AITA for getting us banned from the local food pantry?

In a cramped home bursting with untouched groceries, a 25-year-old grapples with their mother’s spiraling behavior. The fridge groans under piles of food bought with food stamps, only to rot as the family dines on fast food. The mother, drowning in denial, hoards more from the local food pantry weekly, tossing or selling what they can’t use. It’s a cycle of waste in a house teetering on financial collapse, where reality feels like a distant rumor.

Exasperated, the young adult makes a gut-wrenching call: they anonymously report their mother to the pantry, leading to a ban. The decision stings—they need the help—but watching kindness exploited was too much. Now, Reddit’s weighing in on this messy mix of loyalty, ethics, and mental health. Was ratting out Mom the right move, or a step too far? This story peels back the layers of a family in crisis.

‘AITA for getting us banned from the local food pantry?’

Let’s just say my mother has issues. Extreme issues. We’re really struggling financially and she is going well off the deep end in order to compensate. For example, she will spend all her food stamps money in one go. I mean cart fulls of food and food products. Right down to the very last cent.

She then stuffs the fridge, freezer, and pantry so full of food that the house is bursting at the seems. Then, get this: she will literally touch nothing until everything goes bad. She buys hundreds of dollars worth of food, go out to eat instead of using anything she bought, and we end up throwing everything out.

I tried telling her to ration the food stamp money throughout the month. Not blow it all in one day and not touch anything she bought. So you have a bit of an idea of what I’m dealing with here. To me, it seems like she packs the house full of stuff in order to ignore the reality of our financial situation.

The hoarding is her way of putting up barriers. Veiling herself from the truth. Another aspect of her denial is the local food pantry. She insists on going every week, even if we don’t have room for anything. Guess what happens to that entire car full of food? Waste. Goes in the trash. I tried telling her to stop but she refuses to.

Week after week of throwing food out is finally getting to her because now she goes to the pantry, gets the food for free, and re-sells it for money. Which, if I’m not mistaken, is illegal. Not sure if it’s better than throwing all the food out because she’d rather have McDonald’s than a home-cooked meal.

Then she found out from her friend that you can go back through the pantry more than once if you’re sneaky about it. So she’s been trying that. It was at this point I called the pantry and told them what’s going on. I reported my mother anonymously. She has since been banned from the pantry.

I know the concept is great and we could benefit from it, but I don’t want my mother taking full advantage of kindness and compassion of volunteers working for a good cause. Yeah, it was a shot in the foot, but one I feel was necessary... A couple of questions I got:

1. Do I cook the food? Yes. Some of it. I cook what I can. But the problem is that no matter how much we clean out the fridge, she keeps it so stocked that I can’t put anything in there. Not even leftovers. It’s why I’m somewhat discouraged from cooking.

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2. What do we do with waste? Unfortunately, we can’t just donate it back or to other places. COVID, for one. We do try to give the food to other people in need but Mom sees that as a wasted opportunity to make money. She doesn’t want us to give away food without having money in return. So she would rathe throw out what she can’t sell instead.

3. Where is my Dad in this? He lives with us but he’s given up hope. He simply doesn’t fight her. The thing with him is he hates food. He’s the kind of person who wants a block of blah with your essential nutrients and vitamins. Nothing else. So he really doesn’t care.. 4. How old am I? 25. Due to circumstances beyond my control, I still live with parents..

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5. Do we eat though? yes. I do, personally. I try to cook more. Less eating out. 6. How does she afford to eat out when we’re on Food stamps?  Mom doesn’t work and she has complete control over my father’s finances. Again, he has completely given up and let’s her do whatever she wants.

This pantry ban saga reveals a family buckling under financial and psychological strain. Hoarding, as seen here, often masks deeper issues like anxiety or trauma. Psychologist Dr. Randy Frost, a hoarding expert, explains, “Hoarding is a coping mechanism, where possessions create a false sense of security” (Psychology Today, 2023). The mother’s food stockpiling likely shields her from facing poverty, but her waste and illegal reselling exploit a system meant to help.

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The child’s decision to report their mother was tough but ethical. Food pantries serve thousands; in 2022, Feeding America noted 49 million people relied on such aid (FeedingAmerica.org). Abusing this strains resources for others in need. The mother’s actions, driven by mental health struggles, don’t justify harming the community. The child’s call protected the pantry’s integrity, though it cost their family access.

Hoarding is a recognized disorder, with 2-6% of people affected, per the American Psychiatric Association (APA.org). The mother needs professional help, like cognitive-behavioral therapy, to address her compulsions. Community mental health services or hoarding task forces, often listed on local government sites, could be a start. The child might contact the pantry again to seek referrals for support, balancing compassion with accountability.

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For the child, moving forward means setting boundaries while seeking independence. They’re cooking what they can, but their mother’s control over finances and space limits progress. Connecting with social workers or nonprofits could offer resources for housing or job support.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit’s dishing out raw, heartfelt takes on this pantry predicament, and they’re not holding back. Here’s what the community had to say:

showtunie - NTA. You did the right thing, and I’m sorry you’re having to pay for your mother’s mistakes. I hope you get out of there soon.

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jonah_sachs - NTA. I’m sorry you’re going through tough times, but your mom is exploiting a system made to help people who cannot afford necessities. She’s taking from other people in your shoes and wasting it or worse taking advantage of those same people by having them pay for the food she took. You did the right thing in reporting her, if only to stop the exploitation.

[Reddit User] - NTA. What she is doing is just not right. It isn't ethical. Period.

Phobiaofyou - Obviously NTA, but why aren't you eating the food? I am confused

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KatJen76 - NTA try to get your mom some counseling. Hoarding is a really devastating and difficult disorder.

[Reddit User] - If you don't mind me asking, how can she afford to eat out constantly if she's able to receive food stamps, which would mean she's low income. Where does all the fast food money come from?

HeyThereJemima - Heya, I work at a foodbank. I'm so sorry for your situation, people don't realise that poverty can take such a huge toll mentally. I think you did the right thing letting them know, but I would call them and fully explain your situation and see if they have any recommendations. There may be kitchens that you could go to for a cooked meal once a week,

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for instance, or they may be able to help your mother get care for her mental health. Please believe me that her behaviour, although erratic, is by no means unique. We see people do this a lot as a reaction to scarcity and they will not be surprised or judge you for it. Truth is you both need support NAH

murano84 - NAH because it sounds like your mother is mentally unwell, and I find it hard to call someone like that an A-H. (If she weren't, though, she would be a huge one.) Are there mental services for hoarding available in your area?

path-cat - yeah this is a horrible situation but if what you're saying is true, you're NTA. i would suggest finding her some kind of hoarding anonymous group and asking her to go

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strongerlynn - NTA in any aspect. My mom was doing some what of the same thing. She wasn't going back through the same one though. We were eating the food, but she kept going to different food pantries. Me and my Dad had to put a stop to it. So I totally understand where you're coming from.

These Reddit voices are loud, but do they see the full picture? Is the mother a villain, or a victim of her own mind? What’s the right call here?

This story of a food pantry ban lays bare the chaos of hoarding and the weight of tough choices. The child’s report stopped their mother’s exploitation but cut off a lifeline, highlighting the clash between ethics and survival. Mental health support could be the key to breaking this cycle, but it’s a long road. Have you ever had to call out a loved one’s harmful behavior? What would you do in this sticky situation? Share your thoughts below!

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