AITA for giving a fake name at Starbucks?

The hum of a Starbucks, filled with the clink of cups and the call of names, feels routine—until a simple quirk stirs up trouble. A 22-year-old Reddit user, uneasy about his real name being shouted, always gives “Tom” when ordering. But when his new girlfriend caught him grabbing their drinks under the alias, her anger boiled over, branding him a liar and sparking a heated spat.

This AITA post froths with tension over a seemingly small act: using a fake name at a coffee shop. Reddit’s brewing strong support for the OP, but is his girlfriend’s outrage justified? Let’s sip on this caffeinated drama, where personal quirks and relationship trust collide.

‘AITA for giving a fake name at Starbucks?’

A quick Starbucks run turned into a relationship roast when a fake name sparked a fight. Here’s the Reddit user’s story in their own words:

Alright so I (22m) think this whole thing is ridiculous but my gf (21f) is really angry at me so here we go: I don't like giving my real name at places like Starbucks and similar stores where they shout out your name when the order's ready.

I can't tell you why, I have a normal, reasonably common name I like fine enough but for some reason it majorly creeps me out when a barista shouts my name through a room full of strangers. I guess it's just some (at least to me) harmless quirk I have.

So whenever I am at a store where they want your name I say it's Tom, that's literally the name I use, nothing inappropriate or outlandish just plain Tom. I know I am meant when they call it as I always use the same one so there is no confusion or anything, they yell Tom I get my drink/food and it's never been a problem till now.

A couple days ago I was at Starbucks with my new gf and ordered our drinks while she sat down, I gave them my fake name as always and when our order was ready and they shouted Tom I went and got it. My gf was a bit confused and asked me if I went and got someone else's order which is fair enough so I explained the thing to her and thought that's that but she got really angry.

She says it's really disrespectful to lie like that and that I am making everybody in the store out to be creeps who will do something bad if they know my name which is not at all what's happening I just don't like when they yell my real name so I found a harmless way to get around that.

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But she can't see it like that, she thinks I am a pathological liar who is way to suspicious of everyone and I need to stop. I really can't see the problem she has, it's really not that deep. I don't think I am hurting anyone... or am I?? So yeah I am really confused by her reaction and asking myself if I am the a**hole after all for some reason I can't comprehend. So Reddit AITA for giving a fake name?

This coffee shop clash brews up the quirks we all carry and how they ripple in relationships. The OP’s habit of using “Tom” stems from a personal discomfort—hardly rare, as many tweak their names for convenience or privacy. His girlfriend’s leap to calling him a pathological liar, however, suggests a deeper trust issue or sensitivity to deception.

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Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes, “Small actions in relationships can trigger outsized reactions if they tap into past wounds or insecurities” (Source). The girlfriend’s intense response might reflect a history of betrayal, as Reddit speculates. A 2022 Journal of Social and Personal Relationships study found that 40% of new couples face conflicts over perceived dishonesty, often from misaligned expectations (Source).

This ties to broader issues of privacy and authenticity in public spaces. The OP’s quirk harms no one, and Starbucks staff, as Reddit users with experience confirm, don’t care. Advice: The OP could calmly explain, “It’s just a quirk to feel comfortable; it’s not about hiding from you.” The girlfriend might share why it feels like a lie, opening a trust-building dialogue. Couples counseling could help if trust issues persist.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit poured out a latte love for the OP, steaming with takes on this coffee shop conundrum. Here’s what the community had to say about the fake name fiasco:

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Bear_faced − I guess NTA? I don’t think it’s “disrespectful” (none of the Starbucks employees will know or care if you use a fake name) but it’s definitely weird that you think it matters in any way if a handful of random strangers hear a first name with no confirmation that it’s actually your name.

[User] − I do the same thing, I have a common name that can sound like many other names so the confusion just adds up, so I give a name I can easily recognize. For your gf to get so worked up over it is a bit much. Good thing is that she is a new gf and you didn't invest too much time in the relationship. If she nitpicks about everything so much, perhaps you two aren't a good fit.. NTA.

Reyvakitten − NTA I used to work at one of those places that asked for names. A few of the older regulars whose names I did know absolutely did not want their real names punched into the system because they were suspicious of the system and I actually enjoyed coming up with goofy fake names for them.

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They loved it. I wasn't upset. Most of those people working there don't know you. They don't care. They are there to do a job. And honestly they probably think having to ask for names is silly and just another dumb rule corporate is pushing on them.

indicatprincess − NTA. She says it's really disrespectful to lie like that and that I am making everybody in the store out to be creeps who will do something bad if they know my name. A lot of hotels won't say your hotel room number out loud when handing your key over because it's a security risk.. And disrespectful to *whom*? Who gives a f**k besides your gf?

zeeelfprince − This is one of the oddest posts I've seen here in awhile. You are clearly NTA. The person you are seeing is making a huge deal about something that people have literally made a thing on the internet, and make jokes about regularly (going into Starbucks and ordering a drink for Voldemort to see if the batista will say the name or call them 'the dark lord' or 'he-who-must-not-be-named' for example).

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I personally think its harmless. You're reasoning is a bit odd, but you aren't hurting anyone. People working at Starbucks aren't paid enough to care if you give them your real name; they just care that you get your drink and don't complain about it after.

UnlikelyStar4213 − I always use Bob. The other day I was at a pizza place, and when they called out Bob, I and another dude went to the counter and reached for it. He looked at me and says, 'Oh, I always use Bob'. I was cracking up.

SpecificSuccotash8 − NTA. I’m with you. It’s a harmless quirk. How does she jump from “I have a weird thing about my name being yelled in a room full of strangers” to “You’re a pathological liar.” That said, maybe she’s had BFs lie to her in the past - it could be a trigger for her. Otherwise? Wild overreaction.

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Double_0_Spoopy − I dont really get why they ask for names. They dont do it in british starbucks. Or at least in my experience. You just wait in the line of people ready to collect drinks and by the time you're at the front they double check the drink order and give it to you. They just line the drinks up when they finish making them. Maybe americans just cant queue?

[Reddit User] − People give fake names all the time for restaurant reservations or food pick up. No one cares…. Except your new gf apparently.. NTA.

PinkNGreenFluoride − NTA. This hurts absolutely nobody. You could tell them your name is Squirrel for all it actually matters. I have no idea how she made the leap to 'you're a pathological liar' from this one exceedingly minor thing. Frankly, she sounds more suspicious of others and distrusting than you do. Maybe she should stop.

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These Reddit roasts scald the girlfriend’s reaction, but do they miss her side? Is “Tom” a harmless quirk or a red flag in a new romance?

This Starbucks saga steams with the clash of a quirky habit and a girlfriend’s trust issues, turning a coffee run into a relationship test. The OP’s fake name stirred no harm, yet his girlfriend’s fiery response left him questioning. Reddit’s got his back, but what’s your take? Have you ever clashed over a partner’s odd habit? Would you fake a name or spill the real one? Grab a cup and spill your thoughts below—keep the convo brewing!

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