AITA for giving my mother an ultimatum to choose which child she wants to live with her?
In a cramped home filled with the hum of medical equipment, a daughter’s devotion to her sick mother is tested by a familiar foe: her brother’s chaos. She moved in to help, but his arrival turned her caregiving into a thankless grind—piles of laundry, unpaid bills, and a trashed house. When she snapped, demanding he leave or she would, her mother’s tears and accusations of cruelty left her reeling. Was her ultimatum a stand for sanity or a heartless move?
This Reddit story dives into the messy heart of family loyalty, where love for a parent collides with resentment for a sibling. It’s a tale of boundaries, betrayal, and the weight of caregiving. Is she wrong to draw a line in the sand? Let’s unpack this emotional tug-of-war and see where the fault lies.
‘AITA for giving my mother an ultimatum to choose which child she wants to live with her?’
Caregiving for a sick parent is tough enough without a sibling turning the house into a battleground. This daughter’s ultimatum—her or her brother—stems from exhaustion and a sense of betrayal, as her mother enables his irresponsibility. Dr. Pauline Boss, an expert on family stress, notes, “Ambiguous loss, like a parent’s favoritism, can leave caregivers feeling invisible and overburdened” (PaulineBoss.com). The brother’s failure to contribute, paired with the mother’s cover-ups, amplifies this strain.
The daughter’s perspective is clear: she’s carrying the household while her brother freeloads, echoing childhood patterns of bullying and enablement. Her mother, torn by illness and loyalty, prioritizes emotional ties to her son over practicality. A 2022 AARP study found 53% of family caregivers face financial strain, often alone (AARP). The brother’s inaction—ignoring chores and finances—makes the daughter’s role unsustainable.
Dr. Boss suggests setting “clear, non-negotiable boundaries” to manage family conflict. The daughter could propose a timeline for her brother to contribute or leave, while reassuring her mother of continued support with appointments. Therapy, as she’s planned, could help process resentment.
Check out how the community responded:
Reddit users didn’t hold back, serving up a mix of empathy and fiery support for the daughter’s stand. Here’s what they had to say:
![[Reddit User] − NTA.. “They joke about it.” Read what you wrote. She thinks it’s funny that he treats you like s**t and has gone back on his word, and she’s 100% okay with that.. Let them joke about it when no one is there to pick up the slack.](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/301719Y-09.png)
From urging her to move out to calling out her mother’s favoritism, Reddit’s takes are as blunt as a slammed door. Some see her ultimatum as a necessary boundary, others a long-overdue escape. Do these comments capture the weight of her sacrifice, or do they oversimplify a tangled family mess?
This story of a daughter’s ultimatum lays bare the pain of caregiving under pressure. Her brother’s chaos and her mother’s enablement pushed her to a breaking point, but was “him or me” too harsh? It’s a raw look at where love, duty, and self-preservation collide. Should she stay, fighting for her mother, or walk away to save herself? Share your thoughts—what would you do if family loyalty meant sacrificing your sanity? How do you set boundaries when everyone’s hurting?
