AITA for giving my sister up for adoption?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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A quiet house, once filled with laughter, now echoes with the cries of an infant and the weight of impossible choices. A 25-year-old, freshly orphaned by the loss of their adoptive parents, stands at a crossroads, clutching dreams of freedom while facing an unexpected role: parenthood. The Reddit user’s story tugs at the heart, blending grief with moral ambiguity. Their family’s accusations of selfishness sting, yet the decision to place their infant sister for adoption sparks a debate that resonates deeply. Can personal dreams outweigh familial duty, or is this a betrayal of love?

The young adult’s choice isn’t made lightly. Haunted by their parents’ deaths—one from cancer, the other from childbirth—they navigate a storm of guilt and practicality. Readers are drawn into this emotional tug-of-war, wondering: what’s the right call when life hands you a baby you didn’t choose? The story unfolds with raw honesty, inviting us to explore the delicate balance of self-preservation and sacrifice.

‘AITA for giving my sister up for adoption?’

I was adopted when I was 5 years old by a couple who were 28 and 30 at the time. They had no other children. This past year, two things happened. My adoptive father was diagnosed with cancer, and my adoptive mother got pregnant for the first time in decades.

My adoptive mother always thought she was infertile, but apparently her 'miracle' had arrived. She carried on with her pregnancy despite his cancer and her age. She died in childbirth, and my adoptive father followed her two months later.

Which left me with an infant baby sister and two dead parents. My family is telling me that this is my duty, that I'm not a child or incapable, and of course they're not offering to take her in at all. They've all vehemently refused. Everyone is furious that I 'used' my adoptive parents' resources, and now that it's time to reciprocate I'm 'taking the easy way out'.

They say I'm the right age to have a child anyway, and that it's just like if I had s** and gave birth to her. They've even brought up my fertility reducing medical conditions, and say this is my chance. This isn't my child. I'm not ready to be a parent. I have graduated college, yes, but I still had dreams.

I'm not in a financial, emotional, or mental place to raise a child, even if I kept every penny of the meager inheritance. I'm still single, and I want to be able to date and maybe even marry and have my own family one day. I'll never be able to do anything with this child anchoring me down. I consulted with lawyers, and they say I have the right to give this child up for adoption.

I'm using an adoption agency. It's an unusual adoption because I'm not attached or related to the child except legally, and I'm also splitting the inheritance 50/50 with my sister and giving it to the adoptive parents for her benefit, so they're gaining money by adopting this child. I picked a couple that my adoptive parents would have approved of, a mid 30s straight religious couple, as opposed to a 25 year old bisexual atheist (me).

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We've planned for an open adoption with a much more appropriate aunt role for me, and I think it will work out because I obviously don't feel or have a motherly bond. My family is furious and I'm getting 24/7 calls that I'm selfish, that they'll force me to keep her, and all sorts of empty threats. Am I in the wrong here? 

This Reddit tale is a gut-punch, highlighting the clash between personal readiness and unexpected responsibility. The OP’s decision to choose adoption over raising their sister reveals a stark truth: not everyone is equipped to parent, and that’s okay. Their family’s outrage, framing adoption as abandonment, oversimplifies a complex choice. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned psychologist, notes, “Emotional resilience requires acknowledging your limits and seeking support”. The OP’s self-awareness reflects this, prioritizing the child’s stability over societal expectations.

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The OP’s situation mirrors broader issues of familial obligation. Studies show 1 in 5 young adults face caregiving pressures (Pew Research), often clashing with personal goals. The family’s claim that the OP “owes” this duty due to their adoption is a flawed narrative, ignoring the emotional and financial toll. By choosing a vetted couple and an open adoption, the OP ensures their sister’s care while preserving their own future.

