AITA for getting upset with my boyfriend after our miscarriage?

The hospital room was quiet, save for the soft hum of machines, but inside a young woman’s heart, a storm was raging. Just days after losing her unborn child, she reached for comfort from her boyfriend, only to find him distant—relieved, even—sipping drinks with friends while she grieved alone. Her Reddit post, raw with hurt, spills this intimate wound to the world, asking if her anger is fair. For those who want to read the previous part: [link to previous article, if applicable; none provided here].

This tale isn’t just a snapshot of loss; it’s a mirror to the ache of mismatched love under pressure. As she wrestles with betrayal and he deflects with excuses, Reddit’s chorus weighs in—some with hugs, others with hard truths. It’s a story that stings, pulling readers into a debate about loyalty, grief, and when to let go.

‘AITA for getting upset with my boyfriend after our miscarriage?’

My boyfriend (31M) and I (22F) found out we were pregnant 2 weeks ago. When I initially told my boyfriend we were expecting he started crying and told me I had to abort our baby because it was the only logical thing to do. We are both young, not living together, I’m studying at university full time,

and he wanted to travel more with his work before having kids. I told him I would be keeping it despite his insistence for an a**rtion and he said he wasn’t sure if he would stay around because he wasn’t ready. Fast forward to 2 days ago, I had a miscarriage and was in hospital overnight.

When I told my boyfriend about it I could tell he was relived about it. He hasn’t come to visit me since the miscarriage but he has sent me flowers. Tonight he is out drinking with his friends while I’m at home recovering and grieving the loss of our baby. 

got upset and told him I felt unsupported and unloved during this time, and he said that staying home grieving won’t fix anything and that he is dealing with it by going out with his friends. I can’t tell if I overreacted. I asked him if he was relived the baby was gone and he said that he was,

but that he didn’t want it to happen this way. AITA for being upset with him right now? My friends think I should breakup with him but I can’t tel if I’m overreacting and hormonal or if this is something I need to be thinking about.

Losing a pregnancy can feel like a rug pulled from under you, and this Reddit story shows how grief splits a couple already on shaky ground. The woman’s hurt runs deep—her boyfriend’s absence and bar-hopping sting like salt in a wound. His relief, while honest, lands like a slap, revealing a chasm in their values.

Relationship expert Esther Perel has said, “The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives” (source: Esther Perel). Here, that quality’s fraying. His push for abortion and threat to leave signaled early he wasn’t all in, leaving her to carry the emotional load alone. Miscarriage, a loss for 1 in 4 pregnancies per the Mayo Clinic (source: Mayo Clinic), often demands shared mourning, but his choice to “deal” by partying shows a disconnect Perel might call a failure of empathy.

This reflects a wider issue: couples unprepared for crisis. A 2020 study found 30% of young adults avoid tough talks like unplanned pregnancy, risking misalignment (source: Journal of Social and Personal Relationships). She’s right to feel abandoned, but his stance—clear from the start—hints at irreconcilable goals. Perel might suggest a hard talk: can they align on future plans? For her, leaning on friends and therapy could rebuild strength. Readers, is this a dealbreaker, or can they bridge the gap?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s crew dove into this heartbreak like it’s a group therapy session, tossing out cheers, jeers, and a few raised eyebrows. It’s like a lively coffee shop debate—some rally behind her pain, others nudge her to see his side, but everyone’s got skin in the game. Here’s the unfiltered buzz from the comments, packed with spice and heart:

Antique-diva − Oh no, you're not overreacting; you're under-reacting. He was going to leave you because of the baby. He is not grieving at all; he's going out to celebrate with his friends because he's off the hook now that the baby is dead. He doesn't want to comfort you because he never wanted the baby and probably feels weird that you're grieving it.. Just listen to your friends and cut him loose. He's not worth your time and effort.

GingerPrince72 − NTA. He's immature and insensitive, he sounds like a 21 year old, not a 31 year old.

wacky_spaz − Take it from a guy … you’re just a piece of ass to him. No normal guy would do this to a partner whether he wanted the kid or not. He’s gone out to celebrate he’s not stuck with you and a kid. You’re young so be grateful you know what he’s like now and find someone else. Better you know now than a decade later.

StationGreedy2256 − NTA. I hate how common it is for people to disregard their partners feelings. If you told him you feel unsupported and unloved and his response is excuses then he’s the AH. It really shows a complete lack of empathy. I expect making excuses like that from a 20 year old.

He’s 31 and still a POS. I’m not going to tell you what to do with your relationship because you didn’t ask for that but you need to look at this difficult moment and think about whether this is how you want to be treated when things get tough in the future or not. 

No_Client1841 − Nta but your friends are right you should be reconsidering the relationship. That’s really cruel of him. The lack of empathy he’s showing is actually disgusting. He’s pretty much out celebrating with his buddies that’s he’s not a dad anymore ( that’s how I would feel) I don’t care what bs he’s spinning you.

Just let that sink in…your at home recovering and he’s out drinking to ‘grieve’ you need to think if you want to be with someone who treats you like this after something so devastating to you. Your 22 your too young to be putting up with this.

AnxiousBudha − You are not over reacting.. You should break up.. I sympathize with him not wanting to be a parent, but: -He is completely in the wrong for not being by your side through what is, even disregarding all other important aspects of this, a medical emergency.

