AITA for giving my sister a Carter’s gift card when she asked for money?

In a cozy suburban home, a young woman’s phone buzzes with a plea that tugs at her heartstrings. Her younger sister, barely out of her teens, is struggling to provide for her toddler daughter, Evie. The request? A hefty $300 for new clothes. But when generosity meets suspicion, the situation spirals into a family feud that’s as messy as a toddler’s spaghetti dinner. The 26-year-old sister, caught between love for her niece and doubts about her sister’s intentions, makes a choice that lights a fuse.

This Reddit saga unfolds with raw emotion, pulling readers into a world of sibling tension and tough choices. The original poster (OP) navigates a delicate balance, trying to support her niece while questioning her sister’s financial habits. It’s a story that resonates with anyone who’s ever faced family drama, making us wonder: where do you draw the line between help and trust?

‘AITA for giving my sister a Carter’s gift card when she asked for money?’

The stage is set: a 19-year-old single mom, juggling parenthood and independence, reaches out to her older sister for help. The Reddit post lays bare the conflict, revealing a tangle of family dynamics and tough love. Here’s the story in the OP’s own words:

My sister (19f) has a daughter, Evie (3f). My sister moved out of our parents' house with Evie a few months ago because she felt that our parents' rules were too strict (no drinking, no drugs, no boyfriends over when Evie's home, and a midnight curfew) and she's struggling to make ends meet.

Our parents give her a few hundred dollars a month and she gets child support from Evie's dad and she has a job but it's not enough some months. She also has a habit of spending money that was meant for Evie on herself. Last week she called me (26f) and said she needed $300 because Evie had grown out of her clothes.

I know kids are expensive but $300 for clothes for a 3 year old is kind of ridiculous. I offered to take Evie shopping but she said no and asked me to send her the money so I went to Carter's and The Children’s Place, got her a $50 gift card to each, and sent it to her. In my opinion, that is more than enough for clothes for a 3 year old.

We don't live in a particularly cold or rainy area either so it's not like she has to buy puffy jackets, snow pants, snow shoes, raincoats, or rain boots, which I know can be expensive. A couple short sleeve shirts, some hoodies, jeans, and a pair of sneakers are fine. She called me and asked why I sent gift cards.

I said there's enough money to get Evie some clothes and she lost it. She started yelling at me for sending gift cards instead of Venmo-ing her some money and for not trusting her to spend the money on Evie.

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My parents are on my wide but they think I should've said something like I can't afford to send her the money and let them take care of it. My sister won't speak to me and doesn't want me to see Evie so I wanted to know if I was the a**hole.

This family spat is a classic case of good intentions clashing with shaky trust. The OP’s decision to send gift cards instead of cash speaks volumes about her concern for her niece’s well-being. But was it the right move? Let’s unpack this with some expert insight.

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Dr. Jane Greer, a relationship expert and author, notes in a Psychology Today article, “When trust is broken in family relationships, it’s often because of unspoken expectations or mismatched priorities” (Source). Here, the OP’s suspicion stems from her sister’s history of misusing funds meant for Evie. By choosing gift cards, the OP ensures the money benefits her niece, but her sister’s explosive reaction suggests deeper issues—perhaps a need for control or unaddressed financial stress.

This situation reflects a broader issue: financial boundaries in families. A 2021 study by the National Financial Educators Council found that 65% of Gen Z adults struggle with financial independence, often leaning on family for support (Source). The sister’s reliance on her parents and the OP highlights this trend, but her spending habits raise red flags about responsibility.

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What’s the solution? Dr. Greer suggests open communication: “Set clear boundaries and explain your intentions calmly.” The OP could have discussed her concerns before sending gift cards, potentially easing tensions. Moving forward, she might offer to shop with her sister for Evie’s clothes, blending support with oversight.

Check out how the community responded:

The Reddit community didn’t hold back, serving up opinions as spicy as a family reunion potluck. Here are some of their hot takes, straight from the thread:

boog2021 − NTA and do keep checking up on your niece bc it sounds like you sister might not be doing the best job taking care of her.

ghostcraft33 − NTA. She was clearly gonna use the money for something else if she got so mad you sent gift cards. If she actually was buying clothes for her daughter she wouldn't have even mentioned it.

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WholeAd2742 − NTA.. You're not actually responsible for her or her kid. You made a nice gesture by providing a gift card.. If she's ungrateful, that's her problem.

Klaymen96 − NTA. She already set the precedent that she might not spend the money on the daughter.. Also how are those very strick rules...

navanni − I don't know what she intended to spend $300 on, but it wasn't clothes for her daughter. Sending gift cards was a perfect solution.. NTA.

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Evoerick − NTA. You knew that money wasn't for your niece. Kudos on seeing right through the ploy and giving your sister money that can only be used for her daughter. You have nothing to be ashamed about and you were beyond generous. I hope your sis comes around and realizes how insufferable she's being. But then again, a child is raising another child. 19 is young, but she will need to grow up fast.

Veauros − Rule no. 1: if you want to help an addict (or other irresponsible person), you NEVER give them cash. Pay their rent, buy them gift cards, drop off groceries, but don’t give straight cash.. NTA. Keep an eye on Evie.

[Reddit User] − NTA. The fact that she reacted the way she did to a very generous gift tells you everything you need to know.

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lowcarb73 − Nta. She wants money for partying.

snksleepy − Parent's rules: no drinking, no drugs.. Rules are there for a reason.. Also she has been known to spend money ment for Evie on herself.. Guilt trips you and refuses visitation to see niece.. NTA. Sister definitely cannot be trusted.

These Reddit gems are candid, but do they capture the full picture? The consensus leans heavily toward the OP, but real life is rarely so clear-cut.

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This tale of gift cards and grudges reminds us how quickly family ties can tangle. The OP’s heart was in the right place, but her sister’s reaction shows trust is a two-way street. What would you do if you were caught between helping a loved one and doubting their intentions? Share your thoughts, experiences, or advice in the comments—let’s keep this conversation going!

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