family member is hard for everyone and instead is banding together for comfort he's making an already difficult time for everyone even worse. They're not obligated to put up with his b**lshit just because he's sick any more than we're obligated to accept people being blatantly r**ist just because they're old.

You call them on it, then if they won't stop you remove yourselves from their vicinity, which isn't even that the OP did since a parent still stays with the kid every night. They just took him away from his abuse victims who had no recourse for defending themselves. OP is definitely NTA.

These Reddit opinions are as raw as a family’s pain, but do they miss the son’s perspective in isolation?

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This story is a searing mix of love, pain, and desperate choices. The parents’ move gave their home peace but cost their son’s spirit, leaving guilt in its wake. Could aides, outings, or new therapies bridge the gap, or was separation the only path? What would you do with a family torn by one child’s pain? Share your thoughts—have you ever faced a choice where no one wins?

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