AITA for giving my mom an ultimatum: she either gets on board or opts out?

Picture a young man, barely 22, cradling an 18-month-old girl—his adopted daughter—in a quiet apartment, determination blazing in his eyes. He’s not just a dad by choice; he’s a hero rewriting a child’s future, defying the odds after her birth mother’s neglect. But storm clouds loom: his parents, especially his mom, cast skeptical glances, their unspoken doubts heavier than a med school textbook. Subtle jabs about his twin brother’s “better” path sting like paper cuts, piling on the pressure.

This guy’s juggling love, diapers, and MCAT prep—yet his mom’s hints make him feel like he’s bet the farm and lost. Fed up, he laid down the law: get on board or step aside. Readers, can you feel the weight of his resolve, the ache of a family fraying at the edges? Buckle up as we dive into this heartfelt saga of loyalty, tough calls, and a dad’s unwavering grit.

‘AITA for giving my mom an ultimatum: she either gets on board or opts out?’

I (22M) adopted my daughter (18mo) a few months after she was born since her birth mother (my ex-friend) basically neglected her and I *wanted* to give her a chance at a better life. I don’t have everything figured out but my parents’ attitude toward the entire situation hasn’t been helpful either.

They’ve never explicitly stated their opinions, but I know they think I basically threw away my life for my daughter. That’s not even the case though, I kept up with schooling and I’m taking the MCAT in a few weeks. My mom makes consistent comments about what my (twin) brother has done and how he has a gf and living his life to try and make me feel like I made a f**king mistake.

I got kinda fed up with everything and told her that she can either accept the situation and get on board or just opt out—she doesn’t have to “play” grandma to her if she doesn’t want to but she just thinks I’m overreacting and she’s “thinking of the best” for me..

Edit: just going to address some things**. 1) this post isn’t about whether I should go to med school or not. It’s not my only option. Taking the test doesn’t mean I have to go. 2) yes I have a childcare plan and I’m capable of taking care of her. I have support outside of family. I have friends who are parents and I did think about this decision.. 3) I decided to become a parent—stop debating that. Thank you..

Edit 2: 4. I never said that being a parent is easy. It’s not. It’s f**king hard but never have I regretted my decision. I love my daughter and I don’t expect to my life to go exactly as planned. Kindly stop debating/questioning my choices or intentions because it’s not relevant and this isn’t a debate sub.

Edit 3: not sure how many times I have to say this but this is not the place for you to debate my choices or my intentions when going about adopting her. I made a decision (which was NOT made lightly). I chose to be a parent and I am capable of doing this.**

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Raising a child solo at 22 while eyeing med school? It’s a high-wire act, and this young dad’s balancing love and ambition with grit. His ultimatum to his mom—accept my daughter or step back—stems from frustration, a cry for support amid judgment. Mom’s subtle digs, cloaked as “thinking of the best,” hint at concern but land like criticism, widening the rift. Both sides ache: he craves acceptance; she fears he’s in over his head.

This clash mirrors a broader dance—family expectations versus personal choice. A 2023 Pew Research study notes 40% of young adults feel parental pressure shapes big life decisions (Pew Research, 2023,). Enter Dr. John Gottman, renowned relationship expert: “Support doesn’t mean agreement—it’s about validating someone’s feelings even if you see risks” (The Gottman Institute). Here, Mom’s worry might be love in disguise, but her delivery fuels doubt instead of dialogue.

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Gottman’s lens suggests the son’s ultimatum, while sharp, protects his daughter’s place in his life. Mom’s hesitation could ease with open talk—why not ask what “best” means to her? For him, lean on friends, explore daycare grants (check childcare.gov for options), and pace med school dreams. A neutral chat, maybe over coffee, could bridge this gap—less ultimatum, more understanding.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit crew—candid, quirky, and a little spicy! They’ve weighed in on this dad’s bold stand, and the vibes range from fist-bumps to raised eyebrows. Check out the buzz:

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[Reddit User] − NTA It's a done deal. You're an adult and made your decision. Which is different than your brothers. Like you said, get on board or opt out.

paradox_jinx − NTA. I have kids. I get it. Your parents get on board or they gtfo.. I don’t care if it’s your biological kid, adopted or grown in a lab. That’s your kid. Period.

Stoat__King − NTA. Its sounds like her version of “thinking of the best” for you is to put you down, make you regret your decision and 'unadopt' your baby. Classy!

MaccysPeas − INFO: what legal process did you go through for the adoption? Or is is not legal and just a voluntary thing for now? Reason I’m asking is when a social worker assessed a person for adoption, especially a single person the most important thing they look at is the parents support system so they should have spoken to your mom and brother in which case they should have made their opinions quite clear.

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Especially with a busy med school schedule they must have questioned how you planned to provide childcare? If this is just a voluntary thing for now and you haven’t got that far I’d start prepping for how you are going to answer these questions. Don’t go through a private adoption agency if you haven’t already, most of them are nothing more than baby brokers.

FairieWarrior − I might get downvoted, but I am going to say NAH. It’s good that you want to give this baby a better chance at life, but are you sure it’s with you? You are 22 and about to enter med school, which exhausts you mentally, physically, and financially along with being a single parent.

You even said that you don’t have everything figured out, which is not a good situation to be putting a baby in. You should have had a figured out game plan when it comes to parenting. Your mom may just not want you to have unnecessary stress. And you said you are stressed already, what’s going to happen with med school?

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theshadowppl9 − NTA You are an amazing person for doing that. Wish there were more like you out there. You give that baby the life she deserves. You will be a great father.

taylferr − You’re naive to think that you’ll manage med school and a child too young for school. Most med students have to take out extra in loans to cover their living expenses because there isn’t enough time for a job and that’s usually around $200,000 min, assuming you don’t have a lot of loans from undergrad.

Who’s going to watch the child? Daycare is super expensive and not many fresh college grads are up to babysitting for free. Not to be harsh, but it doesn’t sound as if you really thought about what adopting a child meant in the long-run.

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Soulessnight − NTA hope you give the girl a good home, good luck

almostbogan − What adoption agency/social work is going to let a 22 single guy adopted a baby? This sounds made up

[Reddit User] − NTA. But where do you live that a single 22 years old male can adopt so easily?

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These are popular opinions on Reddit, but do they really reflect reality? One user cheers him on like he’s a superhero, while another wonders if med school and diapers mix like oil and water. Hilarious, heartfelt, or off-base—what’s your take?

This tale of a young dad, his tiny daughter, and a mom on the fence leaves us cheering and pondering. He’s all in—loving, striving, and standing tall against doubt—yet family tension lingers like a cliffhanger. With grit and a little help, he’s carving a path, but the ultimatum’s echo begs for resolution. Readers, what would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Would you draw a line or bridge the gap? Drop your thoughts, feelings, or stories below—let’s chat and unravel this family knot together!

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