AITA for giving my daughter an allowance?

In a cozy living room, vibrant Valentine’s Day roses catch the eye as an 8-year-old girl, let’s call her Rose, proudly shows off her chore-earned money jar, brimming with $40. Her diligent saving for a new Switch game sparks envy in her 11-year-old cousin, setting off a family firestorm. The original poster (OP) thought they were teaching Rose responsibility with a $5 weekly allowance, but now faces a brother demanding they either stop or bankroll his kid’s chores too.

This Reddit drama unfolds like a sitcom spat, with parents, in-laws, and a striking nephew throwing shade at the OP’s parenting. Is a small allowance a clever lesson or a family feud starter? Let’s dive into Rose’s money jar saga, unpack the Reddit reactions, and see what experts say about kids and cash.

‘AITA for giving my daughter an allowance?’

My daughter is 8. Let’s call her Rose because I’m looking at my Valentine’s Day flowers. Rose has a chore chart. Some things are daily and others that are weekly. Basic things I think she can do. I give her $5 every Saturday.

The only thing I refuse to buy is candy, like most other parents. Right now she has it in a jar and says she’s saving for a new Switch game. She’s pretty good about saving. She’ll even do something extra like help me with dishes for an extra dollar for her jar.

My brothers kid, 11, was over here a few days ago. I watched him while he and his wife did their Valentine’s Day dinner a little early when they both had the time free. Long story short, he saw the jar in her room and it was explained to him how she has ‘so much money.’ It’s up to about $40 again.

Brother picks him up and all is well. Then I hear about it. My nephew wants an allowance and my brother is basically demanding I pay it since I ‘put the idea in his head. ‘ his son is pretty much expected to do the same things my daughter is but he wants paid for it now because his cousin is.

They can afford the $5. Maybe even $10. Anyway, my brother is insisting I stop paying my daughter for ‘s**t she should be doing anyway’ or I give his son an allowance. SIL is upset with me for making them look like bad parents because they won’t do it.

His reasoning is my nephew should be doing chores anyway and doesn’t need bribed to do it like Rose does. Plus, he isn’t responsible with birthday money (I think that’s their fault for not teaching him). I’ve been doing this since she was 5.

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The only reason they know now is because I’ve only recently let my daughter keep the jar in her room. It used to be on top of the fridge. She’s proven responsible enough to be in charge of her jar. I firmly told my brother no.

Nephew is staging a strike against chores, brother is pissed and won’t ‘give in to his tantrum’, SIL has escalated it to our parents. My mom has contacted me to say I’m setting a bad example for my daughter based on the old ‘you didn’t need an allowance to do your chores.’

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Dad is staying out of it. Husband backs me but suggest $5 a week maybe is too much because she doesn’t NEED money for anything. Here I am caught in the middle thinking I’m doing a good thing and everyone around me is saying I’m not.

(Husband originally agreed to the allowance when he was the one working and I was not - now I am and he’s not but that doesn’t matter). So am I the a**hole in this situation? Is $5 too much for an 8 year old? Do you give an allowance? Why or why not? It’s been working pretty well for us.

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This allowance uproar is less about dollars and more about clashing parenting philosophies. The OP’s $5 weekly reward for Rose’s chores teaches financial literacy, while their brother sees it as bribing kids for basic duties. Both sides have merit, but the brother’s demand that the OP fund his son’s allowance or stop Rose’s is a wild overreach, turning a personal choice into a family feud.

Teaching kids about money early pays off. A 2023 study by the University of Cambridge found that children who manage small amounts of money by age 7 develop stronger financial habits by adulthood. Rose’s saving for a Switch game shows she’s learning value and patience, skills her cousin might miss without similar lessons.

Dr. Ron Lieber, author of The Opposite of Spoiled, notes, “Allowances tied to chores can teach kids the link between work and reward, fostering responsibility”. The OP’s system aligns with this, while the brother’s refusal to adapt dismisses a chance to teach his son. The nephew’s chore strike suggests a need for dialogue, not demands.

For solutions, the OP should hold firm but offer to share their chore chart system with their brother. Open family talks could ease tensions, and tools like Greenlight, a kids’ money app, might help the nephew learn responsibility.

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Heres what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit squad rolled in with�라이크, dishing out spicy support for the OP. Here’s the tea:

[Reddit User] − NTA. They're telling you how to parent, if they expect you to pay his allowance then you get dibs in all parenting decisions with their son.

wildferalfun − NTA. I hope you just start laughing uproariously any time this comes up. Don't engage, don't defend your decision, just laugh and laugh and laugh. Pay his son's allowance? Is his son going to do the chores at your house? Come the f**k on. I died. Who even thinks like that? What an entitled titty baby. And your mom comes in to the conversation? Good grief.

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casualcaviar − NTA. you can parent your kid however you want. giving her an allowance for chores isn’t wrong, and neither is expecting your kid to help around the house w out being paid. yeah, kids should do chores.

it’s not bad parenting to expect your kid to help around the house w out being paid for it, and it’s not bad parenting to give your kid an allowance for doing it. what IS bad parenting imo is being so unable to justify your choices to your kid and have a real conversation w them so you demand someone else parents THEIR kids differently

pawgma − NTA Your brother refuses to give into his son's tantrum but expects you to give into his

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[Reddit User] − NTA it's a good life skill your daughter is learning. I've told my wife that we should be doing this with our 7 year old but it's never happened so I just stay out of it

omgwtflols − NTA. Getting paid an allowance for doing chores is a great way to encourage and teach responsibility, and the fact your daughter is saving it up for a game and not buying candy also shows she understands the value of patience and value of money.

What a great parenting style! Your brother belongs over in r/entitledparets and is being a child himself for treating you the way he has. I feel more sorry for his kid than anything. Regarding my own allowance practices.

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I'm still gestating our first child so it'll be a while before she's able to do chores. However, I will like to also pay a small.alluwance and teach her responsibility and respect for our home as well as learn the value of money. I had an allowance as a kid!

Willingplane − NTA. What you give your daughter is none of their business.

melanantic − I think the consensus is in really, I just want to say that your brother seems. delusional as all hell

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RotisserieChicken007 − NTA. Your child's, your business. Your brother is TA for taking this so far.

CoconutxKitten − NTA. Especially since it’s teaching your daughter money management and saving skills. He needs to b**t out

These Reddit zingers back the OP with gusto, but do they nail the nuance? The community sees the brother as entitled, but is there room for compromise in this family face-off?

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Rose’s money jar has sparked a family showdown, pitting the OP’s savvy parenting against old-school chore expectations. The allowance works for Rose, but her cousin’s rebellion and the brother’s demands reveal how parenting choices can ripple. Would you pay your kid for chores or expect free labor? Share your stories and solutions below—let’s keep this cash-fueled convo flowing!

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