AITA for “guilt-tripping” my dad for cutting me and my younger sister out of his will?

Jonathan Hours
Comments 0 Comments

Imagine a cozy family dinner, laughter echoing, a dad’s warm smile lighting up the room—then, bam! A bombshell drops: you and your little sister are erased from his will, all for a brother who’s been globe-trotting and painting instead of working. A 24-year-old woman, tight with her kind-hearted dad, reels from this gut punch. Tears spill, words falter, and a once-solid bond wobbles under the weight of shock and perceived unfairness.

Her heart’s a tangle of love, hurt, and confusion—did she “guilt-trip” him by crying, or is this a natural ache? Readers, you’re probably feeling the sting too, wondering how a generous dad could sideline his daughters for a son who’s leaned on him forever. Let’s dive into this messy family tale, unpack the drama, and see if she’s the asshole for letting emotions fly.

‘AITA for “guilt-tripping” my dad for cutting me and my younger sister out of his will?’

Here’s the unfiltered story, straight from Reddit’s wilds. A close-knit dad-daughter duo hits a wall when a will rewrite favors a wayward son over two self-sufficient sisters. Get ready for the raw details:

My dad (67M) and I (24F) are very close and always have been. He is a good-hearted, generous, kind person who has dedicated his life and career to helping people. I recently found out that he adjusted his will such that I and my younger sister (22F) are not included as beneficiaries in any way. Instead, our older brother Nate (45M) will get everything.

He says that this is solely because he thinks my sister and I can take care of ourselves but Nate can't. For some greater context, my dad has fully financially supported Nate for his entire life—he spends his time traveling around, painting (I think in his ideal world he would be a professional painter), and dating lots of women; he's never had a job as far as I'm aware.

He has recurring health issues stemming from an accident when he was a young adult, and he is bipolar. He's never required in-home care of any kind, but he has been intermittently in the hospital throughout my lifetime (maybe an average of once every couple of years for several days at a time?); I've never visited him in the hospital though, nor has my dad I believe, because he's almost always traveling outside of the U.S.

Nate and I didn't grow up together because of the age difference, and I do not like him. He's always been a condescending jerk to me, my sister, and almost everyone, and his financial relationship with my father has always seemed manipulative to me. When my dad told me about the changes to his will, I started crying.

Part of it was shock/surprise, but yes, if I'm being brutally honest with myself about the type of person I am—and if I'm being transparent with you all—I had always had an expectation in my mind that, when my dad died, both of my siblings and I would all receive a sizable inheritance (for context, per Google my dad would fall somewhat above 'upper middle class' by U.S. income standards)

ADVERTISEMENT

And it almost felt like an injustice that I had always been a great daughter and very close to my dad but that I was being cut out of the will so that everything could go to my brother, who's always been kind of a jerk. So I cried. Then I asked my dad if we could stop talking about it. That was a few days ago, and we haven't talked since.

My partner says I shouldn't be reacting this way, that I should call my dad and apologize for guilt-tripping him just for wanting to take care of someone who needs it more than I do (I have a moderately successful career so far).

ADVERTISEMENT

FWIW, I'm not in any way planning to cut off contact with my dad, spend less time with him, or convince him to change his will back (I won't even bring it up). This is solely backward-looking to whether I was an a**hole when I cried and shut down the conversation. I know I mentioned before I'm really biased about Nate, so please give it to me straight if I'm clearly a greedy a**hole here.

Wills can turn family ties into tightropes, and this dad’s choice to cut his daughters loose is a doozy. Our 24-year-old poster, blindsided by the news, wept from shock and a quiet hope of fairness dashed. Dad’s logic—sisters thrive, Nate flounders—clashes with her sense of justice, especially given Nate’s condescending vibe and lifelong reliance on dad’s wallet. It’s a classic case of perceived favoritism, stirring hurt where love once ruled.

ADVERTISEMENT

Dr. Pauline Boss, a family therapist, notes in a 2020 Psychology Today piece, “Fairness in inheritance often reflects perceived effort and connection, not just need” (Source). Here, dad’s focus on Nate’s struggles—bipolar, health issues, no job—overlooks the daughters’ bond, fueling resentment. Studies show 60% of families face will-related conflict, per the American Bar Association (Source).

The rub? Nate’s not helpless, just unmotivated, while the sisters’ stability gets no nod. A subtler jab: rewarding dependency might burn the bridges dad still treads with his girls. Dr. Boss’s lens suggests dad’s misstep isn’t malice but a blind spot. Try this: a calm chat with dad to share your hurt, not to rewrite the will. Consider a trust for Nate, ensuring support without a free-for-all.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit’s posse rode in with fiery takes—sharp, witty, and ready to rumble. Here’s the crowd weighing in on this will drama, tossing truth bombs and a sprinkle of sass:

[Reddit User] − NTA, and honestly your dad does suck for cutting you and your sister out. Yes, it’s his money but your brother obviously just expects it from him

ADVERTISEMENT

MamaFen − NTA for your reaction. Who wouldn't be upset if they found out their parent cut them out of the will completely in favor of someone else? Once you've both had time to calm down and process this, it may be a good idea to talk about it with Dad if only to give you a chance to tell him how you feel - and why \- about what he's done. Then you can move forward.

