AITA for giving myself wacky haircuts rather than donate my hair before I lose it all to chemotherapy?

In a cozy coffee shop, the air buzzes with the hum of conversation and the clink of mugs, but one table holds a heavier topic. A young person in their mid-20s, facing a daunting stem cell transplant and chemotherapy, shares their plan to embrace hair loss with flair: a series of wild haircuts—pink bangs, a mullet, a buzzed mohawk—before going bald. It’s a bold bid to reclaim control and inject joy into a tough journey.

Yet, a friend’s objection casts a shadow. She insists the hair, long enough for donation, should go to wig-making charities for cancer patients, sparking a heated debate about self-care versus selflessness. This Reddit tale from the AITA forum captures a poignant moment of defiance and vulnerability, leaving readers to ponder: is it selfish to prioritize personal joy in the face of illness?

‘AITA for giving myself wacky haircuts rather than donate my hair before I lose it all to chemotherapy?’

I (Mid 20s) am getting a Stem Cell Transplant next month. As part of that, I will receive radiation and chemo therapy. I will lose all of my hair, or enough of it that I'd want to shave the rest off anyway. I've decided to give myself a bunch of wacky hair cuts in advance of the actual date.

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My hair is shoulder length, around 9 inches. I'm starting with pink bangs, moving to a bowl cut, mullet, rat tail, The Macklemore, buzzed mohawk and then finally BALD. I'm looking forward to this project, because it feels like I'm making the best of this chemo and stem cell transplant thing, which will be pretty f**king difficult.

I was talking with a few friends yesterday about my plans, and one of them pipes up saying that it would better if I donated all of it to a place that makes wigs. You know the places, they make wigs for cancer survivors or other medically bald people, the ranks of whom I will soon be joining.

She told me that because I'm relying on donors myself (stem cell donors) its a moral imperative for me to pay it forward. I told her that I understand it would be helpful, but I want to do these haircuts for myself to keep me sane. She came back with 'I am glad that other people are more civically minded than you are,' and she's been sending me links to different hair donor sites yesterday and today.

I might be TA because yeah, I certainly could donate my hair, it is long enough for certain donation places, and it might be selfish of me to have it 'go to waste' so to speak.. AITA for giving myself wacky haircuts rather than donate my hair before I lose it all to chemotherapy?.

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EDIT: A few typos. EDIT 2: A lot of y'all have pointed out that I should tell my friend to donate her hair. I would, except she has a pixie cut so no dice there :/ Plus, I generally try not to tell people what they should or shouldn't do with their bodies.

 EDIT 3: Thanks everyone for the well wishes and messages of encouragement! I've got a good group of docs and family to support me in the coming months, this interaction was just nagging at me. I'm not even going to check if my hair is long enough to donate, because I've got a date with some scissors and hair dye!

EDIT 4: Last one, I promise. I love this community dearly, and your comments have really made me fell good about myself and my journey, and have gotten me teary-eyed. To all those who are donating hair on my behalf, thank you dearly! And if you see a person walking down the street with a neon green mullet and a goofy grin, give em a nice wave!

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Facing hair loss from chemotherapy is a deeply personal challenge, and this user’s plan to embrace it with wacky haircuts is a bold act of agency. As psychologist Dr. Julie Blackman notes, “Hair loss can feel like losing part of your identity, especially for women. Finding ways to reclaim control can be therapeutic” . The user’s friend, however, sees donation as a moral duty, highlighting a clash between individual coping and communal good.

Hair donation is noble—over 80% of wigs for cancer patients come from donated hair, per Locks of Love—but it’s not mandatory. The friend’s insistence risks shaming the user during a vulnerable time. The user’s choice reflects a broader need for self-expression amid medical trauma, a common coping mechanism.

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Advice: The user should communicate their need for emotional support, perhaps suggesting their friend donate time or resources instead. Seeking a therapist specializing in chronic illness could also bolster resilience during treatment.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s got opinions hotter than a neon mullet under stage lights! Here’s what the community had to say, with support and sass in equal measure:

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jlcl119 − NTA - wtf is wrong with your friend? Those hair donations are great when they're legitimate and your friend suggesting it was fine, but there's zero wrong with wanting to have a good time with your hair while you can.. If she's so concerned, she's free to donate her own hair.

MorallyApplicable − NTA. You’re going through a really difficult medical journey, and losing your hair because of it. Psychologically, our hair is really tied to our identities as women, and losing it can have really negative effects on our psyche.

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How you choose to embrace that is entirely up to you, and if you want to get cool, funky haircuts to transition that is entirely your choice and any friend of yours should be supportive. Your friend is a huge AH for trying to guilt trip you into making this transition harder on yourself,

and then trying to force you into it after you didn’t respond to her guilting without the response she wanted. She’s never experienced what you’re experiencing, who tf does she think she is to pass judgement rather than supporting you? Also, your hair has to be at LEAST 8-10 inches, and virgin, for every hair donation I’ve ever heard of.

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Wikidess − NTA She came back with 'I am glad that other people are more civically minded than you are,' and she's been sending me links to different hair donor sites yesterday and today. I'd have some choice words for this 'friend' of yours, but due to the 'Be civil' rule, I'll keep them to myself.. The f**king AUDACITY...

Cables_For_Days − 1) tell her to f**k off 2) most donation places want 10'+ in donations ATM so she's talking shite. I speak from having done mine in the summer.. Enjoy your mad hair

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UnrivaledSuperHootie − NTA Seriously ask her to donate her hair in your honor. In fact, if that's the way she feels, she should be donating her hair for the rest of her life. The point of hair donation is to make someone (presumably a patient with a serious illness like cancer) feel better.

You are making someone feel better. You donating your hair might make one person happy, but your plans to have your fun style will definitely make one person happy.. There is nothing selfish about this. This person is not a good friend.

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e1777 − NTA. It's your hair, your decision. Tell her to donate her own hair if she's so stressed about it.

[Reddit User] − NTA.. Also, your friend should realize that the hair has to be at least 12 inches long for donation. Also, a lot of places are not using real hair anymore and using synthetic hair instead. The hair donation program where I live got scrapped because of that.. Also, you may as well have fun with your hair due to your treatments.. Hope you get well quickly!

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Pink_Giraf − NTA - I think your friends is a bit insensitive. This might actually be incredible therapy for you, your taking a situation that sucks, lets be honest about it, and your turning it in to your experience, your taking control of it and your doing everything with your hare that everyone wants to try, but are to afraid of.

You’re taking a situation where most people feel afraid, and powerless and your taking control over it. I think your plans absolutely awesome and to be fair if not now when would you ever do any of those things to your hair?

wolfeyes555 − NTA. Your about to go through chemo. I think you're allowed to have some fun before that. Your friend needs to mind their business. If she cares so much, tell her to donate hair.

KatJen76 − NTA your friend needs to mind her own business. These places get plenty of donations. They may not be able to use your hair anyway. Your project sounds like fun, and it will help you cope. Enjoy!

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These takes are Reddit gold, but do they truly balance self-care and societal expectations?

This heartfelt saga shows how a quirky haircut plan can become a battleground for personal choice versus perceived duty. The user’s defiance is a beacon of strength, but their friend’s push for donation raises questions about empathy and expectations. How do you balance self-care with giving back, especially under pressure? If you were facing a similar journey, what would you do with your hair? Share your thoughts below!

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