AITA for giving the bigger bedroom to my son than my daughter?

The new house smelled of fresh paint, but the air turned sour when a father broke the news about bedroom assignments to his two teens. His 14-year-old son, a full-time resident, scored the medium-sized room, while his 15-year-old daughter, visiting only on weekends, got the smallest one. Her fiery accusations of sexism and favoritism exploded, leaving the dad stunned and the family divided. Now, with his daughter giving him the silent treatment, he’s left wondering if his practical choice was unfair.

This Reddit saga dives into the messy world of parenting decisions in blended families. Readers feel the daughter’s hurt and the dad’s dilemma, questioning whether logic trumps emotions in a child’s heart. Is a bigger room worth the family fallout?

‘AITA for giving the bigger bedroom to my son than my daughter?’

I have two kids a 14 year old boy and a 15 year old daughter. Recently me and my new wife daughters step mom moved into a new house. My son stays in the house full time and my daughter lives there only on the weekend. There are three bedrooms.

One is the master which is me and my wife's bedroom. The other bed room is a medium size room which I plan to give to his son as he lives in our house full time. I plan to give the smallest bedroom to my daughter as the custody arrangement says that our daughter lives on the weekend as our house is at least two hours from daughters school.

I told the bedroom situation to my kids tonight. My daughter became furious and yelled at me calling me sexist for giving a man a better things. My daughter also said I showed favoritism to my son when I gave my son the better room.

I tried explaining my reasoning to my daughter but my daughter told me should get the room because she is older. My daughter since that argument has not spoken to me so now I am wondering if I am the a**hole for giving the bigger bedroom to my son than my daughter.

This bedroom battle highlights the delicate balance of fairness and practicality in parenting, especially in blended families. The father’s decision to give the larger room to his full-time son makes logistical sense, but his daughter’s accusations of sexism reveal deeper emotional wounds.

Dr. John Gottman, a family dynamics expert, notes in Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child that “children often interpret unequal treatment as a lack of love, especially in split households” (The Gottman Institute, link). The daughter’s outburst likely stems from feeling sidelined, amplified by her limited time at the house and the distance from her school and friends.

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A 2023 study by the American Psychological Association found that 40% of teens in blended families feel like “outsiders” in one parent’s home, often due to perceived favoritism (APA.org, link). The daughter’s claim of sexism may reflect these broader insecurities rather than the room size alone.

Dr. Gottman suggests validating children’s feelings through open dialogue. The father could sit with his daughter, listen to her concerns, and involve her in decorating her room to foster ownership. This approach bridges emotional gaps while maintaining practical decisions, strengthening family bonds.

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Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The Reddit crew jumped in with a mix of logic and empathy, serving up hot takes on the bedroom drama. Here’s the unfiltered scoop, straight from the comments:

iamonewiththekarma − NTA. My son stays in the house full time and my daughter lives there only on the weekend.. This justifies your decision completely. Your daughter is just trying to guilt you to get her way. Her being the oldest does not justify her getting the bigger room if she will be using it less. As your son is living there full time, he will need more space for himself. There is nothing sexist in your logical decision.

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[Reddit User] − NTA There was no version of this scenario where one kid wouldn't be upset. Your logic makes sense. Your daughter will just have to get over it.

Ironinvelvet − NTA. Totally reasonable logic...Would’ve 100% made the same choice. Let her pick out some paint colors or s**t to decorate it and she’ll think of it as her own and get over it.. Edit: autocorrect

InMyOpinon − NTA. She is a teen, and behaving like one. Your reasoning is solid and fair. How does the mom, your wife, feel about the decision?

wildberryyoghurt − NAH, but I feel for your daughter too. I can think of a bunch of reasons why your daughter might be upset over the situation. Her parents are divorced, her dad is closer to his son than to her (not saying it's true, but that's how she probably sees it) (and tbh, if you only see her on weekends and your son all the time, she might have good reason to believe it),

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her dad moved two hours away, she can't meet up with her friends from school on weekends because of it, she has to do a four hour round trip every weekend.. all that, and now her dad is saying that because of her being a child of divorce, she gets the smaller bedroom. She's probably feeling that she never chose for any of these things, but she is getting punished for it.

So yeah. Your decision makes sense, but you're really disregarding a lot of emotional factors here. I hope you'll take the time to have a conversation with your daughter and see what is going on. If she calls you sexist, ask her why she thinks that, and listen to her.

IridianRaingem − NTA. Your daughter is acting pretty entitled for not even living with you that often. If she lives there for about a day and a half every week, she doesn’t need all that much space. This is the logical answer. She gets the smallest room.

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morganseptember − NTA - however, something to consider: I was the only child of my parents marriage, and they both went on to remarry and have more kids. I always had the smallest room, the fewest belongings, I was at my mom’s when my dad’s side went to Disney World, I was at my dad’s when my mom’s side went to amusement parks, etc.

I grew up feeling like I was living in the crack between two families that were complete without me. So although your reasoning is logical and justifiable, I would suggest doing whatever you can to make sure your daughter doesn’t feel like a “part-time” family member, no matter what her living situation is.

[Reddit User] − NTA- she lives there less than half time why should she get the better room? She gets two rooms basically and he only has one.

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Squinky75 − <

cheesypotoooooooos − NTA. You made the right and most logical choice. Your daughter was obviously way off base with the whole sexism thing, and also the favouritism, since this was the best and most practical arrangement.

HOWEVER, the feeling of being the least favourite doesn’t occur (generally) just because of one occasion. It’s something underlying and constant that’s bothering her. Now, I’m not saying you’re being unfair or that you have a favourite child, but she’s feeling that way for some reason.

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I don’t know why. But I guess having split living arrangements could add to that, since it could feel like you’re an outsider or an afterthought in both situations. Again, I’m not saying this is necessarily the case here but she is (probably) feeling that way.

Also she’s a teenager, and generally, they draw weird conclusions. They usually have a fairly decent understanding of the world and life, but lack the experience to put it into context for their own situations. Also, there’s a lot of feelings going on and that leads to big reactions to things that shouldn’t really have warranted it. But that’s natural. It’s just how teenagers are.

Are there instances where her brother is more.. I don’t want to say appreciated or favoured but does he get more attention? Does he take up more of your time so it takes away from “her” time and attention from you? That’s what happened to me and my brother.

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My parents were trying to be fair, they didn’t have a favourite, but my brother took up more space, he was louder, he took up most of their time and patience and attention, he always had the bigger room, and as a result I felt it was favouritism. I felt it was unfair and that I was unloved.

I know now it wasn’t, but those feelings were still there. Just something to think about or pay attention to because it sounds to me like this kind of was the straw that broke the camel’s back (even if it was an unjustified conclusion of her to make in this instance),

but if it’s definitely not the case, then feel free to just ignore this. But again, it’s the right move to give the brother the bigger room, and as some people have suggested, also a good idea to make the room nicer for her (which you said you planned on, so that’s great).

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These Redditors mostly backed the dad’s logic but urged him to address his daughter’s feelings. Some saw her reaction as typical teen angst; others warned of deeper emotional disconnect. But do these opinions capture the full family dynamic, or are they just fanning the flames?

This tale of a bedroom split shows how parenting choices can ignite unexpected emotional fires. The dad’s practical decision clashed with his daughter’s sense of fairness, raising questions about balancing logic with love in blended families. How would you handle a teen’s accusations of favoritism over a practical choice? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s keep the conversation going!

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