AITA for going on a week long vacation by myself without my wife of 11 years after my cat died?

In the quiet aftermath of losing his beloved cat, a man’s heartbreak led him to a sun-soaked Mexican beach—without a word to his wife until he landed. His sudden solo escape, born from grief, left her reeling, questioning the trust in their 11-year marriage.

Reddit’s verdict was swift, with voices clashing over his need for solitude versus his secrecy. This story of loss and loyalty pulls us into a raw debate about how grief can strain even the strongest bonds. Let’s explore this emotional getaway.

‘AITA for going on a week long vacation by myself without my wife of 11 years after my cat died?’

I'll try to make this short. I'm (38m) and my wife (33f) have been married for 11 years. When we met I had a 7 year old cat that was my bff I had since he was a kitten. He was literally my whole life as cheesy as that sounds. Well he lived to be 18 and I had to have him put to sleep last summer before the world shut down.

The week after I just couldn't take it. I was so heartbroken and needed time alone I booked a trip to Mexico (we live in the USA) and went there for 5 days. I just needed some time alone. I didn't tell my wife until I got there.

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I acted like I was just going to work for the day, but went to the airport. When I got there I called her and told her where I was. She was really upset I didn't talk to her about my feelings. I just couldn't. I wanted to be alone. It's been almost a year and I still feel bad about it. We don't have kids BTW.. AITA?

Grief can make anyone feel like they’re drowning, but this husband’s choice to flee to Mexico without telling his wife turned personal pain into a marital storm. His need for solitude clashes with her expectation of openness, highlighting a disconnect in their partnership. He planned the trip in secret, leaving her blindsided.

A 2021 study from the Journal of Marriage and Family (source) found that poor communication during grief doubles marital stress. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, says, “Partners must share vulnerabilities to maintain trust.” Here, the husband’s silence risks eroding that foundation, signaling a need for emotional honesty.

This reflects a broader issue: navigating grief in relationships. Open dialogue before such decisions could prevent hurt. Dr. Gottman suggests couples therapy to rebuild trust through shared vulnerability. For now, the husband might start with an honest apology and discussion.

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Check out how the community responded:

Reddit didn’t mince words, serving up a mix of empathy and outrage. Here’s the raw scoop from the community, with all the spice intact:

evhanne - Oh yeah. YTA. Need to be by yourself for 5 days? Sure. Absolutely. Understandable. But you didn’t tell her in advance, basically lied to her by omission? Peak AH.

dunemi - YTA. I feel bad for you, especially because I know the pain of losing a beloved animal friend. But, dude, flying to Mexico without telling your wife? That's nuts. Not because you need permission, but because she's your partner, your friend, the person you are supposed to rely on.

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If you really can't show her your grief and sadness, then I think you have to wonder how much of yourself you are sharing with her. Or whether you're putting on an act for the majority of your life.

grumpyspudgal - YTA. Grief is understandable. Hauling off to a different g**damn country without telling your spouse until you're already there is not.

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mustluvcats - YTA. I’m surprised she didn’t tell you to just stay there and not come home.

witchwhichwish - So I just lost my cat recently, he was 16.5 years old. I got him when I was 12. I was sobbing for a week prior to and the week after. I did not leave the country and not tell my husband where I'm going.. YTA big time Why can't you rely on your wife for some comfort? Why did you just leave her? Was she at fault for the cats death?

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madelinegumbo - YTA Not for needing the same time, but just springing it on her. That's not how marriage is supposed to work.

nyorifamiliarspirit - Oh come on. Of course YTA. You know that. You LIED to your spouse and got on a plane to another country. How could you be anything but an a**hole?

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maybenomaybe - YTA. I'm trying to think of circumstances where it might be acceptable to take off to another country without telling your spouse and I'm coming up empty.

Especially since you evidently pre-booked this trip by at least a little bit, and then faked going to work. This wasn't some grief-stricken act of spontaneity, you planned it and hid it from her.

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390TrainsOfficial - YTA. If you wanted time alone to grieve, that's fair. Lying to your wife - saying you're off to work - and not telling her where you are until you're in a foreign country isn't.

dogsrule7 - YTA- it was also your wife’s cat. Also, who the heck leaves the country without talking to their significant other before hand. Major AH move.

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These takes are bold, but do they capture the heart of this marital misstep? One thing’s clear: grief and secrecy make a messy cocktail.

This tale of a grieving husband’s solo flight shows how loss can unravel trust if left unspoken. Was his escape a valid cry for space or a betrayal of partnership? Share your thoughts: how would you balance personal grief with a partner’s need to know?

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