AITA For going out to dinner without my husband?

Picture a bustling home, alive with the chatter of four little ones, a fifth on the way, and a devoted 27-year-old mom juggling it all—laundry, dinners, and love, poured out daily like a warm, endless stew. For this stay-at-home superhero, life’s a whirlwind of diapers and dishes, yet her heart aches for a simple night out, a chance to trade “mommy” for “me” under the glow of a restaurant chandelier. Her husband, though a loving dad, shrugs off date nights, leaving her pleas for connection lost in a haze of exhaustion and excuses.

Enter her gallant younger brother, home from college, who spots her quiet gloom and swoops in like a knight with a steakhouse reservation! A magical evening at Longhorn Steak House unfolds, rekindling her spark as she savors being seen. But when hubby catches wind, the mood sours fast. Was her night of joy a misstep, or a well-earned breather?

‘AITA For going out to dinner without my husband?’

This mom’s tale tugs at the heartstrings, blending the grind of parenthood with a craving for connection. Here’s her original Reddit plea, dishing out the full scoop on this dinnertime drama:

I'm a 27f sahm mother of 4, soon to be 5. My husband hasn't attempted to take me out on a date since right before our 4th child was born 9 months ago. Mind you, I had to cry and beg for that date. Before that date it had been around almost 2 years since he had taken me on a date. He isn't exactly interested in going out with me because of him being tired and just not being interested.

He'll make excuses about money or a sitter when we have those things to spare. I took the hint and stopped asking. In fact, I see why. I mean, there's not much more to me than 'mommy' so why would he want to? My husband works a lot and I understand that he's often tired. I take care of the kids and our home as well as everything else that doesn't fall to him.

Because I don't work I try my best to make sure he feels special and appreciated. I give him massages, home made dinners, clean home, and I literally serve him. Of course putting out isnt an issue because we have 5 kids just about.. This man doesn't usually have to lift a finger when he comes home unless its to interact and play with his kids because he's a good dad who loves them. I tend to everyone's needs without any regards to my own.

My younger brother is home from college to visit my mother and family. After telling me about the date he had with his girlfriend before he left I got all sad. My brother asked me what was wrong and I told him how my husband wouldn't be interested in taking me out a nice dinner alone and go dancing. That PISSED him off.

All of a sudden he's taking my kids to my moms and we are off to Longhorn Steak House! Dinner is fantastic. He told me to get whatever I wanted and I did. I was paid attention to. I genuinely felt like a real person again. I got my kids, went home, and I was the happiest I'd been in a long time. My husband of course hears of my evening without him and is very b**t hurt about it.

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Passively aggressively saying he hoped I enjoyed myself without him. I told him that I had the best day I've had in awhile and that it was nice to feel valued. He retorts , 'Oh, so you think I don't value you?' My response was, 'Well, you'll knock me up but you won't even take me to dinner.' Now apparently I don't appreciate how he works so I can stay home etc.. AITA?

This steakhouse saga serves up a tender slice of marital tension, with a side of sibling heroism. Our devoted mom pours her soul into home and family, yet her husband’s date-night drought leaves her starved for appreciation—until her brother delivers a sizzling rescue!

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Zooming out, this reflects a wider struggle: unmet emotional needs in partnerships. A 2021 study by the Pew Research Center found 41% of married parents feel their spouse undervalues their domestic labor (Source). Here, her husband’s focus on work overshadows her longing for a night of connection, while his hurt over her outing hints at miscommunication.

Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman weighs in: “Small gestures, like a date night, build a couple’s ‘love bank,’ keeping bonds strong” (Source). Dr. Gottman’s insight rings true—her husband’s neglect risks draining that bank, while her brother’s treat refilled it briefly. She’s not wrong to crave this!

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Try a calm chat: suggest a weekly date—maybe a budget-friendly coffee or dance night—splitting sitter costs. Both can list one way to feel valued, rebuilding that bridge.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit posse rode in with fiery takes, dishing support and sass in equal measure—here’s the juiciest scoop from the crowd, served with a cheeky grin:

Rowanever − NTA at all, but - this and your post history are concerning AF, and I'm worried about you. You are a worthwhile person, and you deserve to have a freaking rest occasionally. BTW, I'd love to see his solution for you not staying at home at this point. Does he think childcare and housework grow on trees?

[Reddit User] − NTA and please know there is SO MUCH MORE TO YOU than 'mommy'. Your husband is straight up neglecting your emotional and romantic needs and you litetally just went to dinner with your brother which is. a normal activity?

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Your husband does not appreciate you and is using you as a baby incubator/cleaner/housekeeper. Someone who loves you and respects you doesnt treat you that way and you really need to re-evaluate whether this relationship deserves you wasting your entire life being devalued for it.

FatalInsomniac − NTA But for the love of God, stop having his children. You had your 4th 9 months ago but you're already pregnant again? That isn't healthy for your mind or your body, especially when you have a lump of a husband who won't even take you out so damn well won't be helping with kid responsibilities and chores.

lolikamani − NTA. Good for you. And well said, he does just knock you up.

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weist-risq − Why the hell are you still making kids with this man.

woodwitchofthewest − 'Oh, so you think I don't value you?' My response was, 'Well, you'll knock me up but you won't even take me to dinner.'. First off, BRAVO!. ​. Now apparently I don't appreciate how he works so I can stay home etc. Well, apparently he doesn't appreciate how you stay home so he can work! Those five kids didn't make themselves, you know - he has just as much responsibility there as you do.. NTA.

Babsgarcia − Your post history says there is a lot more to this than dinner. You need to get into some counseling or support group. You may see him as a 'great dad' but he is an awful controlling spouse. At some point you need to open your eyes. You are letting him set awful examples to your own kids of how to treat spouses (or allow themselves to be treated by)

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ComunqueS − “ Because I don't work”. Y T A for saying that. You work multiple backbreaking jobs, I’m gonna guess about 100 hours a week. Cleaner. Child minder. Chef. Waitress. Laundry-er. Shopper. Since he thinks you don’t work, time to go on strike. Leave. I’m serious. NTA.

DaniCapsFan − It's entirely reasonable to want the occasional evening out with your significant other. It's entirely reasonable to want someone to take care of you every once in a while, considering you literally get zero time off, while your husband does.. You want to be more than mommy. You want to be 'wife' or even 'Representative\_Rest.'

By the way, don't say you don't work. Taking care of four kids, your husband, and a household is work, even if it is unpaid labor. Your doing all the housework is your way of showing your appreciation for his hard work.

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How does he show his for your taking care of the house so he has a cozy place to go home to without worrying about anything? You have a great brother. Good for him for taking you out when you need an evening out. If your husband is butthurt, HE can take you out.. NTA

[Reddit User] − NTA your husband chose to ignore your emotional needs in the relationship and didn't get pissy until someone else came and fulfilled them.

These hot takes spice up the chat, but do they cut to the core of this couple’s clash? Is it just a dinner dust-up or a deeper disconnect?

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From a whirlwind of motherhood to a rare steakhouse escape, this mom’s night out flipped her world from routine to radiant—until hubby’s pout turned the table. It’s a tangy mix of devotion, neglect, and a brother’s big save, leaving us chewing on what “value” really means. She bends over backward for her family, but one dinner away stirred the pot. Was her evening a bold move or a fair break? What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Spill your thoughts, feelings, or date-night wins in the comments—let’s dish it out together!

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