AITA for getting my daughter’s ears peirced without telling my husband?

Eager to see her newborn daughter’s ears adorned, a 26-year-old woman went ahead and got them pierced, bypassing her husband’s request for more time to decide. Egged on by her mom, she thought he’d come around, but his furious reaction—calling it a major breach of trust—threw their marriage into turmoil. Her claim that her opinion as the mother holds more weight only deepened the rift, leaving her questioning her choice.

This Reddit story, pulsing with trust issues and parenting clashes, echoes your own struggles with family boundaries, like standing up to your sister’s demands or navigating your MIL’s oversteps. Is she wrong to act alone, or is her husband overreacting?

‘AITA for getting my daughter’s ears peirced without telling my husband?’

Me f26 and my husband m32 welcomed our daughter several months ago. So far we've agreed on every decision made regarding our daughter but the topic of peircing her ears came up and he said he didn't like the idea despite me explaining that 1. It's normal thing for babies and 2. It looks pretty 3. no it's not cultural we're both white but it's a great new experience imo.

He said he needed time to think about it but weeks went by and he hasn't said okay yet. Mom suggested we do it behind his back and he'll then come around and see for himself that it's a good thing since he was having doubts and being indecisive. I was hasitant but I agreed and chose a day where he was out all day.

Thankfully it went smoothly but when my husband got home and found out he lost his temper and went on about what a major breach of trust I just committed and how I should have never decided to do this without him fully agreeing since he's the parent too and got extra mad that I went behind his back and was being sneaky and untruthful about it.

I tried to explain that first it was my mom's idea and I didn't think he'd overreact like that but he insisted that I did was not okay and that I overruled him as a parent and damaged the trust we have and also put our daughter through pain and discomfort.

I had an argument with him and told him he was acting like this is just his daughter, I'm the mother and my opinion does have heavier weight than his to some degree. He got offended by that and went to stay with his mom who called and berated me for going behind her son's back and treating him as a less than when it comes to our daughter but I never understood why he thought that.

He is not talking to me now. I think he's being selfish by saying he needed time to think about it and trying to stall without considering my point of view. Mom is on my side here but he and my inlaws said I screwed up for making such decision without his 'okay' and going behind his back to get it done.. AITA?

Edit/ putting this out there/ My husband was aware that I had plans to get our daughter's ears peirced and we've had many many discussions about it so it wasn't like it was out of the blue and I didn't bring it up with him. I did but he kept giving me the same 'I need time to think about it' the entire time.

How long was I supposed to wait? Why he kept stalling instrad of just saying 'just no'? He just kept stalling and putting off any further discussions/compromises that we could've had as a way maybe to get me to just abandon the whole idea.

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Parenting decisions test partnership trust, and this Reddit user’s choice to pierce her daughter’s ears without her husband’s consent crosses a critical boundary. Her husband’s request for time reflects a need for mutual agreement, which her sneaky action—prompted by her mother—undermined, much like your own battles with family oversteps. Her claim that her opinion as a mother carries more weight dismisses his equal role, fueling the conflict.

Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes, “Unilateral parenting decisions erode trust, signaling disrespect for shared responsibility” . Piercing a baby’s ears, often done with unsafe guns at places like Claire’s, also raises health concerns, as Reddit highlighted, adding weight to the husband’s anger.

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She should apologize sincerely, as you’ve mended family rifts, and commit to joint decisions, perhaps researching piercing risks together. Couples counseling could rebuild trust.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit overwhelmingly labeled the user YTA, slamming her for betraying her husband’s trust, dismissing his role, and prioritizing vanity over their daughter’s well-being, with sharp critiques and warnings about consequences. Here’s their take:

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grandoledog - YTA. I don't blame him for being angry. You were definitely 'sneaky and untruthful' and then tried to blame your mom for it???. ALSO,. *I'm the mother and my opinion does have heavier weight than his at some point.*. What on earth makes you think this??????. I don't think that his mother should have gotten involved but you are still TA.

7-11-21-Luck - YTA.. 1. It's normal thing for babies and 2. It looks pretty. Terrible reasons to get out done. Also you went behind your husband back listening to your mother Because you wanted to do what you wanted to do anyways. You know You'll be pissed he went behind your back listening to his father.