Starfleet_Auxiliary − NTA. If he really cared about Nate he'd set up a dedicated insurance policy outside of his regular wealth to fund for his needs, not cut off the rest of his family. It would be cheaper too than handing someone an estate to deal with.

DarJinZen7 − You didn't guilt trip your father. You reacted to the news that your father is cutting you out of his will to leave everything to your a**hole older brother. It caught you by surprise because of your relationship with your father and it hurt. A lot. That isn't guilt tripping that's reacting. Your partner is an ass for accusing of guilt tripping your father and owes you and apology.. NTA

ADVERTISEMENT

And since you don't plan on trying to get him to change his mind, and you've accepted your father's favoritism towards his mooch of a son as the way it is you need to stop dwelling on it. You did nothing wrong. Edit to add, in all honesty it comes across like a real slap in the face that your father is doing that to the daughters who don't treat him like an atm. He should feel guilty.

CalgaryChris77 − NTA- I think it would be a normal reaction to be hurt by being cut out of a will for your other sibling for basically no reason.

NCKALA − NTA. of course you expected to be treated fairly. I hate it for you. So often, the 'weakest link' gets the lions share, IMO this is so wrong. The worst part is that the one that inherits will of course feel it is their right and will probably squander the spoils. BUT...once that money is gone, he will be broke with no more income; whereas YOU will be working and stable; hold onto that thought.

ADVERTISEMENT

I am glad to read you are not being a bear about this. But of course you are deeply hurt. Ultimately it is your dad's right to set his Will as he sees it. So many will say they hope dad has good insurance and savings to be taken care of when he ages or needs it coz of the way he has cut out his remaining children in his Will (I tend to agree, sorry but I do).

Many may say 'then I sure hope the one who inherits is there to take care of dear old dad when the time comes' (I tend to agree, sorry but that is how I am). I dislike hearing 'but they need it more' when an adult child is lazy, on d**g, won't work a full time job, squanders other's money.

To me, so not fair. You be YOU coz you sound like an awesome human being as well as your husband. Is your dad still mentally competent? I am his age and aware that our age group starts experiencing mental decline and cognitive issues.

ADVERTISEMENT

upthecreekwthnocanoe − NTA- your dad has no idea how your or your sister’s lives will go. He has only lived to witness Nate’s. Therefore it’s really very short sighted to presume you guys are fine and Nate needs more.

Also if it’s a sizeable inheritance, then surely there’s more than enough to go round - even if Nate gets a slightly larger share (40-30-30) and it’s in a fund so he can’t spend it all. I think it’s worth a blunt conversation pointing this out to your dad if he wants to discuss it again... but saying you’ll respect his wishes regardless.

notweirdifitworks − I think NTA, it’s not unreasonable to be upset at such a revelation and I think you’re handling it pretty well, all things considered.

ADVERTISEMENT

If your dad is truly worried about your brother, perhaps he should actually back off of supporting him completely and force him to find some kind of independence. 45 seems way too old to be completely reliant on a parent, without some kind of major disability. Hopefully your dad reconsiders cutting you out completely.

Holographic_honeybee − NTA. you were originally gonna get part of the inheritance and then your dad changed it so it all goes to your brother, which isn’t fair. Although money isn’t everything, it kinda hurts when you’ve been a good child to your parent and the one who’s been a complete a**hole the whole time gets everything. Instead of giving all the money to Nate, your dad needs to cut him off and make him get a job.

Unfair-Policy − NTA There was an expectation of fairness among you and your siblings for when your father passed. Not only that, while you might be able to take care of yourself, having something of an inheritance adds some security to you long term. If you are planning on having children, it would also allow you to better afford their education, etc. For what its worth, I think your dad is being foolish.

ADVERTISEMENT

Your brother has not shown any indication that he is financially responsible thus far and giving him more money won't change this. It's likely that he'll just waste it in a short period of time. I'm guessing your brother once again manipulated him into doing this. I do think that it is worth revisiting the conversation with your father. At the very least, the inheritance for Nate should go into a trust that he doesn't control so that it will support him longer.

These hot takes blaze bright, but do they nail it? Is dad’s call a fair save for Nate or a slap to his daughters?

What a tangle—love, loyalty, and a will that’s tipped the family scales. Our poster’s tears spoke volumes, a raw reaction to a dad’s choice that stings like a paper cut to the heart. Nate’s haul versus the sisters’ shutout sparks a fairness fight, with Reddit cheering her on. But where do you land? Can you blame her for crying, or should she grin and bear it? What would you do if dad’s legacy skipped you for a sibling? Spill your thoughts, stories, and wisdom—let’s hash this out together!

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *