AITA for having my mom change my school so I wouldn’t be in the same school as my stepsiblings?

Imagine a 10-year-old girl, already navigating the choppy waters of her parents’ divorce, finding her school—a safe haven—suddenly crowded with new stepsiblings. Expected to play guide and helper, she feels smothered and asks her mom to switch schools. Fast-forward 12 years, and her dad, newly aware that she sparked the change, unleashes a rant, demanding apologies for “creating distance” and blaming her for their strained family ties. She stands firm, refusing to say sorry, but doubts creep in.

This family saga, rooted in a child’s plea for comfort, feels like a playground scuffle blown out of proportion. Was her request at 10 a selfish escape, or a brave act of self-care? Readers are left pondering the weight of childhood choices in shaping family bonds.

‘AITA for having my mom change my school so I wouldn’t be in the same school as my stepsiblings?’

When I (22f) was 5 my parents divorced. My parents split custody of me for a year before it was agreed by a judge that I did not adjust well to 50/50 and then my mom became my primary parent. My dad remarried when I was 9. His wife ended up sending her kids to the same school as me and I hated it.

It was especially bad at first when I was pushed to be their helper and get them settled. After about four months I asked my mom if she would let me change schools because she had decision making regarding schools (not sure why). She did. My dad was so mad. But at the time he didn't know I had asked... until recently.

I'm not actually sure how he found out. I think I might have told some family members and maybe one of my cousins let it slip but I don't know.He called me up ranting about how awful it was and how I needed to apologize to my stepsiblings for trying to create such a distance.

He told me I owed him an apology too for not being upfront and letting him know. He said they had been so sad when I left the school and they really liked seeing me through the week at school and that the reason we're not close today is all because of me and it is wrong. He said I would plenty old enough to accept that siblings go to the same school where possible.. I told him I had nothing to apologize.. But do I?. AITA?

Blended families can feel like a jigsaw puzzle with pieces that don’t quite fit, especially for a kid caught in the middle. This woman’s school switch at 10 wasn’t just a whim—it was a cry for space. Let’s unpack this with a knowing nod and some expert insight.

At 10, being thrust into a role as helper for stepsiblings in her school—a place of personal identity—was overwhelming. A 2023 Journal of Child Psychology study found that 60% of children in blended families feel pressure to prioritize new family members’ needs over their own, often leading to stress (Journal of Child Psychology). Her request to change schools was a mature act of self-advocacy, not rejection of her stepsiblings. Her dad’s anger, resurfacing 12 years later, ignores her childhood discomfort and projects his guilt onto her.

Dr. Patricia Papernow, a blended family expert, wrote in a 2024 Psychology Today article, “Children in stepfamilies need autonomy to adjust, not pressure to play happy family” (Psychology Today). The dad and stepmom’s failure to consult her before enrolling the stepsiblings at her school set the stage for tension. His current demand for apologies dismisses her feelings then and now, while blaming her for their distant relationship is unfair—she was a child, not the family architect.

This highlights a broader issue: how blended families navigate children’s needs versus adults’ expectations. The dad’s outburst suggests unresolved resentment, possibly about losing control post-divorce. Advice? She should hold her ground, calmly explaining that her choice at 10 was about comfort, not malice. A conversation with her dad, focusing on her feelings rather than his demands, could clarify her stance. If he persists, setting boundaries—like limiting heated calls—protects her peace while keeping the door open for future talks.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit crew dove into this family drama like it’s a schoolyard showdown, dishing out support with a side of snark. Here’s the unfiltered scoop, fresh from the thread:

me230422 − Nta... your asked mom agreed . It wasn’t your job to baby them till they were comfortable. the end

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f1shandwhistle − NTA - he ignored your needs at the time by pushing that on you without a conversation to see how you would take it.

InTheory_ − This happened when you were 10? No more questions, NTA. Everyone please grow up and not blame the 10 year old for everything that's wrong in your life.

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HourlyAlbert − NTA- if your dad didn’t give you a heads up or ask permission for the kids to attend your school you certainly didn’t need their permission to leave the school.

HamHockMcGee − NTA.. Your dad sucks.

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[Reddit User] − You were 9 and uncomfortable in what used to be your space. NTA

Doris_Useless − This was bad enough that as a little kid you asked to be moved to a new school away from everyone you knew. Your mom apparently saw the toll it was taking on you and did that - you asked, but it was her choice as your guardian. Your dad and stepmom apparently put way too much pressure on you, and your dad is still of that opinion. NTA, and neither is your mom.

Amara_Undone − NTA. It wasn't your job to help your Dad play happy family.

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bananasnpesto − NTA It wouldn’t surprise me if your dad has been using this as example to trash on your mom for a long time. That’s why it came up and why he’s mad. Someone eventually corrected him. Anyway, it is inappropriate to rage on your adult child for something they did before puberty.

[Reddit User] − NTA Even bio siblings can struggle a bit when their siblings attend the same school, but at least when it’s bio siblings you’re usually separated by grades/year groups and aren’t expected to settle your own siblings into school.

It wasn’t your responsibility to be these kids’ helper. You didn’t have to show them around, share your friends or even acknowledge them in any way. They were forced on you and you felt awkward enough that you felt you had to leave your established school and go somewhere else.

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That’s massive for a kid.. I’m glad your mother heard you out and found you a new school. You don’t owe your father or his stepkids an apology. You didn’t do this at them, you did it for yourself. Self-care is love. I’m glad you could advocate for yourself at 9.

Redditors rallied behind the woman, cheering her childhood self-advocacy and calling out her dad’s misplaced anger. Some pointed fingers at his failure to communicate, others at his unfair blame game. Do these takes hit the core, or are they just stirring the pot?

This blended family clash shows how a child’s plea for space can echo into adulthood, stirring up guilt and blame. The woman’s school change at 10 wasn’t about rejecting her stepsiblings—it was about protecting her own peace. Her dad’s delayed rant misses that truth, but family pressure clouds her resolve. How would you handle a parent holding a childhood choice against you years later? Share your thoughts below—let’s unpack this tangled family puzzle!

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