AITA for giving my daughter her child support directly?

Jonathan Hours
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In a bustling mall, a 15-year-old girl shops for sneakers with her friends, her wallet stuffed with child support cash her dad hands over each month. This single father’s choice to let his daughter manage the funds—meant for her needs—feels like a win for her independence, until his ex-wife catches wind and blows a fuse.

Her outrage ignites a family feud, with friends split on whether he’s empowering his daughter or overstepping bounds. This tale of trust, money, and post-divorce parenting hooks readers: is he teaching responsibility or stirring up trouble?

‘AITA for giving my daughter her child support directly?’

My ex-wife left when my daughter was 3 years old. She hasn’t really been around since. She does occasional visits, but doesn’t show up for most of them. When she left, she was told she had to pay child support. I didn’t need it to get by, but it was a nice supplement to the income and to help make sure that my daughter had everything she needed/wanted.

Now, my daughter is 15 years old. Last year, I started giving her the child support directly, so she could buy her own clothes, shoes or whatever she wanted. I still buy groceries, pay bills, her school tuition (she goes private), etc. but she goes to the mall and stores without me, typically with her friends-too cool to be with her dad these days.

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To me, it was like giving her an allowance. She’s a responsible girl, and she doesn’t go crazy. She’s even putting some of it away for a car when she’s old enough. My ex found out recently what I was doing. I guess my daughter told her or something.

She’s mad and says that it’s something that she pays me. I say, what does it matter, so long as she gets the money? I was telling my friends, and they were pretty split. Some feel I shouldn’t have given it to my daughter directly.. AITA here?. ​ Edit: There seems to be some confusion. I am the one receiving child support. My ex pays it to me, she does not receive it.

This dispute over child support highlights the delicate balance of co-parenting after divorce. The father’s decision to give his daughter the funds directly fosters her autonomy, but his ex-wife’s anger suggests a perceived loss of control. Her sporadic involvement adds tension, as the money becomes a proxy for unresolved issues.

Family therapist Dr. Susan Heitler notes, “Child support is for the child’s benefit, but how it’s managed can reflect deeper co-parenting dynamics” (source: Psychology Today). The father’s approach, treating the money as an allowance, empowers his daughter but bypasses consultation with her mother, fueling conflict.

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This ties to broader trends in financial parenting. A 2023 study by the Financial Literacy Institute found 60% of teens benefit from early money management but need guidance to avoid overspending. The daughter’s responsible saving suggests success, yet oversight is key.

The father could ease tensions by discussing the arrangement with his ex, ensuring transparency. Financial literacy lessons could further guide his daughter.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit’s users jumped in with fiery takes, weighing in on this parenting move with gusto. Here’s their unfiltered pulse:

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OneMillionSnakes - NTA - No it's yours once she gives it to you and if it's meant for your daughter just giving it to her seems completely sensible.

Virulencer - NTA. If the money is meant for her then why shouldn't she get it?

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acidvomit - NTA. Your ex wife should be happy that all the money she pays you goes to her daughter. Did she want you to spend it on yourself?

Ichabod-Inkathu - NTA It's called child support for a reason. It's there for buying your kid clothes, shoes, stuff for school, the occasional pizza... It makes one big difference though. She learns how to handle money early aswell as she gets to pick what she wants to wear for example.

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[Reddit User] - NTA. I question the decision to give someone that young a significant amount of money for a myriad of reasons, but it doesn’t make you an a**hole and it’s none of your ex’s business. I was a “responsible girl” too. Not to frighten you or anything, but I was just reeeeally good at hiding the irresponsible/dangerous s**t I was doing. And I was doing so with very little money.

It could be a really good opportunity to spend time teaching her about saving and investing. You could help her decide on a reasonable shopping budget, give her that, and help her manage the rest so she can more comfortably support herself as a young adult.. Yeah, it’s important to give her some trust and freedom, but that shouldn’t just be unlimited.

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shadywhere - NTA, but you're teaching her some false truths about money that might hurt her when she's older. Child support is for the support of the child, and you can use it to support her by buying groceries, filling up gas in your car, paying the rent/mortgage, etc. You can give it to her directly.

But if you don't 'need' it, it might be better to put it in a fund for her when she's older or more responsible.. edit: Saw some other comment responses about how you are teaching her budgeting and such. I am in full agreement with you. Well done.

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MedicineManfromWWII - NTA. At first I thought this was the other-way round and you were paying the daughter directly and bypassing the wife. But there's absolutely nothing wrong with giving her the child support to spend as she wishes; it's like an allowance. I'm confused as to why half of your friends think it's inappropriate. That leads me to believe there's more nuance to this story than indicated in the OP.

desquished - NTA. Just tell her that you're not giving your daughter the child support money. You're keeping that money, and giving your daughter a coincidentally-identical amount of completely different money. Money is fungible.

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[Reddit User] - NTA. I feel as you do and quite frankly the ex has no say how this money goes to use.

Carys_Vaughn - NTA - My mom did the same with me by the time I was 14/15 also. Made her life so much easier and taught me how to budget my money for the month. (The money also was meant to daily lunches at school.)

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These opinions spark debate, but do they see the full picture or just fan the flames?

This story of a dad handing his daughter her child support cash shows how money can stir up post-divorce drama. His trust in her sparks pride but riles his ex, raising questions about control and care. Teaching kids financial responsibility is no small feat. Would you hand over child support directly, or keep it under parental control? Share your thoughts and stories below—let’s dig into what makes parenting after divorce work!

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