AITA for getting pissed at my wife about her health issues she won’t address?

In the dead of night, a husband jolts awake to his wife’s loud vomiting, a weekly ritual driven by untreated acid reflux. As a nurse, she dismisses doctors and skips her meds, yet her dramatic outbursts—yelling “oh God” while retching in their en-suite bathroom—shatter his sleep, already fragile from insomnia. His patience frays, and a fight erupts when she accuses him of lacking sympathy, but he fires back: why care when she won’t help herself?

This Reddit tale, raw with exhaustion and resentment, captures the toll of untreated health issues on a marriage. The husband’s anger at his wife’s refusal to act clashes with her plea for support, raising questions about responsibility and empathy. Is he callous, or is her inaction the real issue? Let’s dive into this gut-wrenching drama.

‘AITA for getting pissed at my wife about her health issues she won’t address?’

My wife suffers from something like really high acid reflux, and basically 1-2 nights a week she'll wake up in the middle of the night and puke for like half an hour. Sometimes there's an excuse like 'oh we had dinner too late' or 'we ate too much or 'I had a drink' other times theres no reason for it.

The thing is my wife is a nurse and basically refuses to see a doctor because 'she's convinced they won't do anything except put her on some over the counter medicine' So we go out and buy this medicine that's supposed to be taken daily, and my wife just doesn't take it.

If thats not frustrating enough, when she does puke she almost actively makes sure she wakes me up doing it, by using the bathroom attached to our bedroom (we have 3 bathrooms) and while she pukes she loudly yells stuff like 'oh no' 'oh God this is terrible' 'owwweeeeyyy'.

And I suffer from insomnia from my time in the Army so when I wake up I really struggle to fall back asleep, and I work 6 days a week and she works 2. Last night we got into a fight because she said I'm no longer supportive or sensitive to her issues like I used to be, because I didn't get all uppity and concerned about her, and I'm like why would I when you do this constantly and do nothing about it.

This nightly vomiting saga is a stark reminder of how health neglect can erode a partnership. The husband’s frustration stems from his wife’s refusal to treat her acid reflux, a manageable condition, while her loud episodes disrupt his sleep, critical given his insomnia and demanding work schedule. Her dismissal of medical help, despite being a nurse, adds fuel to the fire.

Chronic acid reflux, or GERD, affects 20% of adults and can lead to serious complications like esophageal damage if untreated, per a 2023 American College of Gastroenterology report. The wife’s refusal to take daily meds, which could reduce symptoms, is a choice that impacts them both.

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Dr. Susan Heitler, a clinical psychologist, notes, “When one partner’s untreated health issue disrupts the other’s well-being, it’s a shared problem requiring mutual effort”. Here, the wife’s loud vomiting in the closest bathroom, despite alternatives, suggests possible attention-seeking, while the husband’s waning sympathy reflects burnout. A calm discussion about using another bathroom or committing to treatment could help.

This story highlights broader issues of health responsibility in relationships. The wife might explore why she resists treatment—pride, fear, or denial—while the husband could offer support without enabling inaction.

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Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit’s take on this sickly situation is as sharp as a stomach cramp! From backing the husband’s frustration to urging the wife to seek help, the community mixes empathy with tough love.

AMadManWithAPlan - NTA. Your wife has an issue, and instead of solving the issue she's relying on you to provide comfort and attention - likely because it appears that's easier than solving the issue. But she's sucking you into her pity party, and that's not cool or healthy.

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Insist she go to a doctor. Remind her that chronic acid reflux can tear your throat up and cause significant health problems down the line, as well as being signifiers for other underlying conditions. Even if they prescribe something OTC, it's better to make sure.

Scarecrowqueen - NTA. I literally have the same symptoms as your wife, and likely the same diagnosis. If those meds shes prescribed are what I think they are, we are probably on the same/similar. Listen, those meds worked wonders on me.

