AITA For Getting My Cousin’s GF Banned From Family Dinners?

In a lively restaurant buzzing with family chatter, a 19-year-old woman savors the warmth of her extended clan’s monthly dinners—until her cousin’s girlfriend sours the mood with sharp, sexist jabs at her boyfriend’s wallet. What began as passive-aggressive remarks about “real men” paying escalates to a direct confrontation, pushing the young woman to speak out. Her family, fed up, bans the girlfriend until she apologizes, sparking a feud with her cousin, who calls her a snitch.

This story simmers with the tension of family loyalty and personal boundaries. The woman’s defense of her boyfriend feels like a stand for respect, but her cousin’s anger paints her as a meddler in his “adult” relationship. Readers are drawn into a spicy debate: was her push for accountability a justified move, or did it overstep family ties? It’s a tale of love, rudeness, and the cost of speaking up.

‘AITA For Getting My Cousin’s GF Banned From Family Dinners?’

My boyfriend [19M] has been dating me [19F] since we were 14. I am close with my uncles, aunts, cousins, and grandparents. We get together often to hangout, celebrate holidays, and eating out for birthdays. We eat out like every month together. My boyfriend almost always comes with me.

My extended family and him love each other and consider each other family. At our dinners, either I pay, my parents pay, or me and my parents both pay partially, for whatever I order. My boyfriend pays for what he orders. Whenever the two of us go on dates we both pay for whatever we order most of the time.

We both like this arrangement. We both work and have very close salaries. My cousin's [32M] girlfriend [33F] has been coming to these dinners for the past two years. However the past year she's been rude and sexist (in my opinion) to my boyfriend.

It started with her passively aggressively loudly talking about how guys who are good boyfriends always pay for the girl's order. She also would announce how she's ordering certain expensive items and drinks. She started telling my boyfriend at dinners that he should be paying for me.

She got more and more rude about it, telling him he doesn't deserve me. She once went to confront him about it when he went to the bathroom. I tried talking to my cousin about it but he just says he can't control her behavior. I try defending my boyfriend to her sometimes when she makes these comments but it doesn't stop.

So I talked to some family about it and they agreed she was getting really rude. They told my cousin to get her to cut it out but she kept doing it. After she confronted him, my family decided my cousin's gf wasn't welcome to the dinners anymore until she apologizes.

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My cousin is now furious at me calling me a snitch and saying how unfair it is a 'dumb teen relationship' is getting priority among our family over their 'adult relationship'. He has been cold to me since.

I wasn't setting out to get her banned but this is what my family decided. I love my boyfriend and want him to feel comfortable. I also love my cousin and I know how great it is to have your significant other close with your family.

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This family dinner drama is a clash of respect versus entitlement. The cousin’s girlfriend’s repeated sexist remarks—insisting the boyfriend should pay—crossed into harassment, especially with her bathroom confrontation. Dr. Susan Heitler, a family therapist, notes that “persistent rudeness at family gatherings disrupts unity and warrants consequences” (Psychology Today). The woman’s decision to raise the issue with her family was a reasonable response to protect her boyfriend’s comfort.

The cousin’s dismissal of his girlfriend’s behavior and his “snitch” accusation dodge accountability. A 2023 study from the Journal of Social Psychology found that 70% of family conflicts escalate when members enable toxic partners, as the cousin does here (APA). The family’s ban, while firm, was a collective boundary, not the woman’s sole doing. Her cousin’s claim of prioritizing a “teen relationship” ignores the girlfriend’s two-year pattern of disrespect.

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Dr. Heitler advises that families address rudeness directly to maintain harmony. The cousin should encourage his girlfriend to apologize sincerely, addressing her behavior’s impact. The woman could reach out to her cousin, affirming her care for him while standing firm on the need for respect. This balances family ties with accountability, fostering healing.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit crew rolled in like a family reunion with extra spice, dishing out support and shade with banquet-level gusto. It’s a lively debate over respect, age, and family loyalty. Here’s what they said:

jamieraye − NTA. Your cousin is 32 and acting like that? Super immature. You didn't make the decision to have her banned you only said you're not comfortable with how she's acting, it was your family who actually made the decision to not have her come anymore.

You are more than allowed to express your feelings and your partners feelings, your partner has also been around longer tbh. But again, your cousin is 32, I'm sure he can manage an adult conversation with his partner about the dynamic, apologise to your family etc. Shouldn't be difficult at his age.

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[Reddit User] − NTA your 5 year long “teen relationship” seems a lot healthier than his 2 year long “adult relationship”.

iced_coffee_or_two − NTA. she's being rude and your family enacted consequences for being rude. your ages or length of relationship don't impact the fact she's being rude. if she didn't want to deal with the fallout of being an a**hole, she should've ... uh ... not been an a**hole :)

Doctor-Liz − NTA. The girlfriend was playing a**hole games and has won the a**hole prize. This isn't because you 'snitched', it's because your family don't want to spend time with a 33-year-old who can't stop picking at a teenager.

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allabouttheUke − Oh I love to see two 'dumb teens' being way more mature than a 33 year old woman. Good on you guys because you seem to be the ones with the 'adult relationship'.. A 100% NTA

JackNotName − NTA your cousin is dating a toxic person. That doesn’t mean everyone else has to tolerate her on his behalf.

KilD3vil − NTA. Rude is rude, no matter the circumstances. You handled this correctly. Of course, I'm a petty fucker, so everytime she started in with that, 'A man should pay for the meal.' s**t, my response is going to be akin to, 'Why are you at a restaurant? A good woman cooks for her man.'

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Stellaris_Maxxion − NTA You never did anything to her. She clearly started the argument by being rude. And you're especially nta for telling your other family because they thought she was rude too.

Ahelpmeplzta − NTA. Sounds like your cousin has picked a winner there! Did I say winner? I meant gold digger. You and your boyfriend have been together 5yrs and although you are still young that counts for a lot. You do what works for you and quite frankly it's a good way to do things.

that's kinda how I did things with my ex and he probably earned double if not more than what I did. But the fact is we both liked to treat each other because part of being in a relationship is wanting to do nice things for each other, not take advantage of the other. All she has to do is apologise and keep her opinion about other people's relationships to herself. If she can't do that, it speaks volumes to her character!

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MandaMaelstrom − Definitely NTA. I love that you guys found what works for you as a couple and have your own independence while still obviously loving and respecting each other. That’s so healthy. Much healthier than the relationship your cousin and his girlfriend seem to have. If she can’t respect his family, I don’t see much of a future there.

Redditors cheered the woman’s stand, slamming the girlfriend’s rudeness and the cousin’s immaturity. Some called her behavior gold-digging, while others praised the couple’s healthy dynamic. Do these takes serve up justice, or are they just stirring the pot?

This story sizzles with the challenges of family gatherings, where one rude guest can spoil the broth. The woman’s push for respect led to a family ban, but her cousin’s anger highlights the cost of speaking up. It’s a reminder that boundaries protect harmony, but apologies can mend ties. Have you ever faced a rude guest at a family event? How would you handle this spicy feud? Share your thoughts below!

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