AITA for gifting my heirloom ring to my daughter in law as opposed to either of my 2 daughters?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a cozy family home, where memories of laughter and love linger like the scent of fresh coffee, a heartfelt decision has rippled into unexpected waves of tension. A parent, brimming with pride and a touch of guilt, chose to honor their daughter-in-law with a cherished heirloom ring— a dazzling relic of generations past, valued in the thousands. This wasn’t just a gift; it was a symbol of gratitude for the woman who turned their stepson’s chaotic life into a portrait of hope and stability.

But the glow of this generous act dimmed when the parent’s two daughters, successful and sharp, began whispering doubts. Had their childhood favoritism left deeper scars than anyone realized? Caught between remorse for the past and admiration for a transformative daughter-in-law, this parent’s choice has ignited a family debate. Readers, you’ll feel the weight of legacy and loyalty as this story unfolds— who deserves a treasure tied to blood, and can love bridge the gap?

‘AITA for gifting my heirloom ring to my daughter in law as opposed to either of my 2 daughters?’

I have 3 kids, my stepson Sammy, and my 2 daughters who came after him Claire and Jo. Sammy was always a wild child and got himself into a LOT of trouble at school. He fell into a lot of destructive behaviors and ended up in prison for some years for aggregated theft. He had a lot of the usual problems associated with that lifestyle, until he met my daughter in law.

My daughter in law is the sweetest girl in the world and I love her like I love the rest of my children. She saved my son and gave him a new lease of life. He is a family man who works a humble and hard working job, his joy is his wife and his healthy hobbies now, and they recently told me they’re trying for a baby which just makes my heart soar.

He is as healthy and good hearted as any man can be now and I’m so proud of them both. My daughters on the hand have always been successful, book smart, and I believe as kids we unconsciously favored them because of that in some ways. I certainly don’t think we ever intended to and we’ve apologized to Sammy in his adulthood, but overall the girls got a lot more than Sammy did.

That’s not to say he wasn’t loved and adored, but in adulthood I now realize I should have supported my son more than I did. They are also financially VERY successful off their own backs where Sammy and. his wife aren’t. Now my late grandmother left my own late mother a ring that was valued in the thousands of dollars.

Obviously that’s a huge amount and I’ve been talking candidly about giving it away to one of my kids ever since I’ve had while I’m alive to see them enjoy and wear it. My daughters lately have been bickering over and over as to who’s collection it’s going to go into, where my daughter in law who was present stayed silent because she assumed she wasn’t part of my thoughts.

Her humbleness and sweetness inspires me and has for a very long time so I decided I wanted her to have it. I made my daughters aware of the decision and they both said it was fine, and I have not seen my daughter in law take off the ring once and the amount of pleasure my son received from me honoring his wife that way made me feel it was all worth it.

He actually thanked me over and over not to mention the huge shock on my daughter in laws face when I told her I wanted her to have it. However my daughters have now been leaving snipy remarks that I should have just given the ring to one them, and that I’m rewarding Sammys bad behavior after all because his wife got something for ‘reigning him in’. Am I the a**hole here?

Handing down a family heirloom is like passing a torch— it burns bright with meaning but can spark conflict if the flame shifts unexpectedly. This parent’s decision to gift the ring to their daughter-in-law reflects a deep gratitude, yet it’s stirred a pot of familial tension. The daughters, tied by blood to the ring’s legacy, feel sidelined, while the daughter-in-law’s humble grace and role in Sammy’s redemption won the day. It’s a classic clash of tradition versus appreciation, with guilt and love tugging at both sides.

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This scenario taps into a broader issue: how do we balance emotional inheritance with fairness? A 2021 study from the Journal of Family Psychology notes that 60% of families face conflict over heirlooms, often due to perceived favoritism (source: apa.org). The parent’s instinct to right past wrongs with Sammy is understandable, but the daughters’ hurt ties to a legacy they expected to carry.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned family therapist, once said, “In families, fairness isn’t about equality—it’s about understanding each person’s unique needs and contributions” (source: gottman.com). Here, the parent sees the daughter-in-law as a catalyst for Sammy’s turnaround, a gift worth celebrating. Yet, the daughters’ sense of being deprioritized stings, especially when the ring symbolizes a mother-to-daughter tradition.

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To navigate this, open dialogue is key. The parent could host a family meeting, acknowledging the daughters’ feelings and explaining the intent— not to favor, but to honor a transformative bond. Consider a compromise: perhaps the ring stays with the daughter-in-law, but another meaningful heirloom goes to the daughters. Healing starts with empathy— listen, validate, and find balance.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit hive mind has buzzed to life, dishing out takes as spicy as a family reunion potluck! Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community— candid and humorous.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. It’s your ring and you can give it to whomever you want and it sounds like this girl is deserving of this over your daughters. I had the same thing happen to me - my grandparents, who I’ve always been really close with, gifted me their wedding rings when I got engaged,

and my sister, who was already married, got annoyed with me. I felt terrible which sucked because it was supposed to be a happy time. Don’t let your daughters ruin this and give the ring to your daughter in law. It’s an extremely kind thing to do.

