AITA for having my daughter’s classes switched because she didn’t want to have to keep ignoring her bully?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Picture a high school classroom buzzing with chatter, where 14-year-old Emma braces herself for another jab from Shane, the self-proclaimed class clown. His taunts, cloaked as jokes, dig into her past wounds from middle school bullies, leaving her raw and defensive. After a teacher brushes off her pain, blaming her for reacting, Emma’s mother steps in, determined to shield her daughter from a cycle of hurt that’s all too familiar.

This isn’t just a schoolyard spat—it’s a battle for Emma’s peace of mind. Her mother’s choice to rearrange her classes stirs relief in Emma but doubt from her father, who thinks ignoring bullies is the answer. Readers might feel the weight of that decision, wondering if it’s a victory or a temporary fix. As Emma navigates trust and trauma, her story pulls us into a tangle of loyalty and healing.

‘AITA for having my daughter’s classes switched because she didn’t want to have to keep ignoring her bully?’

My daughter “Emma” (14) was bullied pretty badly in middle school. A lot of it was 2 faced, mean girl-ness. She had a few girls pretend to be her friend, then turn on her and do some n**ty stuff. They then got other kids to be mean. At the time, Emma was pretty quiet and just kind of sat there as it was happening, later crying at home that she didn’t want to go to school.

I reported things and it took a year for anyone to take it seriously but she finally got teachers that helped advocate for her and things were slightly better in 7th & 8th grade, though the bullies just got better at hiding. As a result, Emma has become very distrusting of peers. She doesn’t know who she can trust and if they’ll turn on her.

For high school, we opted to send her somewhere outside the district for a fresh start. New faces, no one who bullied her in middle school, maybe she’d do better. Unfortunately, she almost immediately gained a new bully, a boy in her grade named “Shane”. According to my daughter, Shane was homeschooled K-8th grade.

I don’t know him personally but from the way Emma describes him, he seems to have clung to the “class clown” image to help him make friends. Emma admits that she’s done being quiet and now when people tease her, she snaps back. It has become somewhat of a problem because there are times people aren’t teasing, just generally joking around but due to her trauma, she struggles to identify that in these situations and gets very upset, snapping at them.

It’s lead to her unintentionally ostracizing herself. We have started to get her therapy and work with her on this, but I know school isn’t easy. Especially as Shane has caught onto her triggers and uses them to mess with her, to get a good laugh out of everyone. It all came to a head last week when in one of my daughter’s classes, they needed to break into groups for a project.

Shane was in the class and made a comment “no one wants to work with Emma, she’ll just go crazy”. Emma got very hurt and looked to her teacher for help. Her teacher told her he’d find a partner for her to work with but it’s exhausting that she doesn’t get along with anyone. Emma said that isn’t her fault and her teacher said “yes it is”.

This lead to Emma becoming very upset. When she told me the story, I emailed the teacher, trying to remain as unbiased as possible and asked for his side. He confirmed she was telling the whole truth and he said that. I asked if that was necessary to say, pointing out that Shane bullies her often and makes that class harder (yet the school won’t change her class).

The teacher then told me that Shane is new to public schooling, he’s learning, and he’s “just joking around”. The staff goes easier on him as he’s “adjusting”. He also said my daughter needs to have less intense reactions to the “jokes” (aka, no yelling at the kid).

I pointed out that he’s well aware of my daughter’s trauma and that she’s working on not having such intense reactions. Why does Shane get a free pass but my daughter, his victim, does not? The teacher said that Emma is not a victim. I asked if my daughter was bullying him in any way.

He said no, but she isn’t making school easy on herself and if she just didn’t react, Shane wouldn’t read the way he does. Fed up, I brought this up the chain and this was enough for the counselor to finally switch my daughter’s schedule around. He, along side the principal, have promised my daughter and Shane won’t have classes together anymore.

They won’t even have the same lunch period. Emma is very happy with this. She knows she has work to do on herself but she already seems to be doing better. She still doesn’t have friends, but she’s coming home from school happier and I know, she feels safer. The issue came up with my ex, Emma’s dad. He feels like I shouldn’t have moved Emma and says we can’t keep moving her classes or school every time she has a problem.

I pointed out we’ve only moved her twice, once to this new high school and then rearranging her classes. He says that at this point, the teacher is right. Emma should just ignore the bullies and stop letting this affect her. I said “turn the other cheek” got us nowhere before. My ex still says that Shane was not the issue, Emma is.. AITA for moving my daughter in this case?

High school’s tough enough without a bully turning class into a minefield. Emma’s mother saw her daughter’s spark dim under Shane’s targeted taunts and acted to protect her. But the teacher’s dismissal—blaming Emma’s reactions—highlights a thorny issue: schools often misjudge bullying’s impact, leaving kids like Emma to fend for themselves.