Dr. Gottman’s insight applies here: recognizing limits isn’t selfishness—it’s clarity. The OP’s plan for an aunt-like role shows care, not coldness. Still, the inheritance split raises concerns; a trust, as suggested online, might better secure the child’s future. The OP could explore legal safeguards to ensure the funds benefit their sister long-term, balancing generosity with prudence.

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For those in similar binds, experts suggest open communication and professional guidance. Adoption agencies or counselors can mediate family tensions, offering clarity. The OP’s choice, though painful, prioritizes the child’s needs over guilt-driven duty, a lesson in courageous honesty.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit’s hive mind didn’t hold back, dishing out candid takes with a side of humor. Here’s what the community had to say:

Tot-Beats − NTA. Your family has a very twisted view of adoption. Here’s the thing. You became your parent’s child and responsibility the day they signed those adoption papers. You are not a charity case.

You also have a choice to raise this child, just like you would have the choice if you had given birth to her yourself. You’ve chosen to give her a life you are not prepared to provide yourself through adoption.. Edit: Thanks for the silver and awards kind redditors!

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[Reddit User] − I guess you’re NTA, but this. “I'm also splitting the inheritance 50/50 with my sister and giving it to the adoptive parents for her benefit, so they're gaining money by adopting this child.” sounds like a terrible idea. Put it into a trust or something. You don’t know these people, they can say they will save it for her and then not actually do it. The way you phrase it “they’re gaining money by adopting this child” is really weird.

Pelageia − Morally, NTA. You do not have the means to take care of this child, and I am not only talking about finances here but the mental means as well. You recognize this and act accordingly by providing this child a stable, good family that wants to love and raise the child, and on top of that, the adoption is open allowing to stay in contact and being an aunt. I think you're choosing the option that is the best available option for all parties.

CatsCatsKittensCats − Nta. You are doing what is best for your sister. If are not abandoning her....you have found a good couple to adopt her, while you are still able to maintain contact.

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ScienceNotKids − Did your parents talk at all about this before? Your mom was around 50, she was going to raise this kid herself? Then when she died, your dad what. Just figured it'd somehow work out? Did anyone ever have a plan?

Not that any of this matters for the judgement. You are NTA. You don't have a responsibility to this kid. Anyone saying you do because you were adopted has only ever seen you as 'an adopted kid', not family. So don't see them as family either.

motherofplantkillers − NTA, you shouldn't be forced to raise a child you didn't vehemently agree to. I'm glad you'll still be in her life but you aren't obligated to be a parent.

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[Reddit User] − NTA This is a heartbreaking situation for you to be in, but you aren't ready to be a parent and the rest of your family has no say in it. They refused to take your sister in when they had the chance. It's great that you've been able to find a nice family and it's great that you still want to be in your sister's life as an aunt. I hope everything works out well for you.

[Reddit User] − NTA.. if your family feels that strongly, they should step up. Sounds like you're doing the best thing for your sister.

[Reddit User] − You're NTA, but I still think this is s**tty. A baby that comes with a cash is a magnet for vultures. Did you ask if any family members want to adopt?. I don't think you're religion or sexuality is important. I know a lot of bad Christians and good atheists.

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Ishamael_cr − ESH but you're doing exactly the right thing. I agree with most people that your relatives calling you out just because you're adopted are AHs. But reading your original post, and even more reading your comments,

you keep referring to your sister like she's this random baby someone dropped on you. She's not, she's your sister and your inmediate family. I'm glad you're giving her out to loving parents because you sound really cold towards your closest living relative.

These Reddit hot takes range from supportive to skeptical, but do they capture the full picture? The internet’s quick to judge, yet real life demands nuance.

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The OP’s story leaves us pondering the blurry line between duty and desire. Their choice to prioritize their sister’s stability over family pressure sparks a universal question: where does personal freedom end and responsibility begin? By choosing adoption, they’ve carved a path for both their sister’s future and their own dreams. What would you do if life dropped an impossible choice in your lap? Share your thoughts—have you faced a similar dilemma, and how did you decide?

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