You had a life-threatening event, and he didn't even visit you. ludicrous -He is completely wrong in not validating your feelings through your grief and healing process. You are allowed to be hormonal, you lost a baby. -He is a huge d**k if he didn't make it clear to you that he is unwilling to be a parent and in the event of a pregnancy he would not support you if you decided to keep it.

Having said that, and that really was 95% of this, what you can do better in the future: Discussions on what to do with an unexpected pregnancy should be made before it happens. Unfortunately, **and though this is not fair,** since you are the one who stands to get shafted from the other person if this is not done, it falls more on you to open this discussion.

Not because you are responsible for it, or because it is your job, not AT ALL**, (I already said he is a d!ck for not having the discussion himself) but because you are the one that stands to lose most so you need to protect yourself. If you try to have this conversation and the other person is unwilling to have it or dismisses it, break up.

then and there, unless you are consciously willing to raise the child by yourself. A person who won't discuss this before hand is not to be trusted (unfortunately, having the discussion is not bulletproof either but at least if you are unwilling to have an a**rtion and the other person is not willing to have a kid, you know you can't be together and you dodge that bullet)

Don't be mad for him for not wanting to be a parent. Be VERY mad at him for not supporting you, not discussing this with you when he should have, not accepting responsibility for his part in this, and for gaslighting you an not validating your feelings. You are in the right. Break up, heal, find someone who aligns with your vision of how your lives should play out in emergencies.. NTA

Tiger_Striped_Queen − Letting myself color my response with my own past here so take this for what it’s worth. I had my first child at your age and my ex was also 31. He wasn’t thrilled at first either, tried the same “he’s too young” crap and hinting around a**rtion.

(“If there are any birth defects we have to get rid of it”, great thing to say to a scared 21 yr old). It’s also the first time he cheated on me (that I knew about) and that I recognized his gaslighting behavior (“you’re crazy, there isn’t anyone else”).

Also the first time I moved in with someone and tried to be a responsible adult paying bills until he blew another paycheck (on the other girl), lied about it, got caught and I moved home, only to be guilted and love bombed back to him. There’s a whole boring novel about the 20+ years with him you don’t need that breaks down to this

He is a full grown adult, way more than you are. Nine years is a big difference and if he is this immature at an age where he no longer has the excuse of being young than HE ISN’T GOING TO CHANGE. He’s either with a younger woman because he’s a perv or women his own age see him for the trash he is and avoid him, probably both..

He wasn’t excited about being a dad, he wants to be free to do whatever he wants. You don’t live together. I don’t know how long you’ve been together (please don’t say five years like I had been) but if it’s more than a year and he hasn’t talked about living together than he doesn’t want anything long term.

He wasn’t there for you, at the hospital or now when you’re recovering. Flowers were the bare minimum he could do without much effort. If he actually loved you he would have been with you the entire time. He is out partying with friends. This hurt me for you because hon, that man is celebrating being free of responsibility.

What sort of person celebrates a loss like that? Your friends are right, leave this guy because he was never your boyfriend, at least not in his mind. You deserve someone who loves you and will be at your side during the bad times. This isn’t him. My heart goes out to you for your loss. I hope you heal and go on to have a beautiful life. NTA

MotherTeresaOnlyfans − It's 100% understandable for you to feel emotionally abandoned right now but -- and I'm probably going to get yelled at by people for this -- you seem to have had some really unrealistic expectations for how this situation was going to work out.

From the moment he told you that he didn't want to be a parent and that he wanted you to terminate the pregnancy, it was completely unrealistic for you to think that he was going to change his mind and be excited about the baby.

From his perspective, this pregnancy was the end of his life as he knew it, so yeah, it's completely understandable that he would be relieved that you're no longer pregnant. Would you really have wanted him to be sitting there pretending to be devastated that he's not going to be a dad? You know that's not true.

There's not really any way for him to have provided the emotionally support through this that you need or want without basically denying any of his own feelings.. I'm honestly surprised he hasn't broken up with you already just to quit while he's ahead.

To be clear, I'm not saying the way he's handling things is beyond criticism, just that it is, in context, completely understandable and predictable. Becoming a parent is \*huge\*. If someone can just suddenly be like,

In future relationships, you might want to proactively discuss how each of you would want to handle an accidental pregnancy, because plenty of people will understandably not be open to spontaneously abandoning all their plans for their future just because of a birth control mishap.

limelight_602 − NTA, and I would consider whether you want to continue to stick around for someone who treats you this.

Purple_fern − ESH yes he was insensitive to your feelings but you knew he didn’t want the baby and you decided to keep it. So of course he’s relieved it’s gone. You two are not on the same page and this incident has proved that. Move on this mans dating you because he’s immature and women his age won’t.

These Redditors aren’t holding back, some urging her to bolt, others pointing out she missed his signals. They’re split—does his coldness mean he’s trash, or was she naive to hope for more? But are they nailing the core of this mess, or just stirring the pot for drama’s sake? One thing’s clear: her grief’s got the internet humming like a live wire. Where do you stand on her next move?

This story cuts deep—a young woman’s loss met with a shrug from the one she trusted most. It’s not just about a miscarriage; it’s about love bending under grief’s weight and maybe breaking. She’s left picking up pieces while he toasts to freedom, forcing a question: what’s a relationship worth when it leaves you alone in the dark? Have you ever felt let down when it mattered most? Share your take—let’s unpack this together.

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