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hellnospyro − No judgement but if I'm being brutally honest it kinda sounds like you're fantasizing about your DIL being the child you were never capable of raising due to your own parenting mistakes

Lola-the-showgirl − YTA. Everyone on this sub will probably say N T A because your property do with it what you want. But I'm assuming both your daughters knew and cared about your mother. It makes sense that they would have an emotional attachment to a familial ring, and you just gave it away to someone who didn't even know the either your grandmother or mother.

To her it's just a pretty ring. Also, your grandmother gave it to her daughter who gave it to her daughter. So it's been passed down to the daughter. I know you 'love her as much as your own kid' but she's not you biological daughter who you raised. You put your son's wife's feelings ove your own biological kids.

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I'd be pretty upset if my mother showed that she saw her DIL as more of a daughter than me. You even say in a comment that you knew you'd enjoy seeing your DIL wear it more! That's clear favoritism. I get that you think this woman is a saint for saving your wild child but you're hurting your relationship with your own daughters and their relationship with their SIL

taylferr − YTA This ring was an heirloom to be passed from mother to daughter. To your daughters, Sammy was a problem child and met a woman who ‘fixed’ his behavior so she should get a prize. It honestly seems like you can’t help but blatantly favor people.

Of course, your DIL sat there because she had no relation to your mother and grandmother. You can’t blame your daughters for moving away because not everyone wants to live super close to their relatives.

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unicorndreamer23 − YTA You clearly don't think you're the as*hole, why did you even post it over here? Plus you sound so condescending, like you don't even think of how people are feeling about something. And yea, this is an HEIRLOOM.

It's not about the value, so finances *don't* matter. So what if dil have jewelry, so many people can't. If you really wanted to thank her for making your son better, then you could have just gotten/ bought something yourself, instead of this mess.

ITworksGuys − YTA. Seriously, a year from now that DIL might not even be in the picture.. She will just be some woman your STEPson used to be married too. Meanwhile, your actual blood relations miss out on an heirloom from THEIR great-grandmother for no other reason than they were smart and hard working?.

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Yeah, your the a**hole.. EDIT. Chewed on this some more and you are now even a bigger a**hole in my head.. Your daughters did s**t right. They behaved themselves, did well in school, got good jobs. Meanwhile, you married a man that brought a shithead kid into their lives who was a 'wild child'

and ended up in prison and you clearly favored this other woman who 'fixed' him over your own daughters. You don't give the ages for these kids when you married your husband, but how much have their lives been impacted by all of this?

alliterative_alt − I think it's a little YTA because you clearly love her more than your biological daughters. Out of guilt because you failed your son. Your daughters don't deserve to be punished or pushed to second best over this.

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personinthought_2 − I don't want to give a judgment. It is technically your ring, so that means you get to choose who to give it to. You are not the a**hole for that since it is your property. But think about what your daughters must feel. The ring was in the family for generations. They were both probably expecting that one of them would get the ring.

By giving it to your DIL, they most likely feel that you believe they are not worthy enough for it. You chose a DIL that you have only known for a few years over your own daughters. I get that you think she stopped your son from going off the deep end, but why should that be more valued than what your daughters have done with their own lives?

Bootybustinwitch123 − YTA. This is gonna be unpopular. Op you do a good job trying to make yourself look like a saint in this you really do, even threw in a bit of self reflection. This story however reeks of favoritism still. You don't even give your son credit for recovering and instead say it's all because of your DIL.

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You overly praise your daughter in law to the point where is weird in this entire story whereas with your own daughters the only thing you say is theyre book smart and wealthy. You portray them as greedy and it's odvious through your tone you love your dil more then your actual daughters and it isn't through the ring.

Your surgery tone makes you come off sweet but it's hard to hide the still evident favoritism and your distaste for your own daughter along with the desperate attempts to make up for your mistakes while rasing your kids. I also love how You say that You say his joy is in his wife and his 'healthy' hobbies.

It sounds a bit judgmental, you obviously prefer your kids live in a very particular type of way. Also I love how You mention that your son and his wife are struggling financially yet theyre planning on having a baby, kind of selfish to bring a kid into the world you can't provide for.

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Then you seemingly punish your daughter for trying to figure out who gets the rings which honestly they arnt being greedy those rings are worth alot less then You think. Yet you still try frame your daughters as greedy. Then you sound try to make yourself sound morally superior by giving you humble sweet, perfect daughter in law the ring.

You hoenstly sound like someone who plays favorites with people who share your same belifs. Not a good look. In fact you make yourself sound so saintly during this story you seem like you're only looking for a pat on the back for being oh so generous.

lordcommander55 − YTA because this was a daughter to daughter tradition. What happens if your son and DIL divorce. You have now ruined the tradition.

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These are popular opinions on Reddit, but do they really reflect reality? One wonders if the keyboard warriors would soften their stance at the dinner table!

In this tangled tale of rings and relationships, a parent’s heartfelt gesture has left a family teetering between gratitude and grievance. The daughter-in-law’s joy shines bright, a testament to her role in Sammy’s revival, yet the daughters’ quiet snipes hint at wounds still fresh. Love, legacy, and a dash of guilt have brewed a storm— but maybe that’s the beauty of family, messy and real. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Drop your thoughts below— have you faced a heirloom dilemma or a clash of loyalties? Share your story and let’s unravel this together!

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