Shane’s “joking” isn’t harmless; it’s calculated to provoke. Emma’s sharp responses, shaped by past betrayal, clash with his antics, creating a cycle where she’s painted as the problem. Dr. Dorothy Espelage, a bullying expert, notes in a 2018 Edutopia article, “Bullying thrives when adults minimize it as ‘just teasing.’ It’s critical to validate victims’ experiences” (https://www.edutopia.org/article/understanding-roots-bullying). Espelage’s words underscore how the teacher’s leniency toward Shane dismisses Emma’s reality, stalling her healing.

This reflects a wider issue: schools struggle to balance discipline with empathy. A 2021 CDC report found 43% of students face bullying, yet only half of schools intervene effectively (https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/youthviolence/bullyingresearch/index.html). Emma’s class switch is a bandage on a deeper wound—her distrust in peers. Therapy’s a start, but schools must address bullies head-on.

For Emma, her mother could keep advocating, perhaps pushing for anti-bullying workshops. Emma might benefit from role-playing social cues with her therapist to rebuild confidence. Readers, how would you handle this? Should schools prioritize victims or give bullies endless chances?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s got no chill when it comes to bullies, and the comments on Emma’s story are a fiery mix of support and shade. Buckle up for some candid takes from the internet’s peanut gallery:

shammy_dammy − Oh, not the 'he's only joking, he's having trouble adjusting, he needs more time' crap.

BusydaydreamerA137 − NTA: Emma’s dad is just like the teacher “Let her be bullied.” (As someone who was bullied and has to relearn teasing vs bullying, one you can give her is after have her tell the person gently the joke upset them, if they never do it again, it was just a joke if it comes up again than she can argue back.) You’re still not in the wrong but it is useful to learn

WistfulDread − NTA. This teacher should face reprimand. Notice how the popular kid got a pass and the outsider wasn't? That's proof this teacher will always side with the bullies.. S**t like this **always escalates**. You did the right thing. I'm just amazed the school did.

snowmikaelson − As someone who was in Emma's shoes, I think you're right to move her classes and combine it with therapy. The truth is, she does need to learn how to rebuild trust, and maybe she is having reactions that aren't making her any friends. \*But\*, she's not going to be able to heal if she's still actively being bullied.

To me, it'd be one thing if this was just about her flipping out over jokes. That's something she will have to readjust to. And I say this as someone who was in her shoes, it's tough. Because you've spent so long being told

But...there's a huge difference between that and bullying. How is she ever supposed to learn if she's still actively being bullied? She can't learn to heal in the environment she was in. Now, if she stays in this healthier environment and is still struggling, I'd say I'd seek more therapy and work on her. But this is the best way to handle it.. NTA.

zeeelfprince − Your daughters sperm donor is an absolute piece of dogshit. Who defends the

No_Use_9124 − Ah yes, when the teacher is another one of your child's bullies.. 1. Your ex is a fool. He's completely wrong. Clearly, we can see why he's your ex.. 2. File a formal complaint against the teacher. He sucks. 3. You mentioned therapy? Make sure your child is in therapy.

She probably has some form of PTSD from the bullying. Also, consider helping her find some kind of afterschool activities where she might be able to find at least one friend. Because honestly? That is all that is needed. One good friend makes all the difference.

tq144169 − There is validity to your ex's argument that she can't always move away from her problem, but at the same time she needs to heal enough that she can have normal interactions with people who are friendly teasing before she can learn to deal with a bully.

Think of it like this. If you break your leg you will have to walk on it eventually, but if you try to run on that broken leg you will slow down the healing and further injure yourself. You have to let yourself heal before you can walk again. Then you can build the strength back up and not only walk but eventually run..

Dealing with the bully is like trying to run on a broken leg in this scenario. Yes she will have to learn how to deal with exceptional jerks again, but she needs a few months of therapy and getting better just being social again first.

Ideally the therapist will help her with this. I will say if something like this comes up again it would be prudent to ask her therapist for ways you can help. Soon she will be old enough you won't always be there to help, but it doesn't mean you can't help her now when she needs you.

DesperateLobster69 − NTA. They're WAY too easy on the little s**t & not doing enough to protect your daughter!!!! Her own dad thinks it's fine to just let her continue to get bullied instead of switching classes because he's never been in her shoes!! Clearly, he doesn't know how cruel & s**tty teens can be!!!!

wanderlusting___ − NTA The teacher and the dad have very much

redditsunspot − Id pay a visit to this boys house and talk to the parents.  Record everything.  . This boy sounds like he should be isolated in special needs classes or just expelled. I thought bullying in high school no longer existed.  You get suspended so fast.  I graduated in 2003 and bullying was not tolerated then.  Everything was zero tolerance. 

These Redditors aren’t holding back, but are they onto something? Or is the real fix messier than they think?

Emma’s class switch feels like a win, but it’s left her mom dodging shade from her ex and wondering if she’s done right by her girl. Bullying’s a beast that doesn’t vanish with a schedule change, yet Emma’s brighter smile says it’s a start. Should she keep running from tormentors or learn to stand her ground? What would you do if your kid faced Shane’s taunts? Drop your thoughts below—let’s hash out how to help teens like Emma thrive.

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