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km89 - YTA. It's a child, not a christmas tree for you to decorate. And you explicitly went behind your husband's back for it, too.

CrystalQueen3000 - YTA. And he’s right, you’ve damaged the trust and asserted that you have more of a say in your daughter than he does, which is a f**ked up and rude as hell thing to say. I also think that piercing babies is dumb, they don’t need accessories and permanent changes shouldn’t be made to their bodies until they’re old enough to ask.

[Reddit User] - Oh wow…YTA, and in a HUGE way! Let me count the ways:. 1. Putting your ideas of what is “pretty” for a newborn ahead of your husband’s opinion and concerns.. 2. Putting your mothers opinion in front of your husbands.. 3. Sneaking around behind his back to do this because YOU KNEW he would be mad.

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Who does that?. 4. Acting completely shocked when he actually did get mad! (I’m literally rolling my eyes) 5. To add insult to injury, you then told him “I’m the mother and my opinion does have heavier weight than his”. Are you kidding me?!?!

6. You are now sooooo confused as to why he isn’t talking to you and why his parents are mad, and you and your mother are calling him selfish, but you just can’t understand why he left. I hope you enjoy being single. And possibly a single mom for that matter too. He may not come back after all that you did.

CissiE_33 - YTA. For me it's not normal to get babies pierced. Where I live it's more common to do it when they actually want it themselves. Should a baby need piercing to be seen as pretty? That sentence made me feel sorry for your child. Apparently her look is more important for you than her heath and husbands consent.

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3ZVK - \[...\] treating him as a less than when it comes to our daughter but I never understood why he thought that.. 'my opinion does have heavier weight than his to some degree.' \[...\] << You answered yourself.... ​. YTA no doubt bout that. Good luck to him.

TheTARDISRanAway - YTA Putting aside the lack of respect for your husband for just a moment. Did you know babies can't be pierced with a needle and have to be done with a gun. This is bad for so many reasons and can cause massive issues as the child grows older.

Did you go to a reputable piercer or did you go to Claire accessories or somewhere similar to that where they put someone untrained on a piercing gun?. Have you wondered why a reputable piercer wouldnt pierce a child? Going back to the betrayal, you KNEW it was wrong so you did it anyway.

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Something like mutilating your child's ears for no purpose except 'it looks pretty' without the permission of the other parent is wrong. Then you say 'it was my mother's idea'. If your mother told you to jump off a cliff would you do it? You basically then told your partner that his opinion on how your daughter is raised and looked after doesn't matter unless he agrees with you.

That is his child as much as it is yours. As you said, this wasn't a cultural thing. It was a vanity thing. Babies aren't fashion accessories. If both parents agree to have it done then that's on you both but anyone who has done research into piercings with piercing guns know its a bad idea.

thebigbap - I didn't even have to read the post to think YTA, and then I read the post and I'm kind of disgusted. Not only is piercing a baby's ears extremely dangerous (because I know damn well you didn't actually go to a piercing shop, my guess is Walmart or Claire's) but to blatantly disrespect your husband,

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the father of your child and his *extremely* valid concerns and then call his anger an overreaction is actual b**lshit. My ears were pierced as a baby, at a Walmart, and as soon as I could take them out I did because they were extremely uncomfortable due to me being a BABY and not being able to leave the piercings alone.

YTA on literally every level imaginable in this situation and I'm looking forward to the consequences of your actions within your marriage, and I really hope your child doesn't experience too much pain due to your selfish mistake.

gw2kpro - Maybe tomorrow you come home to :. 'Hey, hon, check this out! Got little Becky here a neck tattoo. Yeah, it's a turtle taking a bite out of an apple. My Dad always thought it was cool and did it for all of us. And it's OK because my personal opinion is that it's normal, it's pretty, and is a great new experience!'. Also if you don't like it, it's my Dad's fault.

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Reddit’s tearing into her, but are they missing her perspective or just calling out her mistake?

This Reddit user’s decision to pierce her baby’s ears behind her husband’s back has left their marriage on shaky ground, with trust shattered and family divided. Her story, like your own boundary-setting challenges, asks where personal choice ends and partnership begins. Is she wrong to go rogue, or is her husband’s reaction too harsh? How would you handle a parenting decision your partner opposes? Share your thoughts or stories of navigating trust in relationships!

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