AITA for giving my ring back after my fiancé made a comment to his guy friends regarding why we haven’t gotten married?
When lifelong promises become clouded by mixed messages, even the smallest comments can expose deep-seated fears about commitment. In this story, a woman recounts how her seemingly offhand remark by her fiancé—made among his guy friends—revealed his reluctance to fully commit to marriage.
Despite being together for eight years and engaged for four, his casual talk about “dragging his feet” and the need to weigh the pros and cons of marriage cut deep. What began as playful locker-room banter quickly became a defining moment. In a quiet yet powerful response, she returned his ring, signaling that her hopes for a genuine commitment couldn’t be put on hold any longer.
‘AITA for giving my ring back after my fiancé made a comment to his guy friends regarding why we haven’t gotten married?’
Dr. Lisa Nguyen, a relationship therapist with over 20 years of experience in long-term commitment issues, explains that when one partner frequently postpones or dismisses the idea of marriage, it often signals deeper emotional ambivalence. “Casual remarks, especially those made in a group setting, can reveal underlying fears that the individual may not even fully acknowledge to themselves,” she explains.
“When your fiancé laughs off the idea of marriage as just another obstacle or a ‘trap,’ it shows that he might be avoiding the deeper emotional commitment that marriage represents.” Dr. Nguyen emphasizes that returning a ring in such circumstances is a powerful act of self-respect. “This isn’t just about a piece of jewelry—it’s about what that ring symbolizes: trust, commitment, and mutual respect. By handing it back, you’re setting a clear boundary and refusing to accept a relationship built on uncertainty,” she notes.
She also points out that prolonged engagements can sometimes create a comfortable limbo where one partner’s hesitancy becomes normalized. “In any healthy relationship, both partners should be equally excited about their future together.
If one person views marriage as a burden, it can lead to long-term resentment and imbalance. It’s vital to address these issues early before they evolve into deeper emotional disconnects.” Dr. Nguyen concludes, “Ultimately, you deserve a partner who not only shares your vision of commitment but actively works toward it with you.”
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
The responses on Reddit were overwhelmingly sympathetic toward the storyteller. Many commenters agreed that after an eight-year relationship and a four-year engagement, any hesitance to embrace marriage—especially when casually joked about among friends—is a major red flag.
The community praised her for drawing a clear boundary and for not allowing empty promises to sustain her hopes. Several voices urged her not to settle for a partner who treats marriage as a mere inconvenience, emphasizing that long-term commitment requires genuine enthusiasm and mutual respect. Overall, the consensus was that she acted in her best interest, protecting herself from a future of indecision and half-hearted commitment.
This story forces us to ask: What does true commitment look like when words and actions don’t align? The storyteller’s decision to return the ring was not an impulsive reaction but a measured stand against uncertainty. By refusing to allow vague promises to cloud her future, she set an important precedent for what she expects in a lifelong partnership.
What are your thoughts? If you’ve experienced mixed messages in a long-term relationship, how did you handle it? Share your insights and join the conversation—let’s discuss what true commitment means to you.
