AITA for going fishing the day my ex was giving birth?

In a quiet lakeside retreat, a 29-year-old man cast his fishing line with old friends, unaware that his ex, Maria, was giving birth to another man’s child back in town. Their relationship, a casual fling ended 1.5 years ago, left no strings—or so he thought. Maria’s friends, however, saw his absence as a betrayal, bombarding him with messages about her loneliness during the birth. Picture the tension: a guy trying to keep things friendly, now caught in a storm of guilt trips over a baby that’s not his.

His fishing trip, planned before the unexpected early delivery, became a flashpoint for clashing expectations about friendship and responsibility. This Reddit saga dives into the murky waters of past promises, personal boundaries, and the weight of others’ hopes. Was he wrong to prioritize his plans, or are Maria’s friends fishing for drama?

‘AITA for going fishing the day my ex was giving birth?’

I (M29) ended a relationship with this woman, Maria (F27), about 1.5 years ago. Our relationship was largely casual, and I made it abundantly clear to Maria that I didn't want a serious long-term relationship. Maria agreed since we had such wildly different values and beliefs,

but after being together for about 11 months she confessed that she wanted a serious relationship with the prospect of getting married. I declined, as I thought (and still think) we're way too different to start something like that.

We continued our relationship for a few more months when Maria brought up marriage and starting a family again. She started saying things like how her family and friends liked me as well and how we'd be a great fit. At this stage, I decided to break things off with Maria.

I felt like we both wanted different things, and it was better if we went our separate ways. Maria was devastated by our breakup and begged me to remain in contact, so I did, and we kept a decently close friendship for the past 1.5 years. Since then, Maria's life has been through a downward spiral.

She hasn't gotten into any serious relationships (she's been in many but they've only lasted 2 months at most and most of the guys were not very good), this lifestyle has caused a lot of friction with her parents, and she tells me she no longer speaks with them because of it.

Maria has also failed out of graduate school and has struggled to find work before finally landing a job she hates a few months ago. One of the guys Maria was with got her pregnant at some point, and she was scheduled to give birth at some point last week.

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Leading up to the birth, Maria started calling me a lot, and she seemed very apprehensive. She told me that she was terrified of becoming a mom. I tried to reassure her that she'd make a great mom, visited her several times in the past few months, and helped her out whenever I could.

Maria ended up giving birth last week, on the day I was going fishing with some of my old friends that I hadn't seen in a while. When I found out about the birth the following day (from one of Maria's friends), I called her and congratulated her. Maria sounded exhausted but was happy I called.

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Later that week, I started getting a lot of messages from Maria's friends telling me how I should have been there since Maria was so afraid (none of her family showed up), and she was hoping I'd come. One of her friends (Katie F28) was particularly angry. She said that I needed to be more supportive of Maria since she felt alone

and I was abusing the trust Maria had in me. Honestly, I get helping out and being there for friends, but I feel like it wasn’t exactly my responsibility. Also, she had two of her other friends (Katie and another girl) with her on the day of the birth, so I don’t know what I could have added.. AITA?

More Context For those wondering, the father is back in Austria, and there is like a 60% chance he doesn't even know about the kid. All of Maria's friends know he's the dad but they just refer to him as 'some a**hole'.. While I do want to maintain a cordial relationship with Maria, I have NO interest in raising her child.

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Even More Context For those wondering, I knew the baby was supposed to be born last week. He was scheduled for Saturday but the little guy decided he wanted to come earlier so was born on Wednesday.

I left town Tuesday night and planned on coming back on Friday. The baby was born on Wednesday and I only found out on Thursday. I called Maria afterwards and congratulated her.. I did not make any promises about being their for the kid's birth.

A fishing trip shouldn’t reel in family-level obligations, but blurred boundaries can muddy even the clearest intentions. The man’s absence during Maria’s childbirth, though unplanned due to the early delivery, struck a nerve with her friends, who seem to expect him to fill a role he never signed up for. His past support—visits, reassurance—may have fueled Maria’s hope for more, creating a mismatch in expectations. Her friends’ criticism, especially Katie’s, reflects a common dynamic where friends project their own frustrations onto a convenient target.

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Friendship after a breakup is tricky. A 2023 study in Personal Relationships found 60% of ex-partners struggle with unclear boundaries post-split. Dr. Terri Orbuch, a relationship expert, says, “Clear communication about roles prevents assumptions that lead to conflict”. The man could gently clarify his limits with Maria, emphasizing support without overstepping. Blocking her friends’ harassment might also clear the air.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit’s anglers didn’t hold back, casting sharp takes on Maria’s friends and urging the man to swim away. From warnings about daddy-trap vibes to jabs at the absent baby daddy, here’s what they hooked:

Federal-Ferret-970 - Dude. Shes looking for a daddy. Id back away from the friendship.. Forgot verdict since my comment got traction. NTA

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JosKarith - NTA - guarantee that she had this fantasy where you bonded with the kid and came back to her. Time to walk away

SirWarm6963 - Where was baby daddy? Next time one of her friends rips on you refer them to baby daddy.

Havranicek - NTA it’s not your kid. You don’t owe her anything but you have been kind nonetheless.

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fuckmeoverabarrell - NTA. Not your baby? Not your business.. Poor Maria but this is not your problem. Block. her overbearing friends.

[Reddit User] - NTA wtf? You’re NOT the father! so why on earth would you be there? She already bullied and harassed you into staying friends with her. And now this?. You should not have given in the first place and just cut contact with her completely. It’s extremely inappropriate she got her friends to harass you. You should ask them why they weren’t there?

Remind them that you are not the father and that you ended the situation you had going on a few years back and that she kept harassing you until you gave him just to be friends. And that if they care so much they are the ones that should’ve been there with her.. I think you should block all of them

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superflex - NTA, but dude be real. Maria totally wants to get back together and have you long term as a husband and father to her kid. Her friends know it and apparently the strategy of the moment is to guilt, shame and harass you towards a role & relationship that you don't want.

It seems like you think you're trying to be a good guy/good friend here, but if your and Maria's hopes and expectations for the future don't match, maybe it's time to rip off the bandage and walk away.

[Reddit User] - You're not the AH. She has other friends that could be there for her, obviously, if they're mad at you, and you have a life.

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Knittingfairy09113 - NTA. People seem to think you're going to step in as a substitute father. I don't know if your ex has intentionally promoted this thought process or not, but I think backing away some would be a good idea.

The_mad_Raccon - run

These Reddit takes are as sharp as a fishhook, but do they miss Maria’s perspective? Or is the man’s fishing trip a fair catch?

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This birth-day drama shows how fast old ties can tangle new responsibilities. The man’s fishing trip wasn’t meant to snub Maria, but her friends’ outrage suggests deeper expectations he never agreed to meet. Was he right to stick to his plans, or should he have been there? Share your thoughts—have you ever faced pressure to support an ex beyond your comfort zone? How would you navigate this murky friendship?

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