If shes bad enough that's shes consistently up at night then its gonna take a few weeks of diligently taking her meds to ease the symptoms enough for the constant flare ups to end. In the last six years I've gone from losing 5 lbs in a week at my worst because I was throwing up at every meal, to having maybe a single flare up every 1-2 months.

(and even then its usually when I've been a dumbass and eaten something too spicy/acidic when I know better.) Tell your wife that only people who take their meds get sympathy. You deserve a good nights sleep and a wife that doesn't prefer to suffer for her pride.

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notsorrymsjackson - NTA. She is refusing to seek solutions for her medical problem, and you are being punished for it. It is really difficult to fuss over someone for a long period of time when they refuse to resolve the issue in the first place.

Especially when it messes with your sleep. And the yelling while she is puking. What the heck? I would be super pissed if I was woken up every week to an adult screaming about throwing up.

Hashbrown_2296 - NTA as a nurse would she tell someone with recurring acid reflux to not go to the doctor for it because they won’t do anything anyways? Probably not. So she’s not taking advice she’d give to others. And she’s also not being sensitive to your issues knowing you have insomnia she could try to stay quieter or go to another bathroom.

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I suffer from insomnia and my fiancé is very careful if he gets out of bed before I wake up to stay as quiet as possible. And you’ve clearly tried to get her to take care of it and she refuses so at this point it’s her problem.

[Reddit User] - NTA.. She is allowed sympathy and support as long as she is supporting herself.. Currently she is ignoring any potential fixes and instead just wanting sympathy.. Absolutely ridiculous.

I don’t mean this in a horrible way but she is a nurse and so not qualified to know anything about what is wrong with her or how medication could help. Hell their is a chance she has cancer considering the symptoms.

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gwgos1 - My late wife had acid flux also. Bothered her 3-4 times a week. Turned out it was ARVD. Arrhythmogenoc Right Ventricular Dysplasia. It is a disease in the heart where it stops working.

I came home and found her dead one night from work. It has been over 20 yrs but it does still bothers me because I was an EMT at the place I worked at and didn’t see it. GO GET HER HEART CHECKED. NOW. Oh NTA.

[Reddit User] - NTA she either needs to talk to the doctor or find a better way to cope. I kiiiiind of wonder if she isn't making herself sick on purpose. There's just something off here.

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jurassicmayms - NTA and furthermore I can’t understand the behaviour. When I was pregnant I was sick morning noon and night for 4.5 months and besides sometimes comedically bantering “you did this to meeeee!”

At my husband I tried my best to not make it his problem because honestly what can someone else do? Except for maybe fetch some water. Also I fully did not WANT him to see me puke. Once I vommed so hard I pissed myself. Really wouldn’t have wanted my husband to see that.

QueenKiminari - My husband has the same issue, and honestly, it's affecting our marriage. I'm out of sympathy since it's been years; even before we got together, he's had this issue and hasn't seen a gastroenterologist.

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In the beginning, I used to sit with him in the bathroom in the middle of the night and rub his back, but now I don't even get up. The other day he got snippy with me and then apologized because he had thrown up on himself earlier (I did hear him and the shower running) and I snapped at him.

Telling him how he refuses to do anything about it and I refuse to have any sympathy when he promised me for years he would go to a doctor and hasn't done anything. We'll he finally made the appointment when I actually was so mad I went on a drive out of the house for a couple hours.

Hopefully you don't need to go as far as I did in order to light a fire under your wife to get her to go. But you don't need to have sympathy for someone who refuses to do anything for themselves.. NTA

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Fergus74 - NTA. Tell her that you don't see the reason to be sensitive about something she doesn't want to find a treatment to.

These reactions spotlight the strain of inaction, but do they fully address the couple’s emotional disconnect?

This acid reflux rift shows how a treatable health issue can sour a marriage when left unchecked. The husband’s anger at his wife’s loud, untreated vomiting is understandable, but her plea for sympathy hints at deeper needs. With sleep and patience fraying, it’s a call for teamwork and care. Have you faced a partner’s health neglect? What would you do in this sleepless scenario? Share your thoughts below!

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